A Country Practice Lyrics

Song	A Country Practice
Artist	Half Man Half Biscuit
Album	Four Lads Who Shook the Wirral
Download	Image LRC TXT

	I feel like a beggar accepting alms
	Then being pelted with figs
	I study my steadily declining chart placings
	They greet me with freezing cold inhospitality
	Hey, where did that bloke go who said I was vital?
	I possess the mild air of a retail tobacconist
	That's because I'm a retail tobacconist
	But the mayflies on a Berkshire trout river
	Would probably tell you a different story
	About ham-fisted diadems and momentary daydreams
	Of mythical dividends and illusory boardroom suits
	In the room festooned with fat beef certificates
	From county shows
	Duff leg Bryn had drank too much again
	Most of Wem was steering clear of him
	I've got no time for this 12th consecutive Rose Bowl
	Cos at Sunday next at ten to four
	I've got an invitation for
	A trip around Katharine Hamnett's warehouse
	Followed by dinner with David Emmanuel
	Whom I can't wait to tell about my dream
	In which the almost illegal Elton Welsby
	Is dressed as a French maid on a moonless byway
	Licking his lips as he creeps ever closer
	Fast falls the eventide
	Fast falls the eventide
	The public appearance of bitter ex-soap stars
	Who thought they could go on and do other things beside
	The Centre Court amusement at the ballboy's mishap
	That bobbing up and down thing that they do at the Proms
	Opinionated weather forecasters telling me it's going to be a miserable day
	Miserable to who? I quite like a bit of drizzle so stick to the facts
	Channel 4 presents "Blowjob"
	Introduced by Adrian and Sophie Horn
	Who is of course one bloke with a pierced dick
	Who's just had the nod from Planet 24
	Hear him say "surreal, bizarre, sad git"
	Yes indeedy, completely and utterly footy anorak and respect
	Before whipping the audience up into doing the Time Warp
	Watch him take us live to "The Queen's Arse and Firkin"
	Where Joseph Bloggs and his amazing Technicolour shellsuit
	Are about to abort their Steely Dan routine
	And instead embark upon 15 minutes of mantra-filled Oompah
	15 minutes of mantra-filled Oompah
	15 minutes of mantra-filled Oompah
	Adrian / Sophie wants us, the viewers, to ring in
	And say how we think the punters will react
	(These are a few of my favourite things)
	I'm incredibly bored with the word "millennium"
	And with the Jehovah's Witnesses
	Millions now earmarked will later be wasted
	Her Majesty, marvellous, mother the musical
	The fireworks lighting up the Houses of Parliament
	Death in Trafalgar Square, death in the armchair
	Of clichéd old spinsters who never been loved
	Every day is Australia day
	"Sons and Daughters" and "Home and Away"
	But then the news comes on and the sound goes down
	Cos she can't be bothered with all them politicians
	They're all just a bunch of flamin' drongos
	She died with her telly on, 87 and confused
	With not enough hospital beds cos all the money's been used
	On the end of the century party preparations
	And they reckon that the last thing she saw in her life was
	Sting, singing on the roof of the Barbican
	Sting, singing on the roof of the Barbican
	T for Toxteth
	T for Tennessee
	T for Toxteth, T for Tennessee
	T for Thatcher, that girl that made a wreck out of me
	Old lady labelled me an idle
	Old lady labelled me an idle
	Old lady labelled me an idle layabout
	Layabout
	Layabout

	I feel like a beggar accepting alms
	Then being pelted with figs
	I study my steadily declining chart placings
	They greet me with freezing cold inhospitality
	Hey, where did that bloke go who said I was vital?
	I possess the mild air of a retail tobacconist
	That' s because I' m a retail tobacconist
	But the mayflies on a Berkshire trout river
	Would probably tell you a different story
	About hamfisted diadems and momentary daydreams
	Of mythical dividends and illusory boardroom suits
	In the room festooned with fat beef certificates
	From county shows
	Duff leg Bryn had drank too much again
	Most of Wem was steering clear of him
	I' ve got no time for this 12th consecutive Rose Bowl
	Cos at Sunday next at ten to four
	I' ve got an invitation for
	A trip around Katharine Hamnett' s warehouse
	Followed by dinner with David Emmanuel
	Whom I can' t wait to tell about my dream
	In which the almost illegal Elton Welsby
	Is dressed as a French maid on a moonless byway
	Licking his lips as he creeps ever closer
	Fast falls the eventide
	Fast falls the eventide
	The public appearance of bitter exsoap stars
	Who thought they could go on and do other things beside
	The Centre Court amusement at the ballboy' s mishap
	That bobbing up and down thing that they do at the Proms
	Opinionated weather forecasters telling me it' s going to be a miserable day
	Miserable to who? I quite like a bit of drizzle so stick to the facts
	Channel 4 presents " Blowjob"
	Introduced by Adrian and Sophie Horn
	Who is of course one bloke with a pierced dick
	Who' s just had the nod from Planet 24
	Hear him say " surreal, bizarre, sad git"
	Yes indeedy, completely and utterly footy anorak and respect
	Before whipping the audience up into doing the Time Warp
	Watch him take us live to " The Queen' s Arse and Firkin"
	Where Joseph Bloggs and his amazing Technicolour shellsuit
	Are about to abort their Steely Dan routine
	And instead embark upon 15 minutes of mantrafilled Oompah
	15 minutes of mantrafilled Oompah
	15 minutes of mantrafilled Oompah
	Adrian Sophie wants us, the viewers, to ring in
	And say how we think the punters will react
	These are a few of my favourite things
	I' m incredibly bored with the word " millennium"
	And with the Jehovah' s Witnesses
	Millions now earmarked will later be wasted
	Her Majesty, marvellous, mother the musical
	The fireworks lighting up the Houses of Parliament
	Death in Trafalgar Square, death in the armchair
	Of cliche d old spinsters who never been loved
	Every day is Australia day
	" Sons and Daughters" and " Home and Away"
	But then the news comes on and the sound goes down
	Cos she can' t be bothered with all them politicians
	They' re all just a bunch of flamin' drongos
	She died with her telly on, 87 and confused
	With not enough hospital beds cos all the money' s been used
	On the end of the century party preparations
	And they reckon that the last thing she saw in her life was
	Sting, singing on the roof of the Barbican
	Sting, singing on the roof of the Barbican
	T for Toxteth
	T for Tennessee
	T for Toxteth, T for Tennessee
	T for Thatcher, that girl that made a wreck out of me
	Old lady labelled me an idle
	Old lady labelled me an idle
	Old lady labelled me an idle layabout
	Layabout
	Layabout

	I feel like a beggar accepting alms
	Then being pelted with figs
	I study my steadily declining chart placings
	They greet me with freezing cold inhospitality
	Hey, where did that bloke go who said I was vital?
	I possess the mild air of a retail tobacconist
	That' s because I' m a retail tobacconist
	But the mayflies on a Berkshire trout river
	Would probably tell you a different story
	About hamfisted diadems and momentary daydreams
	Of mythical dividends and illusory boardroom suits
	In the room festooned with fat beef certificates
	From county shows
	Duff leg Bryn had drank too much again
	Most of Wem was steering clear of him
	I' ve got no time for this 12th consecutive Rose Bowl
	Cos at Sunday next at ten to four
	I' ve got an invitation for
	A trip around Katharine Hamnett' s warehouse
	Followed by dinner with David Emmanuel
	Whom I can' t wait to tell about my dream
	In which the almost illegal Elton Welsby
	Is dressed as a French maid on a moonless byway
	Licking his lips as he creeps ever closer
	Fast falls the eventide
	Fast falls the eventide
	The public appearance of bitter exsoap stars
	Who thought they could go on and do other things beside
	The Centre Court amusement at the ballboy' s mishap
	That bobbing up and down thing that they do at the Proms
	Opinionated weather forecasters telling me it' s going to be a miserable day
	Miserable to who? I quite like a bit of drizzle so stick to the facts
	Channel 4 presents " Blowjob"
	Introduced by Adrian and Sophie Horn
	Who is of course one bloke with a pierced dick
	Who' s just had the nod from Planet 24
	Hear him say " surreal, bizarre, sad git"
	Yes indeedy, completely and utterly footy anorak and respect
	Before whipping the audience up into doing the Time Warp
	Watch him take us live to " The Queen' s Arse and Firkin"
	Where Joseph Bloggs and his amazing Technicolour shellsuit
	Are about to abort their Steely Dan routine
	And instead embark upon 15 minutes of mantrafilled Oompah
	15 minutes of mantrafilled Oompah
	15 minutes of mantrafilled Oompah
	Adrian Sophie wants us, the viewers, to ring in
	And say how we think the punters will react
	These are a few of my favourite things
	I' m incredibly bored with the word " millennium"
	And with the Jehovah' s Witnesses
	Millions now earmarked will later be wasted
	Her Majesty, marvellous, mother the musical
	The fireworks lighting up the Houses of Parliament
	Death in Trafalgar Square, death in the armchair
	Of cliché d old spinsters who never been loved
	Every day is Australia day
	" Sons and Daughters" and " Home and Away"
	But then the news comes on and the sound goes down
	Cos she can' t be bothered with all them politicians
	They' re all just a bunch of flamin' drongos
	She died with her telly on, 87 and confused
	With not enough hospital beds cos all the money' s been used
	On the end of the century party preparations
	And they reckon that the last thing she saw in her life was
	Sting, singing on the roof of the Barbican
	Sting, singing on the roof of the Barbican
	T for Toxteth
	T for Tennessee
	T for Toxteth, T for Tennessee
	T for Thatcher, that girl that made a wreck out of me
	Old lady labelled me an idle
	Old lady labelled me an idle
	Old lady labelled me an idle layabout
	Layabout
	Layabout

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