Asparagus Next Left Lyrics
| Song | Asparagus Next Left |
| Artist | Half Man Half Biscuit |
| Album | Achtung Bono |
| Download | Image LRC TXT |
| We’ve just been performing a guerrilla gig | |
| In the middle of another group’s guerrilla gig | |
| Well surely that’s the ultimate guerrilla gig | |
| But still they cried like girls | |
| Road signs on our country lanes | |
| May not be what they seem | |
| “Asparagus Next Left” – who says? | |
| I’ve been upstream | |
| Going down there for plum tomatoes | |
| That’s not a good idea | |
| For “Horse Manure 200 Yards” | |
| Read bottomless perdition | |
| When the club-versus-country dispute arose | |
| Small children were trampled in the exodus | |
| We all knew someone at primary school | |
| Who had a very powerful magnet | |
| “This-a-way For New Potatoes” | |
| An arrow points innocently | |
| Dirt track to a darker place | |
| That’s what it says to me | |
| “Last Chance For Hanging Baskets” | |
| They’re even giving you clues! | |
| “Fresh Broad Beans and Aubergines” | |
| Euphemisms, Audrey, euphemisms! | |
| Whatever happened to the plumber’s van? | |
| The humble, amateur Transit van? | |
| Vans have become ridiculous | |
| With their strategies and logistics | |
| “Veer Left For Marmalade!” | |
| I don’t think so Joe | |
| And why are “Tractors Turning”? | |
| We really ought to know | |
| So stay alert on the minor roads | |
| Remember Phyllis Triggs | |
| Oooh! Rhubarb! Lets go! | |
| She’s still not been accounted for |
| We' ve just been performing a guerrilla gig | |
| In the middle of another group' s guerrilla gig | |
| Well surely that' s the ultimate guerrilla gig | |
| But still they cried like girls | |
| Road signs on our country lanes | |
| May not be what they seem | |
| " Asparagus Next Left" who says? | |
| I' ve been upstream | |
| Going down there for plum tomatoes | |
| That' s not a good idea | |
| For " Horse Manure 200 Yards" | |
| Read bottomless perdition | |
| When the clubversuscountry dispute arose | |
| Small children were trampled in the exodus | |
| We all knew someone at primary school | |
| Who had a very powerful magnet | |
| " Thisaway For New Potatoes" | |
| An arrow points innocently | |
| Dirt track to a darker place | |
| That' s what it says to me | |
| " Last Chance For Hanging Baskets" | |
| They' re even giving you clues! | |
| " Fresh Broad Beans and Aubergines" | |
| Euphemisms, Audrey, euphemisms! | |
| Whatever happened to the plumber' s van? | |
| The humble, amateur Transit van? | |
| Vans have become ridiculous | |
| With their strategies and logistics | |
| " Veer Left For Marmalade!" | |
| I don' t think so Joe | |
| And why are " Tractors Turning"? | |
| We really ought to know | |
| So stay alert on the minor roads | |
| Remember Phyllis Triggs | |
| Oooh! Rhubarb! Lets go! | |
| She' s still not been accounted for |
| We' ve just been performing a guerrilla gig | |
| In the middle of another group' s guerrilla gig | |
| Well surely that' s the ultimate guerrilla gig | |
| But still they cried like girls | |
| Road signs on our country lanes | |
| May not be what they seem | |
| " Asparagus Next Left" who says? | |
| I' ve been upstream | |
| Going down there for plum tomatoes | |
| That' s not a good idea | |
| For " Horse Manure 200 Yards" | |
| Read bottomless perdition | |
| When the clubversuscountry dispute arose | |
| Small children were trampled in the exodus | |
| We all knew someone at primary school | |
| Who had a very powerful magnet | |
| " Thisaway For New Potatoes" | |
| An arrow points innocently | |
| Dirt track to a darker place | |
| That' s what it says to me | |
| " Last Chance For Hanging Baskets" | |
| They' re even giving you clues! | |
| " Fresh Broad Beans and Aubergines" | |
| Euphemisms, Audrey, euphemisms! | |
| Whatever happened to the plumber' s van? | |
| The humble, amateur Transit van? | |
| Vans have become ridiculous | |
| With their strategies and logistics | |
| " Veer Left For Marmalade!" | |
| I don' t think so Joe | |
| And why are " Tractors Turning"? | |
| We really ought to know | |
| So stay alert on the minor roads | |
| Remember Phyllis Triggs | |
| Oooh! Rhubarb! Lets go! | |
| She' s still not been accounted for |
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