| [02:41.-2] | I know. |
| [02:54.-4] | He doesn't have anyone. |
| [03:10.-2] | Put the kids to bed for this one. |
| [04:21.-2] | Back to the book. What is this about you being arrested in London? |
| [06:49.-4] | You watched the show. What did you think? |
| [08:03.-3] | When I read Euphoria at Midnight, I wanted to become a writer. |
| [08:25.-1] | Yeah,any messages for room 226? 226 |
| [09:49.-2] | -PIease. -No,really. - |
| [10:23.-2] | I'II just pee in the street. |
| [11:54.-3] | Well,not in the same way. |
| [16:07.-1] | Rachel,can we do this now? |
| [16:18.-3] | Now,you tell me she's not a knockout. |
| [18:14.-2] | ...doesn't mean you know her. You can't talk to her. |
| [20:17.-3] | The car's waiting. I just wanted to drop off my book for your friends. |
| [23:57.-1] | Wait,I just got to the part about her "public hair. " |
| [00:01.25] | Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News? |
| [00:04.25] | I just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right. |
| [00:08.65] | Oh,my God! Don't Iook now. Behind you there's a guy... |
| [00:12.56] | ...who can break our hearts and plunge us into depression. |
| [00:18.30] | Come to mama. |
| [00:20.60] | He's coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. |
| [00:23.30] | -Nice hat. -Thanks. - |
| [00:26.14] | -We should do something. Whistle. -I' m not whistling. - |
| [00:28.94] | Come on,do it! |
| [00:30.18] | Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. |
| [00:37.82] | I can't believe you did that. |
| [00:41.09] | The One With Mrs. Bing |
| [01:28.03] | -It's all my fault. -No,it's mine. - |
| [01:30.84] | Why did I whoo-hoo? |
| [01:32.70] | Was I hoping he'd turn around and say... |
| [01:35.21] | ... " I Iove that sound. I must have you now"? …“ |
| [01:39.11] | I wish there was something we could do. |
| [01:44.52] | Hello,coma guy. |
| [01:47.55] | Get up,you Girl Scout! Up,up,up! |
| [01:49.82] | What are you doing? |
| [01:51.29] | Maybe nobody's tried this. |
| [01:56.00] | I wish we at Ieast knew his name. |
| [01:58.53] | I hate that they're calling him John Doe. |
| [02:01.47] | It's so sad. It's Iike he's a deer, a female deer. |
| [02:05.77] | Oh,I was gonna stop. |
| [02:09.54] | Look at that face. |
| [02:11.48] | Even sleeping he Iooks smart. |
| [02:13.88] | Yeah,but the dents in his knuckles mean he's artistic. |
| [02:17.82] | Okay. He's a Iawyer who teaches sculpting on the side. |
| [02:22.22] | And he can dance. |
| [02:24.52] | And he's the kind of guy who, when you're talking,he's Iistening... |
| [02:29.03] | ... not saying," I understand "... |
| [02:31.03] | ... but really wondering what you Iook Iike naked. |
| [02:36.57] | I wish all guys could be Iike him. |
| [02:47.25] | You don't even know this guy. |
| [02:49.35] | Are there no conscious men in the city for you two? |
| [02:55.45] | We feel kind of responsible. |
| [02:58.29] | I can't believe you said "whoo-hoo. " |
| [03:01.46] | I don't even say "whoo-hoo. " |
| [03:03.26] | Oh,she's coming up. oh, |
| [03:05.00] | When we return,we 'll talk with the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. |
| [03:12.27] | Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie 's is on Showtime and HBO. |
| [03:16.04] | No way. |
| [03:17.51] | -She's your mom. -Exactly. Weekend at Bernie 's. - |
| [03:21.38] | Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20,30 times. |
| [03:26.22] | I gotta tell you, I Iove your mom's books. |
| [03:29.65] | I can't get on a plane without one. This is so cool. |
| [03:32.56] | You wouldn't think so if you were 1 1... |
| [03:35.23] | ...and your friends were passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch. |
| [03:39.93] | I remember page 79. |
| [03:42.73] | The thing after the opera with the girl with the trick hip? |
| [03:49.64] | I Iove your mom. I think she's a blast. |
| [03:52.14] | That's because she's not your mom. |
| [03:54.21] | Oh,please. She's the |
| [03:55.75] | Hi,sweetie. |
| [03:59.45] | When did " Rigatoni " get back from Rome? |
| [04:03.72] | -Last night. -Really? |
| [04:05.29] | So,his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire? |
| [04:08.79] | Just a dream I had. |
| [04:11.03] | But,phew! |
| [04:13.46] | Hey,she's on. |
| [04:17.90] | Nora Bing. |
| [04:25.81] | Your mom was arrested? |
| [04:27.61] | I'm busy beaming with pride. |
| [04:30.42] | This is kind of embarrassing... |
| [04:33.25] | ...but occasionally,after I've been intimate with a man... … |
| [04:37.00] | Why would she say that's embarrassing? |
| [04:40.36] | ...I just get this craving for kung pao chicken. … |
| [04:43.83] | That's too much information. |
| [04:49.93] | Needless to say,he got a huge tip. |
| [04:56.81] | Oh,God,I Iove her! oh, |
| [04:58.51] | I think I' m having a stroke. |
| [05:02.28] | So how is your book tour going? |
| [05:05.25] | Oh,fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow,which I hate. |
| [05:09.52] | But I get to see my son,who I love. |
| [05:13.52] | This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone. |
| [05:17.66] | Don 't take this wrong,I just don 't see you as a mom. |
| [05:21.80] | -I don 't mean that bad. -Oh,no. I'm a fabulous mom. - |
| [05:26.34] | I bought my son his first condoms. |
| [05:34.35] | And then he burst into flames. |
| [05:45.42] | Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit-reduction bill. |
| [05:50.00] | The mayor wants to raise subway fares. The high today was 45. |
| [05:55.83] | And teams played sports. |
| [06:24.60] | What about GIen? |
| [06:26.43] | He could be a GIen. |
| [06:27.90] | Not special enough. |
| [06:30.34] | How about Agamemnon? |
| [06:32.74] | Way too special. |
| [06:42.88] | I'm famished. What do I want? |
| [06:45.48] | PIease,God,don't Iet it be kung pao chicken. |
| [06:52.00] | I think you need to come out of your shell. |
| [06:57.50] | What is this dive? |
| [06:59.46] | Only you could've picked this place. |
| [07:02.43] | Come on. Shut up. It's fun. Give me a hug. |
| [07:06.00] | I heard about the divorce. Lesbian,huh? |
| [07:10.84] | Well,you know what they say: Be careful what you wish for. |
| [07:18.18] | -I think we' re ready for some tequila. -I know I am. - |
| [07:21.22] | -Who's doing shots? -Hit me. - |
| [07:23.42] | There you go. Ross? |
| [07:25.19] | I' m not really a shot-drinking kind of guy. |
| [07:27.89] | Hi. Sorry we' re Iate. |
| [07:29.76] | We kind of just,you know, Iost track of time. |
| [07:35.53] | But a man can change. |
| [07:43.21] | Anyone want me to appraise anything? |
| [07:56.49] | Well,I' m gonna go to tinker-town. |
| [07:59.56] | Mrs. Bing,I've read everything you've written. |
| [08:07.23] | Oh,please. If I can do it,anybody can. |
| [08:10.44] | Start with half a dozen European cities... |
| [08:12.77] | ...throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia... |
| [08:15.71] | ...and you've got yourself a book. |
| [08:19.44] | My mother,Iadies and gentlemen. |
| [08:29.45] | -You okay,slugger? -Oh,yeah. I' m fine. |
| [08:45.30] | What is with you tonight? |
| [08:47.17] | Nothing. Nothing,nothing. |
| [08:50.61] | Okay,thank you. |
| [08:55.18] | It's the Italian hand-Iicker,isn't it? |
| [08:58.25] | No. It's the one he's Iicking. |
| [09:01.82] | She's supposed to be with you. |
| [09:04.52] | You' re good. |
| [09:06.69] | I have sold 1 00 million copies of my books,and you know why? |
| [09:11.93] | The girl on the cover with her nipples showing? |
| [09:16.87] | No,because I know how to write men that women fall in Iove with. |
| [09:22.14] | I cannot sell a Paolo. |
| [09:24.28] | People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo. |
| [09:27.65] | Come on. The guy's a secondary character. |
| [09:31.05] | He's just a complication you eventually kill off. |
| [09:35.62] | When? |
| [09:39.06] | He's not a hero. |
| [09:42.09] | You know who our hero is? |
| [09:44.00] | The guy on the cover with his nipples showing? |
| [09:47.30] | No,it's you. |
| [09:50.67] | Come on. You' re smart. You' re sexy. |
| [09:53.74] | -Right. -Yes,you are. |
| [09:55.61] | The fact that you don't think you are makes you sexier. |
| [09:59.41] | Come on,kiddo. You' re gonna be fine,believe me. |
| [10:34.25] | Is Chandler here? |
| [10:35.81] | Wait. Come here. |
| [10:38.58] | Okay,about Iast night... ok, |
| [10:41.15] | ...you know... |
| [10:42.25] | ... Chandler,you didn't tell.... |
| [10:44.49] | We don't need to tell Chandler. It was just a kiss. No big deal,right? |
| [10:49.09] | Right. No big deal. |
| [10:51.16] | In bizarro world. |
| [10:56.27] | You broke the code. |
| [10:57.67] | -What code? -You don't kiss your friend's mom. - |
| [11:00.84] | Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot-Iooking aunt. |
| [11:04.61] | But not a mom. Never a mom. |
| [11:09.88] | What are you guys doing out here? |
| [11:12.08] | Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. |
| [11:17.12] | But apparently somebody overslept. |
| [11:22.09] | Well,you don't have your racquet. |
| [11:24.30] | No. No,I don't because it's being restrung. |
| [11:27.26] | Somebody was supposed to bring me one. |
| [11:30.64] | Well,you didn't call and Ieave your grip size. |
| [11:35.94] | You guys are spending way too much time together. |
| [11:41.81] | I' m scum. I' m scum. |
| [11:43.55] | -How could you Iet this happen? -I don't know. - |
| [11:46.25] | It's not Iike she's a regular mom. |
| [11:48.39] | She's sexy. She's.... |
| [11:50.39] | You don't think my mom's sexy? |
| [11:56.79] | I'II have you know,GIoria T ribbiani was a handsome woman in her day. |
| [12:02.13] | You think it's easy giving birth to seven children? |
| [12:07.41] | Okay,I think we're getting into a weird area here. |
| [12:12.84] | What are you doing here? |
| [12:15.75] | Not playing racquetball. |
| [12:19.72] | -He forgot to Ieave his grip size. -He didn't get the goggles. - |
| [12:25.92] | Sounds Iike you two have issues. |
| [12:31.53] | Goodbye,baby. |
| [12:35.07] | Do they wait for me to do this? |
| [12:43.44] | -Are you gonna tell him? -Why would I tell him? - |
| [12:46.84] | If you don't,his mother might. |
| [12:50.58] | What are you guys doing here? |
| [12:53.42] | He's not even wearing a jock strap. |
| [13:01.39] | What did I ask? |
| [13:17.81] | What are you doing here? |
| [13:19.64] | Nothing. I just thought I'd stop by,you know,after... |
| [13:23.05] | ...that I,you know. |
| [13:24.48] | So,what are you doing here? |
| [13:27.42] | I' m not really here. |
| [13:29.45] | I just thought I'd drop these off on the way. My way. |
| [13:36.39] | Do you come here a Iot... |
| [13:40.06] | ...without me? |
| [13:41.47] | No,no,no. |
| [13:46.90] | Do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning? |
| [13:51.81] | How would I know? I wasn't here. |
| [13:54.58] | Really? Not even to change his pajamas? |
| [14:02.05] | Oh,my God. |
| [14:03.29] | You're my friend. I had to tell you. |
| [14:06.32] | I can't believe it. |
| [14:09.03] | Paolo kissed my mom? |
| [14:11.73] | I don't know if you noticed, but he drank a Iot. |
| [14:15.13] | I mean,you know how he gets |
| [14:19.57] | I can't do this. I did it. |
| [14:21.74] | It was me. I' m sorry. I kissed your mom. |
| [14:24.71] | What? |
| [14:26.21] | I was upset about Rachel and I had too much tequila,and Nora... |
| [14:31.22] | ... Mrs. Mom,your Bing,was... |
| [14:35.00] | ... being nice. But nothing happened. |
| [14:37.56] | Nothing. Ask Joey. |
| [14:39.06] | -Joey came in -You knew about this? - |
| [14:42.23] | You know,knowledge is a tricky thing. |
| [14:45.83] | Why didn't you tell me? |
| [14:48.40] | You're Iucky I caught them,or else who knows what would've happened? |
| [14:52.40] | Thanks,man. Big help. |
| [14:54.54] | What the hell were you thinking? |
| [14:56.94] | I wasn't. I don't know. I |
| [14:59.14] | No one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you. |
| [15:02.71] | -I know. -I can't believe you did this. - |
| [15:05.22] | -Me neither. -I' m mad at you too. - |
| [15:07.75] | -Why are you mad at me? -Let me slam the door. - |
| [15:11.62] | I didn't kiss her. See what happens when you break the code? |
| [15:29.21] | "A Woman Undone, by Rachel IKaren Greene. " “ |
| [15:32.44] | I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm on the first chapter. |
| [15:36.05] | Do you think his "Iove stick" can be "Iiberated from its denim prison"? |
| [15:42.72] | Yeah,I'd say so. |
| [15:45.26] | And there's no "J " in "engorged. " |
| [15:53.90] | -You going to the hospital tonight? -No. You? - |
| [15:56.93] | No. You? |
| [16:00.91] | You just asked me. |
| [16:03.14] | Maybe it was a trick question. |
| [16:11.12] | I am so hot. |
| [16:14.65] | Here's my mom and dad on their wedding day. |
| [16:22.36] | -I can't believe this conversation. -Just try to picture her not pregnant. - |
| [16:29.13] | Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay. |
| [16:34.87] | Thanks. |
| [16:38.14] | I'd Iike to start with a song about a man I recently met... |
| [16:43.08] | ...who's come to be very important to me. |
| [16:51.26] | You don 't have to be awake To be my man |
| [16:57.23] | Long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand |
| [17:03.63] | Though we just met the other day |
| [17:06.07] | There 's something I have got to say |
| [17:10.64] | Thank you very much. I' m gonna take a short break. |
| [17:16.08] | That was Phoebe Buffay,everybody. |
| [17:20.78] | -What the hell was that? -Phoebe just started - |
| [17:23.75] | I was talking to Joey. AII right,there,mother-kisser? |
| [17:32.76] | " Mother-kisser. " |
| [17:35.83] | I'II shut up. |
| [17:37.33] | I know you' re still mad at me... |
| [17:40.04] | ... but there were two people there that night. |
| [17:43.37] | -There were two sets of Iips. -I expect this from her. - |
| [17:46.84] | She's always been a Freudian nightmare. |
| [17:49.51] | Then why don't you say something? |
| [17:52.85] | Because it's complicated. It's complex. |
| [17:56.12] | You kissed my mom. |
| [18:01.46] | We' re rehearsing a Greek play. |
| [18:05.13] | That's funny. Are we done now? |
| [18:07.06] | You mean you' re not gonna tell her how you feel? |
| [18:10.53] | Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom... |
| [18:17.41] | Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't? |
| [18:21.01] | Okay,that's my finger. |
| [18:22.71] | Okay,that's my knee. |
| [18:25.52] | Still doing the play. |
| [18:35.53] | What did you do with him? |
| [18:41.40] | -You're awake. -Look at you. - |
| [18:43.50] | How do you feel? |
| [18:45.67] | A Iittle woozy,but basically okay. |
| [18:47.94] | Gosh,you Iook good. |
| [18:50.07] | I feel good. |
| [18:52.74] | Who are you? |
| [18:54.45] | -Sorry. -I'm Phoebe. - |
| [18:56.25] | I' m Monica. I've been caring for you. |
| [18:59.02] | We both have. |
| [19:00.32] | -The Etch A Sketch is from you? -Actually,me. - |
| [19:03.59] | -I got you the foot massager. -I shaved you. - |
| [19:06.52] | -I read to you. -I sang. - |
| [19:11.03] | Well,thanks. |
| [19:12.70] | -Oh,my pleasure. -You' re welcome. - |
| [19:15.13] | So I guess I'II see you around. |
| [19:19.27] | What? That's it? |
| [19:21.57] | "See you around " |
| [19:23.47] | -What do you want me to say? -I don't know. - |
| [19:26.78] | Maybe... |
| [19:28.31] | ... "That was nice. " |
| [19:29.88] | " It meant something to me. " |
| [19:32.48] | " I'II call you. " |
| [19:35.09] | -Okay. I'II call you. -I don't think you mean that. - |
| [19:41.79] | This is so typical. |
| [19:44.13] | You know,we give and we give... |
| [19:47.00] | ...and we give. |
| [19:48.80] | And we just get nothing back. |
| [19:51.17] | And then one day,you wake up, and it's,"See you around. " |
| [19:57.31] | Let's go,Phoebe. |
| [20:00.74] | You know what? We thought you were different. |
| [20:04.38] | But I guess it was just the coma. |
| [20:21.17] | Autographed. And give you a goodbye kiss. |
| [20:25.10] | Here's the kiss, here's the goodbye.... |
| [20:28.41] | -Anything you want from Lisbon? -Just knowing you' re there is enough. - |
| [20:33.34] | AII right. Well,be good. I Iove you. |
| [20:39.75] | You kissed my best Ross. |
| [20:44.19] | Or something to that effect. |
| [20:52.86] | Look,it was stupid. |
| [20:55.00] | -Really stupid. -Really stupid. - |
| [20:59.54] | I don't even know how it happened. |
| [21:02.27] | I' m sorry,honey. I promise it will never happen again. |
| [21:07.14] | Really,really stupid. |
| [21:09.15] | Really,really stupid. |
| [21:12.75] | -Are we okay now? -Yeah. - |
| [21:15.59] | No. |
| [21:22.06] | The forbidden Iove of a man and his door. |
| [21:27.06] | He told her off. And not just about the kiss. |
| [21:30.53] | You're kidding? |
| [21:31.80] | He said,"When are you gonna start being a mom? " |
| [21:35.44] | Then she said: |
| [21:36.84] | "The question is,when are you gonna realize I have a bomb? " |
| [21:43.35] | Are you sure she didn't say: |
| [21:45.42] | "When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom? " |
| [21:52.59] | -That makes more sense. -You think? - |
| [21:56.89] | What's going on now? |
| [21:58.80] | I don't know. I've been standing here spelling it out for you. |
| [22:04.37] | I don't hear anything. Wait. |
| [22:06.44] | What do you see? |
| [22:07.70] | It's hard to tell. They're tiny and upside down. |
| [22:10.34] | Wait,wait,wait. |
| [22:11.88] | They're walking away. They're walking away. |
| [22:15.61] | No,they' re not. They' re coming right at us. Run! |
| [22:21.55] | -Are you okay,kiddo? -Yeah,I' m okay. |
| [22:24.32] | AII right. You be good. |
| [22:26.39] | Drive safe. |
| [22:29.93] | -Mrs. Bing. -Mr. Geller. |
| [22:41.00] | You mean that? |
| [22:43.27] | Yeah,why not? |
| [22:47.01] | So I told her. |
| [22:49.45] | -How did it go? -Awful. Awful. - |
| [22:51.65] | Couldn't have gone worse. |
| [22:54.32] | -Well,how do you feel? -Pretty good. - |
| [22:59.19] | I told her. |
| [23:00.86] | Well,see? |
| [23:02.93] | So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, me kissing your mom,huh? |
| [23:07.43] | But we don't have to go down that road. |
| [23:16.64] | This is just the first chapter... |
| [23:18.94] | ...and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay? |
| [23:24.18] | And on page two,he's not reaching for her " heaving beasts. " |
| [23:29.79] | She could have heaving beasts. |
| [23:32.42] | Right,but in this case she doesn't. |
| [23:36.16] | What's a " niffle"? |
| [23:37.49] | You can usually find them on the heaving beasts. |
| [23:42.53] | Okay,so I' m not a great typist. |
| [23:45.00] | Did you get to the part about his "huge,throbbing pens"? |
| [23:49.61] | You don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those. |
| [23:54.31] | That's it. Give them back. |
| [02:41.-2] | I know. |
| [02:54.-4] | He doesn' t have anyone. |
| [03:10.-2] | Put the kids to bed for this one. |
| [04:21.-2] | Back to the book. What is this about you being arrested in London? |
| [06:49.-4] | You watched the show. What did you think? |
| [08:03.-3] | When I read Euphoria at Midnight, I wanted to become a writer. |
| [08:25.-1] | Yeah, any messages for room 226? 226 |
| [09:49.-2] | PIease. No, really. |
| [10:23.-2] | I' II just pee in the street. |
| [11:54.-3] | Well, not in the same way. |
| [16:07.-1] | Rachel, can we do this now? |
| [16:18.-3] | Now, you tell me she' s not a knockout. |
| [18:14.-2] | ... doesn' t mean you know her. You can' t talk to her. |
| [20:17.-3] | The car' s waiting. I just wanted to drop off my book for your friends. |
| [23:57.-1] | Wait, I just got to the part about her " public hair. " |
| [00:01.25] | Do you think they have yesterday' s Daily News? |
| [00:04.25] | I just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right. |
| [00:08.65] | Oh, my God! Don' t Iook now. Behind you there' s a guy... |
| [00:12.56] | ... who can break our hearts and plunge us into depression. |
| [00:18.30] | Come to mama. |
| [00:20.60] | He' s coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. |
| [00:23.30] | Nice hat. Thanks. |
| [00:26.14] | We should do something. Whistle. I' m not whistling. |
| [00:28.94] | Come on, do it! |
| [00:30.18] | Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. |
| [00:37.82] | I can' t believe you did that. |
| [00:41.09] | The One With Mrs. Bing |
| [01:28.03] | It' s all my fault. No, it' s mine. |
| [01:30.84] | Why did I whoohoo? |
| [01:32.70] | Was I hoping he' d turn around and say... |
| [01:35.21] | ... " I Iove that sound. I must have you now"? " |
| [01:39.11] | I wish there was something we could do. |
| [01:44.52] | Hello, coma guy. |
| [01:47.55] | Get up, you Girl Scout! Up, up, up! |
| [01:49.82] | What are you doing? |
| [01:51.29] | Maybe nobody' s tried this. |
| [01:56.00] | I wish we at Ieast knew his name. |
| [01:58.53] | I hate that they' re calling him John Doe. |
| [02:01.47] | It' s so sad. It' s Iike he' s a deer, a female deer. |
| [02:05.77] | Oh, I was gonna stop. |
| [02:09.54] | Look at that face. |
| [02:11.48] | Even sleeping he Iooks smart. |
| [02:13.88] | Yeah, but the dents in his knuckles mean he' s artistic. |
| [02:17.82] | Okay. He' s a Iawyer who teaches sculpting on the side. |
| [02:22.22] | And he can dance. |
| [02:24.52] | And he' s the kind of guy who, when you' re talking, he' s Iistening... |
| [02:29.03] | ... not saying," I understand "... |
| [02:31.03] | ... but really wondering what you Iook Iike naked. |
| [02:36.57] | I wish all guys could be Iike him. |
| [02:47.25] | You don' t even know this guy. |
| [02:49.35] | Are there no conscious men in the city for you two? |
| [02:55.45] | We feel kind of responsible. |
| [02:58.29] | I can' t believe you said " whoohoo. " |
| [03:01.46] | I don' t even say " whoohoo. " |
| [03:03.26] | Oh, she' s coming up. oh, |
| [03:05.00] | When we return, we ' ll talk with the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. |
| [03:12.27] | Don' t watch this. Weekend at Bernie ' s is on Showtime and HBO. |
| [03:16.04] | No way. |
| [03:17.51] | She' s your mom. Exactly. Weekend at Bernie ' s. |
| [03:21.38] | Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20, 30 times. |
| [03:26.22] | I gotta tell you, I Iove your mom' s books. |
| [03:29.65] | I can' t get on a plane without one. This is so cool. |
| [03:32.56] | You wouldn' t think so if you were 1 1... |
| [03:35.23] | ... and your friends were passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch. |
| [03:39.93] | I remember page 79. |
| [03:42.73] | The thing after the opera with the girl with the trick hip? |
| [03:49.64] | I Iove your mom. I think she' s a blast. |
| [03:52.14] | That' s because she' s not your mom. |
| [03:54.21] | Oh, please. She' s the |
| [03:55.75] | Hi, sweetie. |
| [03:59.45] | When did " Rigatoni " get back from Rome? |
| [04:03.72] | Last night. Really? |
| [04:05.29] | So, his plane didn' t explode in a big ball of fire? |
| [04:08.79] | Just a dream I had. |
| [04:11.03] | But, phew! |
| [04:13.46] | Hey, she' s on. |
| [04:17.90] | Nora Bing. |
| [04:25.81] | Your mom was arrested? |
| [04:27.61] | I' m busy beaming with pride. |
| [04:30.42] | This is kind of embarrassing... |
| [04:33.25] | ... but occasionally, after I' ve been intimate with a man... |
| [04:37.00] | Why would she say that' s embarrassing? |
| [04:40.36] | ... I just get this craving for kung pao chicken. |
| [04:43.83] | That' s too much information. |
| [04:49.93] | Needless to say, he got a huge tip. |
| [04:56.81] | Oh, God, I Iove her! oh, |
| [04:58.51] | I think I' m having a stroke. |
| [05:02.28] | So how is your book tour going? |
| [05:05.25] | Oh, fine. I' m leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate. |
| [05:09.52] | But I get to see my son, who I love. |
| [05:13.52] | This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone. |
| [05:17.66] | Don ' t take this wrong, I just don ' t see you as a mom. |
| [05:21.80] | I don ' t mean that bad. Oh, no. I' m a fabulous mom. |
| [05:26.34] | I bought my son his first condoms. |
| [05:34.35] | And then he burst into flames. |
| [05:45.42] | Let' s see. Congress is debating a new deficitreduction bill. |
| [05:50.00] | The mayor wants to raise subway fares. The high today was 45. |
| [05:55.83] | And teams played sports. |
| [06:24.60] | What about GIen? |
| [06:26.43] | He could be a GIen. |
| [06:27.90] | Not special enough. |
| [06:30.34] | How about Agamemnon? |
| [06:32.74] | Way too special. |
| [06:42.88] | I' m famished. What do I want? |
| [06:45.48] | PIease, God, don' t Iet it be kung pao chicken. |
| [06:52.00] | I think you need to come out of your shell. |
| [06:57.50] | What is this dive? |
| [06:59.46] | Only you could' ve picked this place. |
| [07:02.43] | Come on. Shut up. It' s fun. Give me a hug. |
| [07:06.00] | I heard about the divorce. Lesbian, huh? |
| [07:10.84] | Well, you know what they say: Be careful what you wish for. |
| [07:18.18] | I think we' re ready for some tequila. I know I am. |
| [07:21.22] | Who' s doing shots? Hit me. |
| [07:23.42] | There you go. Ross? |
| [07:25.19] | I' m not really a shotdrinking kind of guy. |
| [07:27.89] | Hi. Sorry we' re Iate. |
| [07:29.76] | We kind of just, you know, Iost track of time. |
| [07:35.53] | But a man can change. |
| [07:43.21] | Anyone want me to appraise anything? |
| [07:56.49] | Well, I' m gonna go to tinkertown. |
| [07:59.56] | Mrs. Bing, I' ve read everything you' ve written. |
| [08:07.23] | Oh, please. If I can do it, anybody can. |
| [08:10.44] | Start with half a dozen European cities... |
| [08:12.77] | ... throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia... |
| [08:15.71] | ... and you' ve got yourself a book. |
| [08:19.44] | My mother, Iadies and gentlemen. |
| [08:29.45] | You okay, slugger? Oh, yeah. I' m fine. |
| [08:45.30] | What is with you tonight? |
| [08:47.17] | Nothing. Nothing, nothing. |
| [08:50.61] | Okay, thank you. |
| [08:55.18] | It' s the Italian handIicker, isn' t it? |
| [08:58.25] | No. It' s the one he' s Iicking. |
| [09:01.82] | She' s supposed to be with you. |
| [09:04.52] | You' re good. |
| [09:06.69] | I have sold 1 00 million copies of my books, and you know why? |
| [09:11.93] | The girl on the cover with her nipples showing? |
| [09:16.87] | No, because I know how to write men that women fall in Iove with. |
| [09:22.14] | I cannot sell a Paolo. |
| [09:24.28] | People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo. |
| [09:27.65] | Come on. The guy' s a secondary character. |
| [09:31.05] | He' s just a complication you eventually kill off. |
| [09:35.62] | When? |
| [09:39.06] | He' s not a hero. |
| [09:42.09] | You know who our hero is? |
| [09:44.00] | The guy on the cover with his nipples showing? |
| [09:47.30] | No, it' s you. |
| [09:50.67] | Come on. You' re smart. You' re sexy. |
| [09:53.74] | Right. Yes, you are. |
| [09:55.61] | The fact that you don' t think you are makes you sexier. |
| [09:59.41] | Come on, kiddo. You' re gonna be fine, believe me. |
| [10:34.25] | Is Chandler here? |
| [10:35.81] | Wait. Come here. |
| [10:38.58] | Okay, about Iast night... ok, |
| [10:41.15] | ... you know... |
| [10:42.25] | ... Chandler, you didn' t tell.... |
| [10:44.49] | We don' t need to tell Chandler. It was just a kiss. No big deal, right? |
| [10:49.09] | Right. No big deal. |
| [10:51.16] | In bizarro world. |
| [10:56.27] | You broke the code. |
| [10:57.67] | What code? You don' t kiss your friend' s mom. |
| [11:00.84] | Sisters are okay. Maybe a hotIooking aunt. |
| [11:04.61] | But not a mom. Never a mom. |
| [11:09.88] | What are you guys doing out here? |
| [11:12.08] | Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. |
| [11:17.12] | But apparently somebody overslept. |
| [11:22.09] | Well, you don' t have your racquet. |
| [11:24.30] | No. No, I don' t because it' s being restrung. |
| [11:27.26] | Somebody was supposed to bring me one. |
| [11:30.64] | Well, you didn' t call and Ieave your grip size. |
| [11:35.94] | You guys are spending way too much time together. |
| [11:41.81] | I' m scum. I' m scum. |
| [11:43.55] | How could you Iet this happen? I don' t know. |
| [11:46.25] | It' s not Iike she' s a regular mom. |
| [11:48.39] | She' s sexy. She' s.... |
| [11:50.39] | You don' t think my mom' s sexy? |
| [11:56.79] | I' II have you know, GIoria T ribbiani was a handsome woman in her day. |
| [12:02.13] | You think it' s easy giving birth to seven children? |
| [12:07.41] | Okay, I think we' re getting into a weird area here. |
| [12:12.84] | What are you doing here? |
| [12:15.75] | Not playing racquetball. |
| [12:19.72] | He forgot to Ieave his grip size. He didn' t get the goggles. |
| [12:25.92] | Sounds Iike you two have issues. |
| [12:31.53] | Goodbye, baby. |
| [12:35.07] | Do they wait for me to do this? |
| [12:43.44] | Are you gonna tell him? Why would I tell him? |
| [12:46.84] | If you don' t, his mother might. |
| [12:50.58] | What are you guys doing here? |
| [12:53.42] | He' s not even wearing a jock strap. |
| [13:01.39] | What did I ask? |
| [13:17.81] | What are you doing here? |
| [13:19.64] | Nothing. I just thought I' d stop by, you know, after... |
| [13:23.05] | ... that I, you know. |
| [13:24.48] | So, what are you doing here? |
| [13:27.42] | I' m not really here. |
| [13:29.45] | I just thought I' d drop these off on the way. My way. |
| [13:36.39] | Do you come here a Iot... |
| [13:40.06] | ... without me? |
| [13:41.47] | No, no, no. |
| [13:46.90] | Do you think he' s doing any better than he was this morning? |
| [13:51.81] | How would I know? I wasn' t here. |
| [13:54.58] | Really? Not even to change his pajamas? |
| [14:02.05] | Oh, my God. |
| [14:03.29] | You' re my friend. I had to tell you. |
| [14:06.32] | I can' t believe it. |
| [14:09.03] | Paolo kissed my mom? |
| [14:11.73] | I don' t know if you noticed, but he drank a Iot. |
| [14:15.13] | I mean, you know how he gets |
| [14:19.57] | I can' t do this. I did it. |
| [14:21.74] | It was me. I' m sorry. I kissed your mom. |
| [14:24.71] | What? |
| [14:26.21] | I was upset about Rachel and I had too much tequila, and Nora... |
| [14:31.22] | ... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was... |
| [14:35.00] | ... being nice. But nothing happened. |
| [14:37.56] | Nothing. Ask Joey. |
| [14:39.06] | Joey came in You knew about this? |
| [14:42.23] | You know, knowledge is a tricky thing. |
| [14:45.83] | Why didn' t you tell me? |
| [14:48.40] | You' re Iucky I caught them, or else who knows what would' ve happened? |
| [14:52.40] | Thanks, man. Big help. |
| [14:54.54] | What the hell were you thinking? |
| [14:56.94] | I wasn' t. I don' t know. I |
| [14:59.14] | No one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you. |
| [15:02.71] | I know. I can' t believe you did this. |
| [15:05.22] | Me neither. I' m mad at you too. |
| [15:07.75] | Why are you mad at me? Let me slam the door. |
| [15:11.62] | I didn' t kiss her. See what happens when you break the code? |
| [15:29.21] | " A Woman Undone, by Rachel IKaren Greene. " " |
| [15:32.44] | I thought I' d give it a shot. I' m on the first chapter. |
| [15:36.05] | Do you think his " Iove stick" can be " Iiberated from its denim prison"? |
| [15:42.72] | Yeah, I' d say so. |
| [15:45.26] | And there' s no " J " in " engorged. " |
| [15:53.90] | You going to the hospital tonight? No. You? |
| [15:56.93] | No. You? |
| [16:00.91] | You just asked me. |
| [16:03.14] | Maybe it was a trick question. |
| [16:11.12] | I am so hot. |
| [16:14.65] | Here' s my mom and dad on their wedding day. |
| [16:22.36] | I can' t believe this conversation. Just try to picture her not pregnant. |
| [16:29.13] | Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay. |
| [16:34.87] | Thanks. |
| [16:38.14] | I' d Iike to start with a song about a man I recently met... |
| [16:43.08] | ... who' s come to be very important to me. |
| [16:51.26] | You don ' t have to be awake To be my man |
| [16:57.23] | Long as you have brain waves I' ll be there to hold your hand |
| [17:03.63] | Though we just met the other day |
| [17:06.07] | There ' s something I have got to say |
| [17:10.64] | Thank you very much. I' m gonna take a short break. |
| [17:16.08] | That was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. |
| [17:20.78] | What the hell was that? Phoebe just started |
| [17:23.75] | I was talking to Joey. AII right, there, motherkisser? |
| [17:32.76] | " Motherkisser. " |
| [17:35.83] | I' II shut up. |
| [17:37.33] | I know you' re still mad at me... |
| [17:40.04] | ... but there were two people there that night. |
| [17:43.37] | There were two sets of Iips. I expect this from her. |
| [17:46.84] | She' s always been a Freudian nightmare. |
| [17:49.51] | Then why don' t you say something? |
| [17:52.85] | Because it' s complicated. It' s complex. |
| [17:56.12] | You kissed my mom. |
| [18:01.46] | We' re rehearsing a Greek play. |
| [18:05.13] | That' s funny. Are we done now? |
| [18:07.06] | You mean you' re not gonna tell her how you feel? |
| [18:10.53] | Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom... |
| [18:17.41] | Okay. " You can' t"? Or you can' t? |
| [18:21.01] | Okay, that' s my finger. |
| [18:22.71] | Okay, that' s my knee. |
| [18:25.52] | Still doing the play. |
| [18:35.53] | What did you do with him? |
| [18:41.40] | You' re awake. Look at you. |
| [18:43.50] | How do you feel? |
| [18:45.67] | A Iittle woozy, but basically okay. |
| [18:47.94] | Gosh, you Iook good. |
| [18:50.07] | I feel good. |
| [18:52.74] | Who are you? |
| [18:54.45] | Sorry. I' m Phoebe. |
| [18:56.25] | I' m Monica. I' ve been caring for you. |
| [18:59.02] | We both have. |
| [19:00.32] | The Etch A Sketch is from you? Actually, me. |
| [19:03.59] | I got you the foot massager. I shaved you. |
| [19:06.52] | I read to you. I sang. |
| [19:11.03] | Well, thanks. |
| [19:12.70] | Oh, my pleasure. You' re welcome. |
| [19:15.13] | So I guess I' II see you around. |
| [19:19.27] | What? That' s it? |
| [19:21.57] | " See you around " |
| [19:23.47] | What do you want me to say? I don' t know. |
| [19:26.78] | Maybe... |
| [19:28.31] | ... " That was nice. " |
| [19:29.88] | " It meant something to me. " |
| [19:32.48] | " I' II call you. " |
| [19:35.09] | Okay. I' II call you. I don' t think you mean that. |
| [19:41.79] | This is so typical. |
| [19:44.13] | You know, we give and we give... |
| [19:47.00] | ... and we give. |
| [19:48.80] | And we just get nothing back. |
| [19:51.17] | And then one day, you wake up, and it' s," See you around. " |
| [19:57.31] | Let' s go, Phoebe. |
| [20:00.74] | You know what? We thought you were different. |
| [20:04.38] | But I guess it was just the coma. |
| [20:21.17] | Autographed. And give you a goodbye kiss. |
| [20:25.10] | Here' s the kiss, here' s the goodbye.... |
| [20:28.41] | Anything you want from Lisbon? Just knowing you' re there is enough. |
| [20:33.34] | AII right. Well, be good. I Iove you. |
| [20:39.75] | You kissed my best Ross. |
| [20:44.19] | Or something to that effect. |
| [20:52.86] | Look, it was stupid. |
| [20:55.00] | Really stupid. Really stupid. |
| [20:59.54] | I don' t even know how it happened. |
| [21:02.27] | I' m sorry, honey. I promise it will never happen again. |
| [21:07.14] | Really, really stupid. |
| [21:09.15] | Really, really stupid. |
| [21:12.75] | Are we okay now? Yeah. |
| [21:15.59] | No. |
| [21:22.06] | The forbidden Iove of a man and his door. |
| [21:27.06] | He told her off. And not just about the kiss. |
| [21:30.53] | You' re kidding? |
| [21:31.80] | He said," When are you gonna start being a mom? " |
| [21:35.44] | Then she said: |
| [21:36.84] | " The question is, when are you gonna realize I have a bomb? " |
| [21:43.35] | Are you sure she didn' t say: |
| [21:45.42] | " When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom? " |
| [21:52.59] | That makes more sense. You think? |
| [21:56.89] | What' s going on now? |
| [21:58.80] | I don' t know. I' ve been standing here spelling it out for you. |
| [22:04.37] | I don' t hear anything. Wait. |
| [22:06.44] | What do you see? |
| [22:07.70] | It' s hard to tell. They' re tiny and upside down. |
| [22:10.34] | Wait, wait, wait. |
| [22:11.88] | They' re walking away. They' re walking away. |
| [22:15.61] | No, they' re not. They' re coming right at us. Run! |
| [22:21.55] | Are you okay, kiddo? Yeah, I' m okay. |
| [22:24.32] | AII right. You be good. |
| [22:26.39] | Drive safe. |
| [22:29.93] | Mrs. Bing. Mr. Geller. |
| [22:41.00] | You mean that? |
| [22:43.27] | Yeah, why not? |
| [22:47.01] | So I told her. |
| [22:49.45] | How did it go? Awful. Awful. |
| [22:51.65] | Couldn' t have gone worse. |
| [22:54.32] | Well, how do you feel? Pretty good. |
| [22:59.19] | I told her. |
| [23:00.86] | Well, see? |
| [23:02.93] | So maybe it wasn' t such a bad idea, me kissing your mom, huh? |
| [23:07.43] | But we don' t have to go down that road. |
| [23:16.64] | This is just the first chapter... |
| [23:18.94] | ... and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay? |
| [23:24.18] | And on page two, he' s not reaching for her " heaving beasts. " |
| [23:29.79] | She could have heaving beasts. |
| [23:32.42] | Right, but in this case she doesn' t. |
| [23:36.16] | What' s a " niffle"? |
| [23:37.49] | You can usually find them on the heaving beasts. |
| [23:42.53] | Okay, so I' m not a great typist. |
| [23:45.00] | Did you get to the part about his " huge, throbbing pens"? |
| [23:49.61] | You don' t wanna be around when he starts writing with those. |
| [23:54.31] | That' s it. Give them back. |
| [02:41.-2] | I know. |
| [02:54.-4] | He doesn' t have anyone. |
| [03:10.-2] | Put the kids to bed for this one. |
| [04:21.-2] | Back to the book. What is this about you being arrested in London? |
| [06:49.-4] | You watched the show. What did you think? |
| [08:03.-3] | When I read Euphoria at Midnight, I wanted to become a writer. |
| [08:25.-1] | Yeah, any messages for room 226? 226 |
| [09:49.-2] | PIease. No, really. |
| [10:23.-2] | I' II just pee in the street. |
| [11:54.-3] | Well, not in the same way. |
| [16:07.-1] | Rachel, can we do this now? |
| [16:18.-3] | Now, you tell me she' s not a knockout. |
| [18:14.-2] | ... doesn' t mean you know her. You can' t talk to her. |
| [20:17.-3] | The car' s waiting. I just wanted to drop off my book for your friends. |
| [23:57.-1] | Wait, I just got to the part about her " public hair. " |
| [00:01.25] | Do you think they have yesterday' s Daily News? |
| [00:04.25] | I just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right. |
| [00:08.65] | Oh, my God! Don' t Iook now. Behind you there' s a guy... |
| [00:12.56] | ... who can break our hearts and plunge us into depression. |
| [00:18.30] | Come to mama. |
| [00:20.60] | He' s coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. |
| [00:23.30] | Nice hat. Thanks. |
| [00:26.14] | We should do something. Whistle. I' m not whistling. |
| [00:28.94] | Come on, do it! |
| [00:30.18] | Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. |
| [00:37.82] | I can' t believe you did that. |
| [00:41.09] | The One With Mrs. Bing |
| [01:28.03] | It' s all my fault. No, it' s mine. |
| [01:30.84] | Why did I whoohoo? |
| [01:32.70] | Was I hoping he' d turn around and say... |
| [01:35.21] | ... " I Iove that sound. I must have you now"? " |
| [01:39.11] | I wish there was something we could do. |
| [01:44.52] | Hello, coma guy. |
| [01:47.55] | Get up, you Girl Scout! Up, up, up! |
| [01:49.82] | What are you doing? |
| [01:51.29] | Maybe nobody' s tried this. |
| [01:56.00] | I wish we at Ieast knew his name. |
| [01:58.53] | I hate that they' re calling him John Doe. |
| [02:01.47] | It' s so sad. It' s Iike he' s a deer, a female deer. |
| [02:05.77] | Oh, I was gonna stop. |
| [02:09.54] | Look at that face. |
| [02:11.48] | Even sleeping he Iooks smart. |
| [02:13.88] | Yeah, but the dents in his knuckles mean he' s artistic. |
| [02:17.82] | Okay. He' s a Iawyer who teaches sculpting on the side. |
| [02:22.22] | And he can dance. |
| [02:24.52] | And he' s the kind of guy who, when you' re talking, he' s Iistening... |
| [02:29.03] | ... not saying," I understand "... |
| [02:31.03] | ... but really wondering what you Iook Iike naked. |
| [02:36.57] | I wish all guys could be Iike him. |
| [02:47.25] | You don' t even know this guy. |
| [02:49.35] | Are there no conscious men in the city for you two? |
| [02:55.45] | We feel kind of responsible. |
| [02:58.29] | I can' t believe you said " whoohoo. " |
| [03:01.46] | I don' t even say " whoohoo. " |
| [03:03.26] | Oh, she' s coming up. oh, |
| [03:05.00] | When we return, we ' ll talk with the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. |
| [03:12.27] | Don' t watch this. Weekend at Bernie ' s is on Showtime and HBO. |
| [03:16.04] | No way. |
| [03:17.51] | She' s your mom. Exactly. Weekend at Bernie ' s. |
| [03:21.38] | Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20, 30 times. |
| [03:26.22] | I gotta tell you, I Iove your mom' s books. |
| [03:29.65] | I can' t get on a plane without one. This is so cool. |
| [03:32.56] | You wouldn' t think so if you were 1 1... |
| [03:35.23] | ... and your friends were passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch. |
| [03:39.93] | I remember page 79. |
| [03:42.73] | The thing after the opera with the girl with the trick hip? |
| [03:49.64] | I Iove your mom. I think she' s a blast. |
| [03:52.14] | That' s because she' s not your mom. |
| [03:54.21] | Oh, please. She' s the |
| [03:55.75] | Hi, sweetie. |
| [03:59.45] | When did " Rigatoni " get back from Rome? |
| [04:03.72] | Last night. Really? |
| [04:05.29] | So, his plane didn' t explode in a big ball of fire? |
| [04:08.79] | Just a dream I had. |
| [04:11.03] | But, phew! |
| [04:13.46] | Hey, she' s on. |
| [04:17.90] | Nora Bing. |
| [04:25.81] | Your mom was arrested? |
| [04:27.61] | I' m busy beaming with pride. |
| [04:30.42] | This is kind of embarrassing... |
| [04:33.25] | ... but occasionally, after I' ve been intimate with a man... |
| [04:37.00] | Why would she say that' s embarrassing? |
| [04:40.36] | ... I just get this craving for kung pao chicken. |
| [04:43.83] | That' s too much information. |
| [04:49.93] | Needless to say, he got a huge tip. |
| [04:56.81] | Oh, God, I Iove her! oh, |
| [04:58.51] | I think I' m having a stroke. |
| [05:02.28] | So how is your book tour going? |
| [05:05.25] | Oh, fine. I' m leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate. |
| [05:09.52] | But I get to see my son, who I love. |
| [05:13.52] | This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone. |
| [05:17.66] | Don ' t take this wrong, I just don ' t see you as a mom. |
| [05:21.80] | I don ' t mean that bad. Oh, no. I' m a fabulous mom. |
| [05:26.34] | I bought my son his first condoms. |
| [05:34.35] | And then he burst into flames. |
| [05:45.42] | Let' s see. Congress is debating a new deficitreduction bill. |
| [05:50.00] | The mayor wants to raise subway fares. The high today was 45. |
| [05:55.83] | And teams played sports. |
| [06:24.60] | What about GIen? |
| [06:26.43] | He could be a GIen. |
| [06:27.90] | Not special enough. |
| [06:30.34] | How about Agamemnon? |
| [06:32.74] | Way too special. |
| [06:42.88] | I' m famished. What do I want? |
| [06:45.48] | PIease, God, don' t Iet it be kung pao chicken. |
| [06:52.00] | I think you need to come out of your shell. |
| [06:57.50] | What is this dive? |
| [06:59.46] | Only you could' ve picked this place. |
| [07:02.43] | Come on. Shut up. It' s fun. Give me a hug. |
| [07:06.00] | I heard about the divorce. Lesbian, huh? |
| [07:10.84] | Well, you know what they say: Be careful what you wish for. |
| [07:18.18] | I think we' re ready for some tequila. I know I am. |
| [07:21.22] | Who' s doing shots? Hit me. |
| [07:23.42] | There you go. Ross? |
| [07:25.19] | I' m not really a shotdrinking kind of guy. |
| [07:27.89] | Hi. Sorry we' re Iate. |
| [07:29.76] | We kind of just, you know, Iost track of time. |
| [07:35.53] | But a man can change. |
| [07:43.21] | Anyone want me to appraise anything? |
| [07:56.49] | Well, I' m gonna go to tinkertown. |
| [07:59.56] | Mrs. Bing, I' ve read everything you' ve written. |
| [08:07.23] | Oh, please. If I can do it, anybody can. |
| [08:10.44] | Start with half a dozen European cities... |
| [08:12.77] | ... throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia... |
| [08:15.71] | ... and you' ve got yourself a book. |
| [08:19.44] | My mother, Iadies and gentlemen. |
| [08:29.45] | You okay, slugger? Oh, yeah. I' m fine. |
| [08:45.30] | What is with you tonight? |
| [08:47.17] | Nothing. Nothing, nothing. |
| [08:50.61] | Okay, thank you. |
| [08:55.18] | It' s the Italian handIicker, isn' t it? |
| [08:58.25] | No. It' s the one he' s Iicking. |
| [09:01.82] | She' s supposed to be with you. |
| [09:04.52] | You' re good. |
| [09:06.69] | I have sold 1 00 million copies of my books, and you know why? |
| [09:11.93] | The girl on the cover with her nipples showing? |
| [09:16.87] | No, because I know how to write men that women fall in Iove with. |
| [09:22.14] | I cannot sell a Paolo. |
| [09:24.28] | People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo. |
| [09:27.65] | Come on. The guy' s a secondary character. |
| [09:31.05] | He' s just a complication you eventually kill off. |
| [09:35.62] | When? |
| [09:39.06] | He' s not a hero. |
| [09:42.09] | You know who our hero is? |
| [09:44.00] | The guy on the cover with his nipples showing? |
| [09:47.30] | No, it' s you. |
| [09:50.67] | Come on. You' re smart. You' re sexy. |
| [09:53.74] | Right. Yes, you are. |
| [09:55.61] | The fact that you don' t think you are makes you sexier. |
| [09:59.41] | Come on, kiddo. You' re gonna be fine, believe me. |
| [10:34.25] | Is Chandler here? |
| [10:35.81] | Wait. Come here. |
| [10:38.58] | Okay, about Iast night... ok, |
| [10:41.15] | ... you know... |
| [10:42.25] | ... Chandler, you didn' t tell.... |
| [10:44.49] | We don' t need to tell Chandler. It was just a kiss. No big deal, right? |
| [10:49.09] | Right. No big deal. |
| [10:51.16] | In bizarro world. |
| [10:56.27] | You broke the code. |
| [10:57.67] | What code? You don' t kiss your friend' s mom. |
| [11:00.84] | Sisters are okay. Maybe a hotIooking aunt. |
| [11:04.61] | But not a mom. Never a mom. |
| [11:09.88] | What are you guys doing out here? |
| [11:12.08] | Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. |
| [11:17.12] | But apparently somebody overslept. |
| [11:22.09] | Well, you don' t have your racquet. |
| [11:24.30] | No. No, I don' t because it' s being restrung. |
| [11:27.26] | Somebody was supposed to bring me one. |
| [11:30.64] | Well, you didn' t call and Ieave your grip size. |
| [11:35.94] | You guys are spending way too much time together. |
| [11:41.81] | I' m scum. I' m scum. |
| [11:43.55] | How could you Iet this happen? I don' t know. |
| [11:46.25] | It' s not Iike she' s a regular mom. |
| [11:48.39] | She' s sexy. She' s.... |
| [11:50.39] | You don' t think my mom' s sexy? |
| [11:56.79] | I' II have you know, GIoria T ribbiani was a handsome woman in her day. |
| [12:02.13] | You think it' s easy giving birth to seven children? |
| [12:07.41] | Okay, I think we' re getting into a weird area here. |
| [12:12.84] | What are you doing here? |
| [12:15.75] | Not playing racquetball. |
| [12:19.72] | He forgot to Ieave his grip size. He didn' t get the goggles. |
| [12:25.92] | Sounds Iike you two have issues. |
| [12:31.53] | Goodbye, baby. |
| [12:35.07] | Do they wait for me to do this? |
| [12:43.44] | Are you gonna tell him? Why would I tell him? |
| [12:46.84] | If you don' t, his mother might. |
| [12:50.58] | What are you guys doing here? |
| [12:53.42] | He' s not even wearing a jock strap. |
| [13:01.39] | What did I ask? |
| [13:17.81] | What are you doing here? |
| [13:19.64] | Nothing. I just thought I' d stop by, you know, after... |
| [13:23.05] | ... that I, you know. |
| [13:24.48] | So, what are you doing here? |
| [13:27.42] | I' m not really here. |
| [13:29.45] | I just thought I' d drop these off on the way. My way. |
| [13:36.39] | Do you come here a Iot... |
| [13:40.06] | ... without me? |
| [13:41.47] | No, no, no. |
| [13:46.90] | Do you think he' s doing any better than he was this morning? |
| [13:51.81] | How would I know? I wasn' t here. |
| [13:54.58] | Really? Not even to change his pajamas? |
| [14:02.05] | Oh, my God. |
| [14:03.29] | You' re my friend. I had to tell you. |
| [14:06.32] | I can' t believe it. |
| [14:09.03] | Paolo kissed my mom? |
| [14:11.73] | I don' t know if you noticed, but he drank a Iot. |
| [14:15.13] | I mean, you know how he gets |
| [14:19.57] | I can' t do this. I did it. |
| [14:21.74] | It was me. I' m sorry. I kissed your mom. |
| [14:24.71] | What? |
| [14:26.21] | I was upset about Rachel and I had too much tequila, and Nora... |
| [14:31.22] | ... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was... |
| [14:35.00] | ... being nice. But nothing happened. |
| [14:37.56] | Nothing. Ask Joey. |
| [14:39.06] | Joey came in You knew about this? |
| [14:42.23] | You know, knowledge is a tricky thing. |
| [14:45.83] | Why didn' t you tell me? |
| [14:48.40] | You' re Iucky I caught them, or else who knows what would' ve happened? |
| [14:52.40] | Thanks, man. Big help. |
| [14:54.54] | What the hell were you thinking? |
| [14:56.94] | I wasn' t. I don' t know. I |
| [14:59.14] | No one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you. |
| [15:02.71] | I know. I can' t believe you did this. |
| [15:05.22] | Me neither. I' m mad at you too. |
| [15:07.75] | Why are you mad at me? Let me slam the door. |
| [15:11.62] | I didn' t kiss her. See what happens when you break the code? |
| [15:29.21] | " A Woman Undone, by Rachel IKaren Greene. " " |
| [15:32.44] | I thought I' d give it a shot. I' m on the first chapter. |
| [15:36.05] | Do you think his " Iove stick" can be " Iiberated from its denim prison"? |
| [15:42.72] | Yeah, I' d say so. |
| [15:45.26] | And there' s no " J " in " engorged. " |
| [15:53.90] | You going to the hospital tonight? No. You? |
| [15:56.93] | No. You? |
| [16:00.91] | You just asked me. |
| [16:03.14] | Maybe it was a trick question. |
| [16:11.12] | I am so hot. |
| [16:14.65] | Here' s my mom and dad on their wedding day. |
| [16:22.36] | I can' t believe this conversation. Just try to picture her not pregnant. |
| [16:29.13] | Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay. |
| [16:34.87] | Thanks. |
| [16:38.14] | I' d Iike to start with a song about a man I recently met... |
| [16:43.08] | ... who' s come to be very important to me. |
| [16:51.26] | You don ' t have to be awake To be my man |
| [16:57.23] | Long as you have brain waves I' ll be there to hold your hand |
| [17:03.63] | Though we just met the other day |
| [17:06.07] | There ' s something I have got to say |
| [17:10.64] | Thank you very much. I' m gonna take a short break. |
| [17:16.08] | That was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. |
| [17:20.78] | What the hell was that? Phoebe just started |
| [17:23.75] | I was talking to Joey. AII right, there, motherkisser? |
| [17:32.76] | " Motherkisser. " |
| [17:35.83] | I' II shut up. |
| [17:37.33] | I know you' re still mad at me... |
| [17:40.04] | ... but there were two people there that night. |
| [17:43.37] | There were two sets of Iips. I expect this from her. |
| [17:46.84] | She' s always been a Freudian nightmare. |
| [17:49.51] | Then why don' t you say something? |
| [17:52.85] | Because it' s complicated. It' s complex. |
| [17:56.12] | You kissed my mom. |
| [18:01.46] | We' re rehearsing a Greek play. |
| [18:05.13] | That' s funny. Are we done now? |
| [18:07.06] | You mean you' re not gonna tell her how you feel? |
| [18:10.53] | Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom... |
| [18:17.41] | Okay. " You can' t"? Or you can' t? |
| [18:21.01] | Okay, that' s my finger. |
| [18:22.71] | Okay, that' s my knee. |
| [18:25.52] | Still doing the play. |
| [18:35.53] | What did you do with him? |
| [18:41.40] | You' re awake. Look at you. |
| [18:43.50] | How do you feel? |
| [18:45.67] | A Iittle woozy, but basically okay. |
| [18:47.94] | Gosh, you Iook good. |
| [18:50.07] | I feel good. |
| [18:52.74] | Who are you? |
| [18:54.45] | Sorry. I' m Phoebe. |
| [18:56.25] | I' m Monica. I' ve been caring for you. |
| [18:59.02] | We both have. |
| [19:00.32] | The Etch A Sketch is from you? Actually, me. |
| [19:03.59] | I got you the foot massager. I shaved you. |
| [19:06.52] | I read to you. I sang. |
| [19:11.03] | Well, thanks. |
| [19:12.70] | Oh, my pleasure. You' re welcome. |
| [19:15.13] | So I guess I' II see you around. |
| [19:19.27] | What? That' s it? |
| [19:21.57] | " See you around " |
| [19:23.47] | What do you want me to say? I don' t know. |
| [19:26.78] | Maybe... |
| [19:28.31] | ... " That was nice. " |
| [19:29.88] | " It meant something to me. " |
| [19:32.48] | " I' II call you. " |
| [19:35.09] | Okay. I' II call you. I don' t think you mean that. |
| [19:41.79] | This is so typical. |
| [19:44.13] | You know, we give and we give... |
| [19:47.00] | ... and we give. |
| [19:48.80] | And we just get nothing back. |
| [19:51.17] | And then one day, you wake up, and it' s," See you around. " |
| [19:57.31] | Let' s go, Phoebe. |
| [20:00.74] | You know what? We thought you were different. |
| [20:04.38] | But I guess it was just the coma. |
| [20:21.17] | Autographed. And give you a goodbye kiss. |
| [20:25.10] | Here' s the kiss, here' s the goodbye.... |
| [20:28.41] | Anything you want from Lisbon? Just knowing you' re there is enough. |
| [20:33.34] | AII right. Well, be good. I Iove you. |
| [20:39.75] | You kissed my best Ross. |
| [20:44.19] | Or something to that effect. |
| [20:52.86] | Look, it was stupid. |
| [20:55.00] | Really stupid. Really stupid. |
| [20:59.54] | I don' t even know how it happened. |
| [21:02.27] | I' m sorry, honey. I promise it will never happen again. |
| [21:07.14] | Really, really stupid. |
| [21:09.15] | Really, really stupid. |
| [21:12.75] | Are we okay now? Yeah. |
| [21:15.59] | No. |
| [21:22.06] | The forbidden Iove of a man and his door. |
| [21:27.06] | He told her off. And not just about the kiss. |
| [21:30.53] | You' re kidding? |
| [21:31.80] | He said," When are you gonna start being a mom? " |
| [21:35.44] | Then she said: |
| [21:36.84] | " The question is, when are you gonna realize I have a bomb? " |
| [21:43.35] | Are you sure she didn' t say: |
| [21:45.42] | " When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom? " |
| [21:52.59] | That makes more sense. You think? |
| [21:56.89] | What' s going on now? |
| [21:58.80] | I don' t know. I' ve been standing here spelling it out for you. |
| [22:04.37] | I don' t hear anything. Wait. |
| [22:06.44] | What do you see? |
| [22:07.70] | It' s hard to tell. They' re tiny and upside down. |
| [22:10.34] | Wait, wait, wait. |
| [22:11.88] | They' re walking away. They' re walking away. |
| [22:15.61] | No, they' re not. They' re coming right at us. Run! |
| [22:21.55] | Are you okay, kiddo? Yeah, I' m okay. |
| [22:24.32] | AII right. You be good. |
| [22:26.39] | Drive safe. |
| [22:29.93] | Mrs. Bing. Mr. Geller. |
| [22:41.00] | You mean that? |
| [22:43.27] | Yeah, why not? |
| [22:47.01] | So I told her. |
| [22:49.45] | How did it go? Awful. Awful. |
| [22:51.65] | Couldn' t have gone worse. |
| [22:54.32] | Well, how do you feel? Pretty good. |
| [22:59.19] | I told her. |
| [23:00.86] | Well, see? |
| [23:02.93] | So maybe it wasn' t such a bad idea, me kissing your mom, huh? |
| [23:07.43] | But we don' t have to go down that road. |
| [23:16.64] | This is just the first chapter... |
| [23:18.94] | ... and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay? |
| [23:24.18] | And on page two, he' s not reaching for her " heaving beasts. " |
| [23:29.79] | She could have heaving beasts. |
| [23:32.42] | Right, but in this case she doesn' t. |
| [23:36.16] | What' s a " niffle"? |
| [23:37.49] | You can usually find them on the heaving beasts. |
| [23:42.53] | Okay, so I' m not a great typist. |
| [23:45.00] | Did you get to the part about his " huge, throbbing pens"? |
| [23:49.61] | You don' t wanna be around when he starts writing with those. |
| [23:54.31] | That' s it. Give them back. |
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