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Tonight at 10 |
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The world is ending again |
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And we know why and when |
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So you better watch |
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We got a bit with some feminist chick |
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And also a picture of a starlet's crotch! |
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Two people died, a double homicide |
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Their bodies found inside of a wishing well |
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And we tackle the flaws in these obesity laws |
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In this segment that's sponsored by Taco Bell |
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We've got violence, danger, ***, and drugs |
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And it's awesome cause all of it's real! |
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We do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel... |
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All of this and more and live |
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Only on the Channel 5 News! |
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We've got Chip Walker, live at the scene, with breaking news! Chip are you there? |
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Chip Walker here |
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Am I coming in clear? |
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I'm standing near |
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To the scene of the crime |
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This Iraqi guy's shop |
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Seemed a newsworthy spot |
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So we've been gathering shots here for quite some time |
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Today, real fast |
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The owner's daughter passed |
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We grabbed a shot of her ass |
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While the owner was near |
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Then he struck my chest |
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And now he's under arrest |
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And now you people have one less man to fear |
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This family's angry, crying, sad, and lost |
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And it's awesome, cause all of it's real! |
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I do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel... |
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More as this develops live |
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Only on the Channel 5 News |
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We go now to Max Stevens, with the weather for the weekend |
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What are we looking at here, Max: umbrellas or picnic baskets? |
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Max? Max?! |
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We're experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by |
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Alright, we got a signal. Cut to Max |
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Good evening, hi |
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It's your weather guy |
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I advise you to buy another lightning rod |
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We didn't catch this impending disaster |
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Maybe it's natural, maybe it's God (he's off script) |
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The sliding mud |
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The incoming flood (he's off script) |
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Will never wash the blood |
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From my greedy old hands! (he's off script, cut to the commercial) |
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This job was fun, I had a pretty good run |
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But I've never been one to give in to demands (he's off script, cut to the commercial!) |
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People are angry, crying, sad, and lost |
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And it's awful cause all of it's real! |
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We do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel... |
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All of this and more and live |
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Only on the Channel 5- |
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Only on the Channel 5- |
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Only-only-on- |
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We're back |
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News |
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Only on the Channel 5 News |
