| I am a dull and simple lad | |
| Cannot tell water from champagne | |
| and I have never met the Queen | |
| And I wish I could have all he has got - | |
| I wish I could be like David Watts | |
| And when I lie on my pillow at night | |
| I dream I could fight like David Watts | |
| And lead the school team to victory | |
| Take my exams and pass the lot | |
| He is the head boy at the school | |
| He is the captain of the team | |
| His is so gay and fancy free | |
| And I wish I could have all he has got | |
| I wish I could be like David Watts | |
| And all the girls in the neighbourhood | |
| Try to go out with David Watts | |
| TheY try their best but can't succeed | |
| For he is of pure and noble breed |