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Woman |
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<gasp> |
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Oh my gosh, girls, and Peter, don't look now; I told you don't look. |
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There's that guy, he is so weird. |
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Look at him in his violet shirt with that toddler body. |
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You know, you don't need to be wearin' no shades of lavender, |
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When you got a body like a baby. |
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<clapping> |
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Oh no, I will not dance. I will not dance. |
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T.J |
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I got a club foot on the left side |
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And on the right side I have an even worse foot. |
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I'm a weird dude, I like weird shit |
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I'm a weird guy, I get weird with it |
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When I party it don't make much sense |
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Don't mind me, I'm on a 32 day Tanqueray cleanse |
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<phone rings> So you want to party like that, bitch? |
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It's the fusion between confusion and something else |
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I'd probably get kicked out if it wasn't for the wealth |
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Let's wear togas, with tuxedos underneath |
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And order several pizzas we allow homeless men to eat |
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(Now I'm partying with them!) |
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Roll up to the club with a limp like I'm hurt (ow!) |
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Ask for medical attention but I call everyone Bert (what up, Bert?) |
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Then I explain, I'm not even wounded |
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This club sucks, I arrived and still ruined it |
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Bring a boombox in the car wash (now we're partying) |
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Recipes for goulash (now we're partying) |
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Laundrymat with no clothes (now we're partying) |
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At the nudist camp fully clothed |
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I'm a party machine, remixing Martin Luther King |
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Because I also have a very important dream |
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But in mine I'm naked, and I'm bathing in shaving cream |
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So it's a weird one, it's actually not that inspirational.. |
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NyQuil when I'm fine, liquor when I'm sick |
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And if someone asks to see it, I show 'em a little dick |
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Not my penis, the short guy named Richard, we call him Rick (what up, Rick?) |
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He's actually kind of a dick. |
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I drink malt liquor on the playground |
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Vomit watching kids on the merry-go-round |
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Wait outside public restrooms, tell them I'm not in line |
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When they come out, I say how was it and they say "...fine?" |
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I got sliced ham in my pocket ready to go |
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If someone wants a sandwich, just provide your own roll |
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It's BYOB, that means "bring your own bread" |
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Right foot, it's always Nikes, on my left it's Keds |
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For every beer I drink, one goes in the toilet |
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I tell all the girls my purple shirt is violet |
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And watch them as they're more confused than I am |
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Then I politely offer them some of my pocket ham (it's hickory!) |
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Malt liquor at the party store (now we're partying) |
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Read Norwegian folklore (now we're partying) |
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Waterpark lost-and-found (now we're partying) |
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At casual events I wear a ball gown |
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Ninny-ninny foo foo, this is how we do do |
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Shizzle my tizzle, I fizzle when I'm on the kizzle |
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Nothing that I'm saying even makes sense (makes sense) |
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Everything I'm saying is nonsense (nonsense) |
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I wear shrimp cologne, go on double dates alone |
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Call myself three days later, don't pick up the phone |
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I make deposits at the bank, hangin' at the ATM |
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Sneak a peak at someone's balance (Now I'm partying with them!) |
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Don't like keg stands, prefer keg sits |
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When I drink wine, I get the beer-shits |
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Tell me about your boobs, I stay abreast of those tits |
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They're like whiskey when it's cold: I likes little nips! |
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I smoke a little weed, then I smoke a little less (what?) |
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I'm ADD so I need hours for the breathalyzer test |
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I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom |
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Mostly janitorial, mop and broom |
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Got kicked out of the party store for partying |
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But in my opinion, yo, here's the thing |
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If it's a party store and I can't breakdance or drink |
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They should call it The Unfun Streamer Store, don't you think? |
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Hanging out with Crevin Harbutton (now we're partying) |
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Red hats, nice luncheon (now we're partying) |
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Asleep in the cab (now we're partying) |
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Build a pillow fort out of mattresses |
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Woman |
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Oh, I know he not gonna try to sing too, |
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Oh my gosh, that is so 1970. |
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T.J. |
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Oh girls, it is so good to hang out with you guys in person, |
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I'm sick of Skyping. |
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(Nevermind.) |
