| [00:00.57] |
Remember the little ditties we used to sing together when I was a child, |
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Well here's a new one. |
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Some little piggies go to market. |
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Some little piggies stay at home. |
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Some little piggies eat roast beef. |
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(Roast beef) |
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Whilst other little piggies have none. |
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But there's a little piggy that I'm telling you about. |
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It's a secret little piggy, |
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Don't let anyone find out. |
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There's a pig, |
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In the house, |
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(In the house) |
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Here with us. |
| [00:39.09] |
There's a pig, |
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In the house, |
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But we don't want any fuss. |
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With a pig, |
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In the house, |
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Best we keep it to ourselves. |
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It's important you remember in case anybody delves. |
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There's no pig, |
| [00:52.05] |
(But I thought you-) |
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In the house, |
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(-you said) |
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If you think about it thus. |
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There's no pig, |
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In the house, |
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If there's anyone but us. |
| [00:59.43] |
There's no pig in the house, |
| [01:01.46] |
There's just Gilbert, Joyce and you, |
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But when no one else is looking, |
| [01:06.57] |
There's a little piggy too. |
| [01:10.00] |
Pig. |
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No pig. |
| [01:11.66] |
Pig. |
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No pig. |
| [01:13.04] |
You think I've gone loopy-loo. |
| [01:16.68] |
Pig. |
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No pig. |
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Pig. |
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No pig. |
| [01:20.03] |
I know what you're trying to do. |
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Fill my head with nonsense, |
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Then say I've gone berserk. |
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Lock me in the nut-house, |
| [01:28.62] |
Well that's never gonna work! |
| [01:30.26] |
There's no way you are shutting me inside a loony-bin, |
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No not by the hairs, |
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On my chinny chin chin. |
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You wanna put me away, |
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Don't you. |
| [01:40.68] |
No one wants to put you away. |
| [01:42.15] |
Well actually I wouldn't mind- |
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Gilbert! |
| [01:44.04] |
Doctor Swaby put Mrs Beavers away when she |
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Didn't know her times tables or who the PM was. |
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This isn't like Mrs Beavers, love. |
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We're just trying to tell you, |
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There's a pig so in case you see it you know you're not going bananas. |
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(Oh she is going bananas!) |
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I could eat a banana |
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There are no bananas! |
| [01:58.71] |
There's a pig, |
| [01:59.17] |
(There's a pig), |
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In the house, |
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(In the house), |
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It is under our roof! |
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(In the house!) |
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There's a pig, |
| [02:03.15] |
(There's a pig), |
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In the house, |
| [02:03.96] |
(In the house), |
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Take a sniff and there's your proof! |
| [02:06.16] |
There's a pig, |
| [02:06.99] |
(There's a pig), |
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In the house, |
| [02:08.01] |
(In the house), |
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That we must not give away, |
| [02:10.31] |
So if anyone should visit, |
| [02:12.13] |
It's important that you say: |
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There's no pig, |
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(No pig!), |
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In the house, |
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(In the house), |
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In case anyone complains. |
| [02:18.12] |
There's no pig, |
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(No pig!) |
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In the house, |
| [02:20.10] |
(In the house), |
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It's a problem with the drains. |
| [02:22.08] |
There's no pig, |
| [02:23.50] |
In the house, |
| [02:24.23] |
There's just Gilbert, Joyce and you. |
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(There's just me and both of you!) |
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But when no one else is looking, |
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There's a little piggy too! |
| [02:31.27] |
There now! Isn't that simple. |
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(Yeah!) |
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Now,let's supposing that nosey Mrs Tilbrook was to come round again, |
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What do we say? |
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Pig! |
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No pig! |
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Pig! |
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No pig! |
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Can it do me any harm? |
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(No mother no!) |
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Pig! |
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No pig! |
| [02:49.00] |
Pig! |
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No pig! |
| [02:51.00] |
Shouldn't it be on a farm? |
| [02:54.38] |
Can't be that hygienic, |
| [02:55.89] |
There's diseases you can get. |
| [02:57.68] |
What's wrong with a budgie, |
| [02:59.21] |
Or a little furry pet? |
| [03:01.04] |
It won't be stopping long so I've been promised by my spouse, |
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So let's just pretend, |
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There's no pig in our house. |
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There's no pig in our house. |
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There's no pig in our house. |
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There! I believe we are all of one mind. |
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Yeah, Bonkers! |
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Now,show her the creature. |
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There's no pig, |
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In the house! |
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She's escaped from her sty. |
| [03:29.10] |
There's no pig, |
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In the house! |
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Well they say that pigs might fly. |
| [03:33.10] |
She can't just escape, |
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She'll be dirtying my floor. |
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(Ding, dong) |
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And of course with perfect timing, |
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Now there's someone at the door. |
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Who is it? |
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Oh it's Veronica Allardyce, |
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It's time for her lesson. |
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Send her away! |
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That might arouse suspicion, |
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I'll see to Veronica, |
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You see to that pig. |
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Good morning Veronica! |
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There's a pig in this house, |
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In this house here with us. |
| [03:56.35] |
There's a pig in this house, |
| [03:57.27] |
But we don't want any fuss. |
| [03:58.19] |
With a pig in this house, |
| [03:59.21] |
Best we keep it to ourselves. |
| [04:00.07] |
It's important you remember in case anybody delves. |
| [04:02.52] |
That's lovely mother. |
| [04:04.37] |
Ours is a very musical family. |
| [04:07.09] |
We sing all the time. |
| [04:09.00] |
Your house smells! |
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Our house doesn't smell! |
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My mother says poor people's houses smell. |
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Your mother is a font of wisdom and compassion. |
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Ow my coat! |
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Best to leave it on, |
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Poor people's houses are also cold. |
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Now, play. |
| [04:22.82] |
(I can't find her!) |
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Play! |
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Found the pig! |
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In the house |
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She's in there, |
| [04:30.98] |
In the loo. |
| [04:31.91] |
Very good, |
| [04:33.07] |
Here's a knife. |
| [04:33.94] |
Go and do what you must do! |
| [04:36.02] |
Dicekal Veronica, |
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Next forte love. |
| [04:38.66] |
And we'll have ham, |
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We'll have chops, |
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We'll have tripe and so much more! |
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(Ding, dong. Ding, dong) |
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And again with perfect timing, |
| [04:47.20] |
Someone else is at the door. |
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Oh, Gestapo! |
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Gestapo, minister of meat! |
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What's he doing here? |
| [04:53.88] |
Pig! |
| [04:54.10] |
No Pig! |
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Pig! |
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No Pig! |
| [04:57.00] |
Is it Doctor Swaby come to take me away? |
| [04:59.12] |
(No it's not you they'll be taking away!) |
| [05:00.71] |
Pig! |
| [05:01.24] |
No Pig! |
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(Oh shut up!) |
| [05:02.37] |
Pig! |
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No Pig! |
| [05:03.70] |
It's no good mother, |
| [05:04.29] |
We have no choice but to answer it! |
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Mr Wormold. |
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I have an appointment. |
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Please come in, |
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This is my, err, wife and her mother. |
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There's no pig in this house, |
| [05:15.21] |
If you think about it thus. |
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There's no pig in this house, |
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If there's anyone but us. |
| [05:18.25] |
There's no pig in this house, |
| [05:19.33] |
Just me and all of you. |
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But when no one else is looking, |
| [05:21.46] |
(But there is somebody looking!) |
| [05:22.62] |
But when no one else is looking, |
| [05:23.38] |
There's a little piggy too! |
| [05:24.62] |
Oh that's lovely mother dear. |
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Now. |
| [05:27.00] |
It's time for your nap. |
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Veronica love, |
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Where are you going? |
| [05:30.18] |
To the toilet. |
| [05:31.35] |
No! |
| [05:33.11] |
A pig! |
| [05:34.18] |
No pig. |
| [05:35.71] |
Pig, |
| [05:36.05] |
No pig. |
| [05:36.92] |
They think I've gone loopy loo. |
| [05:40.00] |
(There's a pig!) |
| [05:40.65] |
Pig, |
| [05:41.58] |
No pig. |
| [05:42.61] |
Pig, |
| [05:43.15] |
No pig. |
| [05:44.27] |
I know what they're trying to do. |
| [05:48.50] |
A pig in the house, |
| [05:50.20] |
What an absurd notion, |
| [05:51.69] |
The very idea. |
| [05:52.52] |
That's enough practice today dear. |
| [05:55.03] |
And don't think I won't report this incident to your mother,as I'm sure she's already told you! |
| [05:59.00] |
Only poor people lie. |
| [06:01.00] |
Children! |
| [06:03.34] |
They have such overactive imaginations! |
| [06:05.60] |
I'm sorry about your foot Mr Wormold, |
| [06:07.34] |
I promise to be more careful with the other one. |
| [06:09.04] |
Oh that won't be necessary! |
| [06:11.32] |
Magic fingers indeed! |
| [06:14.00] |
There's a pig, |
| [06:15.52] |
In the house. |
| [06:16.29] |
But it isn't going to stay! |
| [06:18.33] |
There's a pig, |
| [06:19.13] |
In the house. |
| [06:20.15] |
That you have to put away! |
| [06:22.24] |
Pig, |
| [06:22.75] |
No pig. |
| [06:24.00] |
There's a pig in the house. |
| [06:25.78] |
There's a pig in the house. |
| [06:27.51] |
There's a pig in the house, |
| [06:29.30] |
Leaving chaos in it's way! |
| [06:33.00] |
I thought by now you might have learned. |
| [06:35.00] |
I think that rotten smells returned. |
| [06:36.60] |
Because as far as I'm concerned, |
| [06:38.79] |
I've had as much as I can take! |
