You all know the Bible
Is made of testaments old and new
You've been told it's just those two parts,
Or only one if you're a Jew.
But what if I were to tell you
There's a fresh third part out there
Which was found by a hip new prophet
Who had a little… Donny Osmond flair?
Have you heard of the All-American Prophet?
The blonde-haired blue-eyed voice of God!
He didn't come from the Middle East Like those other holy men
No, God's favorite prophet was All-American!
I'm gonna take you back to Biblical times, 1823.
An American man named Joe livin' on a farm in the Holy Land of Rochester, New York!
You mean the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith?
That’s right! That young man spoke to God!
He spoke to God?
And God said, Joe, People really need to know
That the Bible isn't TWO parts
There's a part three to The Bible, Joe!
And I, God, have anointed you
To dig up this part three
Which is buried by a tree
On a hill in your backyard!
Wow! God says go to your backyard and start digging,
that makes perfect sense!
Joseph Smith went up on that hill
And he dug where he was told!
Deep in the ground, Joseph found
Shining plates of gold!
What are these golden plates?
Who buried them here and why?
Then appeared an angel
His name was Moro-ni!
Ahhhhh
I am Moroni…
The All-American angel!
My people lived here long, Long ago!
This is a history of my race
Please read the words within
We were Jews who met with Christ.
But we were All-American
But don’t let anybody see
These plates except for you…
They are only for you to see…
Even if people ask you to show the plates to them.
Don't.
Just copy them on to normal paper.
Even though this might make them question
If the plates are real or not…
This is sort of what God is going for…
Joseph took the plates home
And wrote down what he found inside.
He turned those plates into a book,
Then rushed into town and cried:
Hey! God spoke to me and gave me this blessed ancient tome
He hath commanded me to publish it
And stick it in every home.
Wow! So the Bible is actually a trilogy,
and Book of Mormon is Return Of The Jedi?
I'M interested.
Now, many people didn't BELIEVE the prophet Joseph Smith.
They thought he'd made up this part three
That was buried by a tree On a hill in his backyard.
Liar!
But Joe said
This is no lie,
I speak to God all the time
And he's told me to head west!
So I'll take my part three From the hill with the tree,
Feel free if you'd like to come along with me
To the promised land!
The PROMISED LAND?!
Paradise!
On the west coast!
Nothing but fruit and fields As far as the eye can see!
Have you heard of The All-American prophet?
He found a brand-new book about Jesus Christ!
We’re following him to paradise,
We call ourselves Mormon,
And our new religion is
All-American.
How much does it all cost?
The Mormons kept on searching for that place to settle down
But every time they thought they found it
They got kicked out of town
And even though people wanted to see the golden plates
Joseph never showed 'em!
I have maggots in my scrotum.
Um, okay… Well anyway
Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad.
On the way to the promised land. Mormons made people mad.
Joseph was shot by an angry mob and knew he'd soon be done
You must lead the people now,
My good friend Brigham Young.
Oh God why are you letting me die
Without having me show people the plates?
They’ll have no proof I was telling the truth or not
They’ll have to believe it just cuz.
Oh.
I guess that’s kind of what you were going for.
Blargggh…
The prophet Joseph Smith died for what he believed in.
But his followers, they kept heading west.
And Brigham Young led them to paradise.
A sparkling land in Utah they named Salt Lake City.
And there the Mormons multiplied!
And made big Mormon families!!
Generation to generation until finally…
they made me!
And now it’s my job
to lead you where those early settlers
were led so long ago
Have you heard of the
All-American prophet?
Kevin Price!
The next in line to be the voice of God?
My best friend!
He’s gonna do something incredible!
And be Joseph Smith again!
Cuz' Kevin Price the prophet is all, all, all,
All-American!
And if you order now we'll also throw in a set of steak knives!
All-American!