A man walks down the street
 He says why am I soft in the middle now
 Why am I soft in the middle now
 All my life is so long
 I need a photo-opportunity
 I want a shot at redemption
 Don't want to end up a cartoon
 In a cartoon graveyard
 Bonedigger bonedigger
 Dogs in the moonlight
 Far away my well-lit door
 Mr. beerbelly beerbelly
 Get these mutts away from me
 You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore
 
 If you'll be my bodyguard
 I can be your long lost pal
 I can call you betty
 And betty when you call me
 You can call me al
 
 A man walks down the street
 He says why am I short of attention
 Got a short little span of attention
 And all my nights are so long
 Wheres my wife and family
 What if I die here
 Wholl be my role-model
 Now that my role-model is
 Gone gone
 He jumped back down the alley
 With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
 All along all along
 There were incidents and accidents
 There were thoughts and allegations
 
 If you'll be my bodyguard
 I can be your long lost pal
 I can call you betty
 And betty when you call me
 You can call me al
 Call me al