| Song | Adam Green |
| Artist | Momus |
| Album | Stars Forever |
| 作词 : Momus | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| I'd dress up in a cummerbund and fez | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| I'd puff all night on funny cigarettes | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| I'd be terrified of getting sucked buck naked down the drain | |
| Into a damp, dark world of flesh-eating spiders | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| I'd have thought of South Park and be rich as Midas | |
| But my name is Adam Green | |
| I was born on Halloween | |
| One more event I could not control or plan | |
| What else can I do | |
| But make my funny cartoons for you? | |
| If my name were Adam | |
| If you hit me with a hammer | |
| I would try to practise passive resistance | |
| But it's a tricky business | |
| If my name were Adam | |
| Terrible phone fact # 3 | |
| You'd spend seven years of your life waiting for a call from me | |
| If my name were Dorothy | |
| I'd be a Baskerville or Parker | |
| Surrounded by the barking of chihuahuas | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| My tattoo would be a working bar code on the palm of my left hand | |
| That I would slide across any and all automated price checkers | |
| But my name is Adam Green | |
| I was born into a scene | |
| Of dullish alpha males with willing consorts | |
| What else can I do | |
| But make my funny cartoons for you? | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| Puppy brains and jism | |
| Two good reasons why you should never let aliens | |
| Prepare your thanksgiving dinner | |
| Puppy brains and jism | |
| Please take a message Miss Brown | |
| I've stapled my tie to my tongue | |
| If my name were Ren Hoek | |
| I would dress in bespoke for chihuahuas | |
| But my name is Adam Green | |
| I was born into a scene | |
| Of gibbering roughneck apes and liquorice allsorts | |
| What else can I do | |
| But vent my spleen on wretches like you? | |
| If my name were Franz I would giggle myself stupid | |
| Enjoying my insomnia through the endless Prague nights | |
| If my name were Franz I would wear such tight pants | |
| That people would laugh when I spoke in a funny high voice | |
| I'd dress up in a cummerbund and fez | |
| And my wellington boot would be on the other foot | |
| And my favourite cigarette would be a bergamot cheroot | |
| My cut glass wit, refreshing and elegant, would enliven | |
| Every slightly jaded party | |
| My remarks would be recorded in order by Miss Dorothy Parker |
| zuò cí : Momus | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| I' d dress up in a cummerbund and fez | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| I' d puff all night on funny cigarettes | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| I' d be terrified of getting sucked buck naked down the drain | |
| Into a damp, dark world of flesheating spiders | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| I' d have thought of South Park and be rich as Midas | |
| But my name is Adam Green | |
| I was born on Halloween | |
| One more event I could not control or plan | |
| What else can I do | |
| But make my funny cartoons for you? | |
| If my name were Adam | |
| If you hit me with a hammer | |
| I would try to practise passive resistance | |
| But it' s a tricky business | |
| If my name were Adam | |
| Terrible phone fact 3 | |
| You' d spend seven years of your life waiting for a call from me | |
| If my name were Dorothy | |
| I' d be a Baskerville or Parker | |
| Surrounded by the barking of chihuahuas | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| My tattoo would be a working bar code on the palm of my left hand | |
| That I would slide across any and all automated price checkers | |
| But my name is Adam Green | |
| I was born into a scene | |
| Of dullish alpha males with willing consorts | |
| What else can I do | |
| But make my funny cartoons for you? | |
| If my name were Howard | |
| Puppy brains and jism | |
| Two good reasons why you should never let aliens | |
| Prepare your thanksgiving dinner | |
| Puppy brains and jism | |
| Please take a message Miss Brown | |
| I' ve stapled my tie to my tongue | |
| If my name were Ren Hoek | |
| I would dress in bespoke for chihuahuas | |
| But my name is Adam Green | |
| I was born into a scene | |
| Of gibbering roughneck apes and liquorice allsorts | |
| What else can I do | |
| But vent my spleen on wretches like you? | |
| If my name were Franz I would giggle myself stupid | |
| Enjoying my insomnia through the endless Prague nights | |
| If my name were Franz I would wear such tight pants | |
| That people would laugh when I spoke in a funny high voice | |
| I' d dress up in a cummerbund and fez | |
| And my wellington boot would be on the other foot | |
| And my favourite cigarette would be a bergamot cheroot | |
| My cut glass wit, refreshing and elegant, would enliven | |
| Every slightly jaded party | |
| My remarks would be recorded in order by Miss Dorothy Parker |