Brew the coffee in a bucket
Double straight man and banjo
If you don't got the snake oil
Buster, you don't got a show
Who puts the do re me in our pockets
Keeps the party goin' on?
It's the man who sells the potions
I'm just the one who plays the songs
Now they generally buys
The bigger size
They usually rub it in
I drank it once, it tasted
Like grease and paraffin
It's mostly alcohol, okay
You can't deny it's strong
We was goin' through the motions
'Til the doctor came along
There stands the bottle
Ladies and gentlemen
All these bottles
Don't have to tell you, friends
These days miracles
Don't come fallin' from the sky
Raise your glasses to the doctor
To a stand up guy
When the monkey shine is flyin'
And he's promisin' the cure
He says the French for your lovesick blues
La maladie d'amour
He gets the chumps all laughin'
But he gets a few to buy
Here's a beefsteak when you're hungry
And whiskey when you're dry
Now the band'll blow their moolah
Like sailors gone ashore
Now we're goin' to West Helena
To gamble, drink and whore
Let's you and me all make whoopee
Here's mud in your eye
Here's to all the gals he ever want
And Heaven when you die
And there stands the bottle
Ladies and gentlemen
All these bottles
Don't have to tell you, friends
These days miracles
Don't come fallin' from the sky
Raise your glasses to the doctor
To a stand up guy
There's a big cheese with a cigar
Been sizin' up the show
He wants to get the doctor
Pitchin' on the radio
I will make a switch to guitar
But the rules all still apply
They want to trust somebody
Yeah, they want a stand up guy
There stands the bottle
Here's to absent friends
All these bottles
Dead soldiers in the end
These days miracles
Don't come fallin' on from the sky
Raise your glasses to the doctor
To a stand up guy
To the doctor
A stand up guy