suan gua

Song 算卦
Artist 马三立
Album 马三立相声精品集

Lyrics

[00:54.74] 这个,有这么一个...相面的
[00:55.92] 这相面的,这玩意根本就不灵
[00:16.97] 你们都知道,相面、算卦、批八字儿
[00:20.77] 这都是冤人哪,骗人,是吧
[00:24.93] 根本你什么事,你找他算,绝对是算不灵
[00:28.83] 这过去呢,在那个...旧社会呀
[00:32.57] 就有这个,相面、算卦的,很赚钱
[00:36.71] 给批个八字啊,奉承奉承啊,有点什么事啊,是吧
[00:40.40] 找他,求他啊,给指条明路
[00:42.81] 最可气的呢,这有一种啊
[00:45.71] 失目的,失目的先生
[00:48.42] 俩眼珠子看不见,瞎子
[00:50.94] 他要算卦,有什么事找他
[00:54.72] 这种人简直都糊涂了简直
[00:58.03] 什么事都问他
[01:00.09] 先生,您受累,您给我看看
[01:02.50] 您给我算一卦,我丢点东西,您看能找着找不着
[01:06.94] 你瞪眼睛你都找不着
[01:09.41] 他瞎眼睛,你,让他给你找
[01:13.80] 你看得见你都找不着么
[01:15.76] 他看不见你问他干什么啊,多余么这不是
[01:19.22] 根本就不灵
[01:22.02] 有这么一个相面的
[01:23.16] 一点能耐没有
[01:24.65] 什么也不会
[01:26.61] 尽仗着生意门儿蒙市骗人,摆个摊儿
[01:30.77] 我认得这么一人
[01:32.20] 这小子,尽坑蒙拐骗,冤人骗人
[01:38.55] 外号叫“龚大个儿”,他姓龚,龚大个
[01:42.68] 个儿比我还高,也不认得字,没学问
[01:49.30] 尽仗着蒙市,那算卦相面的能不认字吗
[01:55.50] 他认得眼巴前的字,他没有多大的学问
[01:58.30] 说你让他来个奇门遁甲呀、什么八宫八卦呀
[02:02.21] 全说不上来,不会
[02:04.18] 他相面怎么相呢
[02:06.32] 八面封、八头堵,你怎么说啊他怎么有理
[02:11.41] 摆个摊儿
[02:12.59] 他哪儿人呢,天津人
[02:13.97] 就是这天津此地人
[02:16.16] 仨木板,摆一摊儿
[02:18.20] 有时候在河..河东那个那个地道外
[02:21.29] 地道外我常看见他
[02:23.42] 地道外那个小市场那
[02:25.49] 挺高的个子,个儿比谁都高半头
[02:28.15] 他摆这个摊呢,相面呢
[02:31.15] 他也没有那个那个相面算卦那些个道具
[02:35.81] 没那东西,没那些东西
[02:39.46] 应当相面算卦他得有那么一套家伙什啊
[02:42.65] 有个卦盒呢,有个大桶子呢,里头搁好几个签子
[02:47.12] 得有这个,他全没有
[02:49.25] 拿个石板,这石板呢,就是小孩写字那个石板
[02:53.59] 带木头边,这手拿着个石笔
[02:56.79] 就那个石笔,他有一个,哎
[02:59.35] 比滑石猴细,比滑石猴啊长点
[03:01.96] 拿一石板,站这,哎,东瞧西望
[03:07.33] 小市场啊,过来过去逛市场人多了,站那
[03:10.87] “哎——众位,我是奉送几下,我不要钱,”
[03:14.69] “众位,哎闲着也是闲着、呆着也是呆着,我这儿啊不要钱。”
[03:21.16] “我是奉送,奉送属相,相面算卦,我不要钱,”
[03:26.33] “我这玩意儿,就是灵,就是灵!”
[03:30.90] 他告人就是灵
[03:32.48] 他一说不要钱哪,有好几个人就围上来了
[03:36.06] 围一圈这桌子,大伙都看着
[03:37.83] 他呢,瞅瞅这个瞅瞅那个
[03:39.90] 拿手一指当间站这个
[03:42.04] “哎——就这位吧!”
[03:45.05] 拿着石板,拿石板这时候拿石笔啊
[03:48.76] 拿石笔写字,往石板上写字
[03:51.44] 可不让人看见
[03:52.73] 围一大堆人谁也不知道他写的什么
[03:54.80] 看不见,他这,他这样写
[03:56.68] 光他自己看,写上俩字
[03:58.82] 写什么呢,“没有”
[04:01.16] 就是,“没有”,写这么俩字,“没“、”有”
[04:05.69] 他写完了,可谁也不知道啊
[04:07.88] 不知道是什么呀,他不让人看啊
[04:09.57] 写完了就把这石板扣在这桌子上了
[04:12.16] 就扣在桌上了,问这位:
[04:15.84] “哎——你,现在你做事没做事?”
[04:22.89] “做事没做事?说!”
[04:26.32] 这位说,我,现在我是试运,没事
[04:33.11] “哦!”啪——一翻这石板,“看见没有?‘没有’! ”
[04:42.65] “我这个玩意儿,众位,看见没有,就是灵!”
[04:46.65] “哦,就是他没事,没有事由可做——没有!”寸劲儿么
[04:53.38] 比如说这位做着事呢,他怎么办呢?
[04:56.23] 他不翻开,这石板他还扣着
[04:58.33] 他不抻你这茬儿,他往下问别的
[05:00.80] “你做事没做事?”
[05:02.84] “哦,我做事了。”
[05:05.26] “你是给别人做事啊,是自己的买卖?”
[05:10.26] “哦——我给别人做事。”
[05:12.94] “自己有买卖吗?”
[05:14.28] “没有买卖。”
[05:15.89] “哦“,一翻这石板,“看见没有,‘没有’ !”
[05:23.21] “我这相面,这相面就是灵!”
[05:29.62] 那比如说这位啊他他做着事呢,他也有买卖
[05:34.37] 他自己也有买卖了,这有了,这怎么办呢
[05:38.58] 他不抻你这茬儿,石板呢不翻开,还扣着,
[05:41.72] 他问你别的,问你别的了,问你有手艺吗
[05:45.63] 合着干脆你说我没有手艺,啪,一翻石板“没有”
[05:50.01] 有,手艺也有,我自己也有手艺,这怎么办呢,
[05:53.57] 他就不提这个了,就问你家里人了,问家庭了
[05:57.14] 看岁数,这个要是那个..四十来岁啊
[06:01.65] 五十来岁呢就问父母了
[06:04.20] “父母,在不在?”
[06:06.45] 可大多数这个四五十岁的人呢
[06:08.78] 老人就都没有了,你一说“没有”
[06:11.71] 啪——一翻,“没有”
[06:14.57] 那要二十来岁的呢
[06:16.18] 二十来岁呢就不问你父母了
[06:18.15] 二十来岁他有父母了,就问什么呢
[06:20.27] 问有这个,有小孩没有
[06:23.52] 要二十来岁呢,那大部分还没结婚呢
[06:25.57] 哪有小孩啊,准得说“没有小孩”,“没有”
[06:28.56] 反正他只得逮不着,他老逮,早晚得逮着
[06:31.98] 他这石板,俩字,“没有”,他不翻开
[06:34.27] 也不知道怎么那么寸
[06:35.89] 那回我瞧见呢,遇见一位
[06:40.37] 大全乎人
[06:45.06] 问什么都有
[06:47.19] 问嘛有嘛
[06:49.12] 我一瞧心说这回可坏了,碰到钉子上了
[06:52.50] 他写好了,俩字——没有
[06:54.63] 啪,扣在那了
[06:56.95] “你,老弟,众位,看见没有,我这相面就是灵!”
[07:02.35] “哎——我这相面就是灵!”
[07:04.15] “你做事没做事?”
[07:06.21] “哦,我做事了。”
[07:08.07] “给别人做事,还是自个儿买卖?”
[07:11.43] “哦,我自己买卖。”
[07:14.53] “…你有手艺吗?”
[07:16.68] “哦,我有”
[07:19.54] “哦...你父母怎么样?老爷老太太硬朗?有吗?”
[07:29.02] “哦,有!”
[07:32.67] “你…你有小孩吗?有几...几个小孩”
[07:37.53] “哦,小孩我也有”
[07:40.48] “有…有男孩儿哈…女孩儿也有吗”
[07:42.64] “哦,一样一个”
[07:45.64] “哦,一样一个……岳父岳母…有吗??”
[07:53.30] “哦,有!”
[07:57.74] “…大舅子呢?”
[08:01.83] “哦,有!”
[08:05.85] “哦,……大舅子也有!……这个…天…天凉啦,你有…皮猴吗?”
[08:17.30] 这时候那位:“我...我没有皮猴。”
[08:20.47] “哦!——没有!!”
[08:24.49] 相面愣相出皮猴来了!

Pinyin

[00:54.74] zhè gè, yǒu zhè me yí gè... xiàng miàn de
[00:55.92] zhè xiàng miàn de, zhè wán yì gēn běn jiù bù líng
[00:16.97] nǐ men dōu zhī dào, xiàng miàn suàn guà pī bā zì ér
[00:20.77] zhè dōu shì yuān rén nǎ, piàn rén, shì ba
[00:24.93] gēn běn nǐ shén me shì, nǐ zhǎo tā suàn, jué duì shì suàn bù líng
[00:28.83] zhè guò qù ne, zài nà gè... jiù shè huì ya
[00:32.57] jiù yǒu zhè gè, xiàng miàn suàn guà de, hěn zhuàn qián
[00:36.71] gěi pī gè bā zì a, fèng chéng fèng chéng a, yǒu diǎn shén me shì a, shì ba
[00:40.40] zhǎo tā, qiú tā a, gěi zhǐ tiáo míng lù
[00:42.81] zuì kě qì de ne, zhè yǒu yī zhǒng a
[00:45.71] shī mù dì, shī mù dì xiān shēng
[00:48.42] liǎ yǎn zhū zi kàn bú jiàn, xiā zi
[00:50.94] tā yào suàn guà, yǒu shén me shì zhǎo tā
[00:54.72] zhè zhǒng rén jiǎn zhí dōu hú tú le jiǎn zhí
[00:58.03] shén me shì dōu wèn tā
[01:00.09] xiān shēng, nín shòu lěi, nín gěi wǒ kàn kàn
[01:02.50] nín gěi wǒ suàn yī guà, wǒ diū diǎn dōng xī, nín kàn néng zhǎo zháo zhǎo bu zháo
[01:06.94] nǐ dèng yǎn jīng nǐ dōu zhǎo bu zháo
[01:09.41] tā xiā yǎn jīng, nǐ, ràng tā gěi nǐ zhǎo
[01:13.80] nǐ kàn de jiàn nǐ dōu zhǎo bu zháo me
[01:15.76] tā kàn bú jiàn nǐ wèn tā gàn shén me a, duō yú me zhè bú shì
[01:19.22] gēn běn jiù bù líng
[01:22.02] yǒu zhè me yí gè xiàng miàn de
[01:23.16] yì diǎn néng nài méi yǒu
[01:24.65] shén me yě bú huì
[01:26.61] jǐn zhàng zhe shēng yì mén ér méng shì piàn rén, bǎi gè tān r
[01:30.77] wǒ rèn de zhè me yī rén
[01:32.20] zhè xiǎo zi, jǐn kēng méng guǎi piàn, yuān rén piàn rén
[01:38.55] wài háo jiào" gōng dà gè ér", tā xìng gōng, gōng dà gè
[01:42.68] gè ér bǐ wǒ hái gāo, yě bù rèn de zì, méi xué wèn
[01:49.30] jǐn zhàng zhe méng shì, nà suàn guà xiàng miàn de néng bù rèn zì ma
[01:55.50] tā rèn de yǎn bā qián de zì, tā méi yǒu duō dà de xué wèn
[01:58.30] shuō nǐ ràng tā lái gè qí mén dùn jiǎ ya shén me bā gōng bā guà ya
[02:02.21] quán shuō bù shàng lái, bú huì
[02:04.18] tā xiàng miàn zěn me xiāng ne
[02:06.32] bā miàn fēng bā tóu dǔ, nǐ zěn me shuō a tā zěn me yǒu lǐ
[02:11.41] bǎi gè tān r
[02:12.59] tā nǎ ér rén ne, tiān jīn rén
[02:13.97] jiù shì zhè tiān jīn cǐ dì rén
[02:16.16] sā mù bǎn, bǎi yī tān r
[02:18.20] yǒu shí hou zài hé.. hé dōng nà gè nà gè dì dào wài
[02:21.29] dì dào wài wǒ cháng kàn jiàn tā
[02:23.42] dì dào wài nà gè xiǎo shì chǎng nà
[02:25.49] tǐng gāo de gè zi, gè ér bǐ shuí dōu gāo bàn tóu
[02:28.15] tā bǎi zhè gè tān ne, xiàng miàn ne
[02:31.15] tā yě méi yǒu nà gè nà gè xiàng miàn suàn guà nèi xiē gè dào jù
[02:35.81] méi nà dōng xī, méi nèi xiē dōng xī
[02:39.46] yīng dāng xiàng miàn suàn guà tā dé yǒu nà me yī tào jiā huo shén a
[02:42.65] yǒu gè guà hé ne, yǒu gè dà tǒng zǐ ne, lǐ tou gē hǎo jǐ gè qiān zǐ
[02:47.12] dé yǒu zhè gè, tā quán méi yǒu
[02:49.25] ná gè shí bǎn, zhè shí bǎn ne, jiù shì xiǎo hái xiě zì nà gè shí bǎn
[02:53.59] dài mù tou biān, zhè shǒu ná zhe gè shí bǐ
[02:56.79] jiù nà gè shí bǐ, tā yǒu yí gè, āi
[02:59.35] bǐ huá shí hóu xì, bǐ huá shí hóu a zhǎng diǎn
[03:01.96] ná yī shí bǎn, zhàn zhè, āi, dōng qiáo xī wàng
[03:07.33] xiǎo shì chǎng a, guò lái guò qù guàng shì chǎng rén duō le, zhàn nà
[03:10.87] " āi zhòng wèi, wǒ shì fèng sòng jǐ xià, wǒ bú yào qián,"
[03:14.69] " zhòng wèi, āi xián zhe yě shì xián zhe dāi zhe yě shì dāi zhe, wǒ zhè ér a bú yào qián."
[03:21.16] " wǒ shì fèng sòng, fèng sòng shǔ xiàng, xiàng miàn suàn guà, wǒ bú yào qián,"
[03:26.33] " wǒ zhè wán yì ér, jiù shì líng, jiù shì líng!"
[03:30.90] tā gào rén jiù shì líng
[03:32.48] tā yī shuō bú yào qián nǎ, yǒu hǎo jǐ gè rén jiù wéi shàng lái le
[03:36.06] wéi yī quān zhè zhuō zi, dà huǒ dōu kàn zhe
[03:37.83] tā ne, chǒu chǒu zhè gè chǒu chǒu nà gè
[03:39.90] ná shǒu yī zhǐ dāng jiān zhàn zhè gè
[03:42.04] " āi jiù zhè wèi ba!"
[03:45.05] ná zhe shí bǎn, ná shí bǎn zhè shí hòu ná shí bǐ a
[03:48.76] ná shí bǐ xiě zì, wǎng shí bǎn shàng xiě zì
[03:51.44] kě bù ràng rén kàn jiàn
[03:52.73] wéi yī dà duī rén shuí yě bù zhī dào tā xiě de shén me
[03:54.80] kàn bú jiàn, tā zhè, tā zhè yàng xiě
[03:56.68] guāng tā zì jǐ kàn, xiě shàng liǎ zì
[03:58.82] xiě shén me ne," méi yǒu"
[04:01.16] jiù shì," méi yǒu", xiě zhè me liǎ zì," méi"" yǒu"
[04:05.69] tā xiě wán le, kě shuí yě bù zhī dào a
[04:07.88] bù zhī dào shì shén me ya, tā bù ràng rén kàn a
[04:09.57] xiě wán le jiù bǎ zhè shí bǎn kòu zài zhè zhuō zi shàng le
[04:12.16] jiù kòu zài zhuō shàng le, wèn zhè wèi:
[04:15.84] " āi nǐ, xiàn zài nǐ zuò shì méi zuò shì?"
[04:22.89] " zuò shì méi zuò shì? shuō!"
[04:26.32] zhè wèi shuō, wǒ, xiàn zài wǒ shì shì yùn, méi shì
[04:33.11] " ó!" pā yī fān zhè shí bǎn," kàn jiàn méi yǒu?' méi yǒu'! "
[04:42.65] " wǒ zhè gè wán yì ér, zhòng wèi, kàn jiàn méi yǒu, jiù shì líng!"
[04:46.65] " ó, jiù shì tā méi shì, méi yǒu shì yóu kě zuò méi yǒu!" cùn jìn r me
[04:53.38] bǐ rú shuō zhè wèi zuò zhe shì ne, tā zěn me bàn ne?
[04:56.23] tā bù fān kāi, zhè shí bǎn tā hái kòu zhe
[04:58.33] tā bù chēn nǐ zhè chá ér, tā wǎng xià wèn bié de
[05:00.80] " nǐ zuò shì méi zuò shì?"
[05:02.84] " ó, wǒ zuò shì le."
[05:05.26] " nǐ shì gěi bié rén zuò shì a, shì zì jǐ de mǎi mài?"
[05:10.26] " ó wǒ gěi bié rén zuò shì."
[05:12.94] " zì jǐ yǒu mǎi mài ma?"
[05:14.28] " méi yǒu mǎi mài."
[05:15.89] " ó", yī fān zhè shí bǎn," kàn jiàn méi yǒu,' méi yǒu' !"
[05:23.21] " wǒ zhè xiàng miàn, zhè xiàng miàn jiù shì líng!"
[05:29.62] nà bǐ rú shuō zhè wèi a tā tā zuò zhe shì ne, tā yě yǒu mǎi mài
[05:34.37] tā zì jǐ yě yǒu mǎi mài le, zhè yǒu le, zhè zěn me bàn ne
[05:38.58] tā bù chēn nǐ zhè chá ér, shí bǎn ne bù fān kāi, hái kòu zhe,
[05:41.72] tā wèn nǐ bié de, wèn nǐ bié de le, wèn nǐ yǒu shǒu yì ma
[05:45.63] hé zhe gān cuì nǐ shuō wǒ méi yǒu shǒu yì, pā, yī fān shí bǎn" méi yǒu"
[05:50.01] yǒu, shǒu yì yě yǒu, wǒ zì jǐ yě yǒu shǒu yì, zhè zěn me bàn ne,
[05:53.57] tā jiù bù tí zhè gè le, jiù wèn nǐ jiā lǐ rén le, wèn jiā tíng le
[05:57.14] kàn suì shù, zhè gè yào shì nà gè.. sì shí lái suì a
[06:01.65] wǔ shí lái suì ne jiù wèn fù mǔ le
[06:04.20] " fù mǔ, zài bù zài?"
[06:06.45] kě dà duō shù zhè gè sì wǔ shí suì de rén ne
[06:08.78] lǎo rén jiù dōu méi yǒu le, nǐ yī shuō" méi yǒu"
[06:11.71] pā yī fān," méi yǒu"
[06:14.57] nà yào èr shí lái suì de ne
[06:16.18] èr shí lái suì ne jiù bù wèn nǐ fù mǔ le
[06:18.15] èr shí lái suì tā yǒu fù mǔ le, jiù wèn shén me ne
[06:20.27] wèn yǒu zhè gè, yǒu xiǎo hái méi yǒu
[06:23.52] yào èr shí lái suì ne, nà dà bù fèn hái méi jié hūn ne
[06:25.57] nǎ yǒu xiǎo hái a, zhǔn dé shuō" méi yǒu xiǎo hái"," méi yǒu"
[06:28.56] fǎn zhèng tā zhǐ de dǎi bù zháo, tā lǎo dǎi, zǎo wǎn dé dǎi zhe
[06:31.98] tā zhè shí bǎn, liǎ zì," méi yǒu", tā bù fān kāi
[06:34.27] yě bù zhī dào zěn me nà me cùn
[06:35.89] nà huí wǒ qiáo jiàn ne, yù jiàn yī wèi
[06:40.37] dà quán hū rén
[06:45.06] wèn shén me dōu yǒu
[06:47.19] wèn ma yǒu ma
[06:49.12] wǒ yī qiáo xīn shuō zhè huí kě huài le, pèng dào dīng zi shàng le
[06:52.50] tā xiě hǎo le, liǎ zì méi yǒu
[06:54.63] pā, kòu zài nà le
[06:56.95] " nǐ, lǎo dì, zhòng wèi, kàn jiàn méi yǒu, wǒ zhè xiàng miàn jiù shì líng!"
[07:02.35] " āi wǒ zhè xiàng miàn jiù shì líng!"
[07:04.15] " nǐ zuò shì méi zuò shì?"
[07:06.21] " ó, wǒ zuò shì le."
[07:08.07] " gěi bié rén zuò shì, hái shì zì gě ér mǎi mài?"
[07:11.43] " ó, wǒ zì jǐ mǎi mài."
[07:14.53] " nǐ yǒu shǒu yì ma?"
[07:16.68] " ó, wǒ yǒu"
[07:19.54] " ó... nǐ fù mǔ zěn me yàng? lǎo yé lǎo tài tài yìng lǎng? yǒu ma?"
[07:29.02] " ó, yǒu!"
[07:32.67] " nǐ nǐ yǒu xiǎo hái ma? yǒu jǐ... jǐ gè xiǎo hái"
[07:37.53] " ó, xiǎo hái wǒ yě yǒu"
[07:40.48] " yǒu yǒu nán hái r hā nǚ hái ér yě yǒu ma"
[07:42.64] " ó, yí yàng yí gè"
[07:45.64] " ó, yí yàng yí gè yuè fù yuè mǔ yǒu ma??"
[07:53.30] " ó, yǒu!"
[07:57.74] " dà jiù zǐ ne?"
[08:01.83] " ó, yǒu!"
[08:05.85] " ó, dà jiù zǐ yě yǒu! zhè gè tiān tiān liáng la, nǐ yǒu pí hóu ma?"
[08:17.30] zhè shí hòu nà wèi:" wǒ... wǒ méi yǒu pí hóu."
[08:20.47] " ó! méi yǒu!!"
[08:24.49] xiàng miàn lèng xiāng chū pí hóu lái le!