I could have a mansion on the hill
I could lease a villa in Seville
But it wouldn´t be as nice as a summer in Ohio
With a gay midget named Karl playing Tevye and Porgy
I could wander Paris after dark
Take a carriage ride through Central Park
But it wouldn´t be as nice as a summer in Ohio
Where I´m sharing a room with a former stripper and her snake Wayne
I could have a satchel full of dollar bills
Cures for all the nations ills
Pills to make a lion purr
I could be in line to be the British queen
Look like I was seventeen
Still I´m certain I´d prefer to be going slowly batty
Forty miles east of Cincinnati
I could shove an ice pick in my eye
I could eat some fish from last July
But it wouldn´t be as awful as a summer in Ohio
Without cable hot water Vietnamese food or you
I saw your book at a Border´s in Kentucky
Under a sign that said New and Recommended
I stole a look at your picture on the inside sleeve
And then I couldn´t leave
Richard who was with me got uncharacteristically quiet
And he said All things considered
I guess you don´t have to buy it
So I smile like Mona Lisa and I lay my Visa down
He wants me he wants me but he ain´t gonna get me
I´ve found my guiding light I tell the stars each night
Look at me look at him
Son of a bitch I guess I´m doing something right
I finally got something right
No it´s not Nirvana but it´s on the way
I play Anita at the matinee
Then I´ll get on my knees and pray I can state in my next bio
I´m never gonna go back to Ohio
I could chew on tin foil for a spell
I could get a root canal in hell
But it wouldn´t be as swell as this summer is gonna be
´Cause the torture is just exquisite
While I´m waiting for you to visit
So hurry up schmuck get unstuck and get on the scene
Love
The midget the stripper Wayne the snake and Mrs. Jamie Wellerstein
That´s me