A Cold Cold Christmas -Stephen Colbert I want a cold cold Christmas I hope it's 20below Let a winter's storm bury all that's warm In a bone chilling blanket of snow Thought you would love me forever Turns out you wanted to part Now I want a cold cold Christmas To go with your cold cold heart Oh I want a cold cold Christmas One that's bitter and barren and bleak Where the weather's fowl And the West wind's howl And the sun doesn't shine for a week You hung up my heart like a stocking Then went and stuffed it with coal Now I want a cold cold Christmas To gnaw at the depths of your soul I'll be alone this Christmas You'd think it would cut like a knife But I'm numb inside Cause a part of me's died From the frostbite you've spread on my life Darling Christmas with you I used to love it so We trade presents And kiss beneath the mistletoe I said I loved you and You said you loved me too Remember I said I loved you And you said you loved me too Those days are over now but I still want you to know Even though I'm not the one You'll be kissing beneath that mistletoe I'll be thinking of you every minute On this day of love and cheer And every minute Of every other day of the year I'm serious So cold that it pierces your body So cold that it hurts every breath In fact I wouldn't mind If you woke up to find Your new man had frozen to death So go have a cold cold Christmas A blustery landscape of pain Though I'm warm in my skin I'm still snowed in By the blizzard that fell in my brain Only a week until New Year That's when I'll make a new start But first comes a cold cold Christmas To go with your cold cold heart Your frozen Nasty Heart