JOE:
 Hi there, Myron
 MYRON:
 How's it hanging?
 JOE:
 I've got a date with Sheldrake
 MYRON:
 I'm shooting a Western down at Fox
 JOE:
 How can you work with Darryl?
 MYRON:
 We should talk
 JOE:
 Gotta run
 BOTH:
 Let's have lunch
 MARY:
 Hi, Mr. Gillis
 JOE:
 You look great!
 MARY:
 I'm up for an audition
 JOE:
 Sheldrake is driving me insane
 MARY:
 Don't forget me when you're casting
 JOE:
 We should talk
 MARY:
 Gotta run
 BOTH:
 Let's have lunch
 JOE:
 Morning, Joanna
 MARY:
 Hi, there Myron
 JOANNA:
 Who are you meeting?
 MYRON:
 You look great
 JOE:
 Sheldrake, but do I need it
 MARY:
 I've spent the last month fasting
 JOANNA:
 I'm handing in my second draft
 MYRON:
 I'm shooting a Western down at Fox
 JOE:
 I'd really love to read it
 MARY:
 Don't forget me when you're casting
 JOANNA:
 We should talk
 MYRON:
 We should talk
 JOE:
 Gotta run
 MARY:
 Gotta run
 ALL FOUR:
 Let's have lunch
 JOE (spoken):
 Yeah, I had an appointment with Mr. Sheldrake
 JONES (spoken):
 Name?
 JOE (spoken):
 Gillis. Joseph Gillis
 JONES (spoken):
 All right, sir, you know your way?
 JOE (spoken):
 Yeah
 FIRST FINANCEMAN:
 We want the keys to your car
 SECOND FINANCEMAN:
 You're way behind with the payments
 FIRST FINANCEMAN:
 Don't give us any fancy footwork
 SECOND FINANCEMAN:
 Give us the keys
 JOE:
 I only wish I could help
 I loaned it to my accountant
 He has an important client down in Palm Springs
 Felt like shooting the breeze
 FIRST FINANCEMAN:
 Are you telling us you walked here?
 JOE:
 I believe in self-denial
 I'm in training for the priesthood
 SECOND FINANCEMAN:
 OK, wise guy, three hundred bucks
 FIRST FINANCEMAN:
 Or we're taking the car
 SECOND FINANCEMAN:
 We have a court order
 JOE (spoken):
 I love it when you talk dirty
 SAMMY:
 Bless you, Joseph
 JOE:
 That you, Sammy?
 SAMMY:
 How do you like my harem?
 JOE:
 How come you get such lousy breaks?
 SAMMY:
 One learns to grin and bear 'em
 GIRLS:
 This is the biggest film ever made
 JOE:
 What're you playing?
 ANITA:
 Temple virgin
 DAWN:
 Handmaiden to Delilah
 JOE:
 Let's have lunch
 Gotta run
 You've got to find me a job
 I'm way behind with my payments
 I thought you were meant to be my agent
 I need some work
 MORINO:
 I only wish I could help
 This town is dead at the moment
 There's been this slowdown in production
 JOE (spoken):
 Who is this jerk?
 MORINO:
 He's my wunderkind from Broadway
 Every major studio wants him
 YOUNGER MAN:
 Playing one against the other
 JOE:
 What I need is three hundred bucks
 MORINO (spoken):
 Maybe what you need is a new agent
 JOE:
 Hello, Artie
 ARTIE:
 Joe, you bastard!
 JOE:
 You never call me any more
 ARTIE:
 Found a cuter dancing partner
 How are things?
 JOE:
 Not so great
 ARTIE:
 Will this help?
 Twenty bucks?
 JOE (spoken):
 Thanks, you're a pal
 ALL (spoken):
 Good morning, Mr. DeMille
 Hi Mr. DeMille
 SHELDRAKE:
 This is Sheldrake
 Bring some water
 Get me that shithead Nolan
 Nolan, sweetheart
 Great to talk
 This draft is so much brighter
 You're the best
 Even so
 I've hired another writer
 SECRETARY (spoken):
 Mr. Gillis
 SHELDRAKE:
 Joe! What the fuck brings you here?
 JOE (spoken):
 You wanted to see me
 SHELDRAKE (spoken):
 I did? What about?
 JOE (spoken):
 "Bases Loaded." It's an outline for a baseball picture
 SHELDRAKE (spoken):
 So, pitch
 JOE (spoken):
 It's about a rookie shortstop. He's batting .347. The kid was once mixed up in a holdup. Now he's trying to go straight
 SHELDRAKE  (spoken):
 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I think I have read this. Somebody, bring in what we've got on...
 JOE (spoken):
 "Bases Loaded."
 SHELDRAKE  (spoken):
 ..."Bases Loaded."
 JOE (spoken):
 They're pretty hot for it over at Twentieth
 SHELDRAKE  (spoken):
 Good!
 JOE (spoken):
 But can you see Ty Power as a shortstop?
 ENSEMBLE:
 Let's have lunch
 BETTY (spoken)
 Here's that "Bases Loaded" material, Mr. Sheldrake
 I made a two-page synopsis for you,
 but I wouldn't bother to read it
 SHELDRAKE (spoken):
 Why not?
 BETTY (spoken):
 It's just a rehash of something
 that wasn't very good to begin with
 SHELDRAKE (spoken):
 Meet Mr. Gillis. He wrote it
 ENSEMBLE:
 We should talk
 SHELDRAKE
 (spoken)
 This is Miss Kramer
 BETTY (spoken)
 Schaefer. Betty Schaefer.
 And right now,
 I'd like to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me
 JOE (spoken)
 If I could be of any help...
 BETTY (spoken)
 I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis, I couldn't see the point of it
 JOE (spoken)
 What sort of material do you suggest?
 James Joyce? Dostoyevsky?
 BETTY (spoken)
 I think pictures should at least try to say a little something
 JOE (spoken)
 I see you're one of the message kids
 I expect you'd have turned down "Gone With the Wind"
 SHELDRAKE (spoken)
 No, that was me
 ENSEMBLE:
 Gotta run
 BETTY (spoken):
 And I guess I was disappointed
 I've read some of your other work
 and I thought you had some real talent
 JOE (spoken):
 Yeah, that was last year. This year I felt like eating
 BETTY (spoken):
 Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis
 SHELDRAKE (spoken):
 Thank you, Miss Kramer
 Well, looks like Zanuck's got himself a baseball picture
 ENSEMBLE:
 We should talk
 Gotta run
 Let's have lunch
 JOE:
 You've got to give me some work
 I'll take whatever's on offer
 There must be some shit that needs a rewrite
 Throw it my way
 SHELDRAKE:
 I only wish I could help
 There's no spare shit at the moment
 Remember the greatest writers starved in garretts
 Didn't care about pay
 JOE:
 Are you trying to be funny?
 SHELDRAKE:
 I believe in self-denial
 Gives a man some moral backbone
 JOE:
 Can you loan me three hundred bucks?
 SHELDRAKE:
 I'm sorry, Gillis. Good-bye
 JOE:
 I just love Hollywood
 CROWD (MYRON, CLIFF, SAMMY, MORINO, KATHERINE, LIZ, MARY, JOANNA, DAWN, ARTIE, JOHN, ANITA, ADAM, LISA) :
 Morning, Joanna / Where've you been hiding? / Hi there, Lisa
 I hate this weather / You look great / What're you doing?
 This is the biggest film ever made / I'm trying to make my mind up
 Guess I was born to play her/ They're talking nominations
 What is my motivation? / You should go work for Warners / Is your new script with Sheldrake?
 We shoot next month / Let's drive to Vegas this weekend
 I'm handing in my second draft / It's between me and Dietrich
 I'd really love to read it / I'd know just how to light you
 It won't work / I've landed a big Broadway show/ I'd know just how to light you
 We should talk
 Gotta run
 Let's have lunch!
 Hi, good morning
 Aren't we lucky?
 Going to work with Cukor
 Paramount is paradise
 Movies from A to Zukor
 We should talk, gotta run
 Let's have lunch
 We should talk
 Gotta run
 Let's have lunch!
 JOE(spoken, to BETTY):
 Come to get your knife back?
 It's still right there,
 Right between my shoulder blades