I have sailed the world,
beheld its wonders
from the dardinelles,
to the mountains of Peru,
But there's no place like London!

No, there's no place like London...

You are young...
Life has been kind to you...
You will learn.

There's a whole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
and its morals aren't worth what a pig can spit
and it goes by the name of London...
At the top of the hole sit the previlaged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo
turning beauty to filth and greed...
I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders,
for the cruelty of men is as wonderous as Peru
but there's no place like London!

There was a barber and his wife
and she was beautiful...
a foolish barber and his wife.
She was his reason and his life...
and she was beautiful,
and she was virtuous.
And he was naive.

There was another man who saw
that she was beautiful...
A pious vulture of the law
who, with a gesture of his claw,
removed the barber from his plate!
Then there was nothing but to wait!
And she would fall!
So soft!
So young!
So lost
and oh, so beautiful!

Ah, that was many years ago...
I doubt if anyone would know.

There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
And the vermin of the world inhabit it..