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8 Elizabeth Learns more about Darcy and Wickham8 |
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The next morning Elizabeth had still not recovered from the surprise of Darcy' s proposal to her. |
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Feeling in need of exercise and fresh air, |
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she decided to have a walk. |
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In order to avoid meeting Mr Darcy, she kept away from her favourite path, |
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but could not resist walking a little way into Lady Catherine' s park. |
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There she was astonished to see Darcy himself approaching her |
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and calling her name. |
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' I have been walking some time in the hope of meeting you,' he said. " |
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' Will you do me the honour of reading this letter?' " |
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And, handing her an envelope, |
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he bowed slightly and walked quickly away. |
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With no expectation of pleasure, |
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but with the strongest curiosity, |
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Elizabeth opened the letter, and began to read it as she continued her walk alone. |
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Do not be alarmed, madam, |
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that I shall repeat the offer which so disgusted you last night. |
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I have no intention of mentioning again wishes which, for the happiness of both of us, cannot be too soon forgotten. |
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I would not have written, |
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but justice requires my character to be defended. |
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You accused me last night of two very different offences. |
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The first was that I had separated Mr Bingley from your sister, in spite of their mutual affection, |
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and the second was that I had destroyed Mr Wickham' s chance of future wealth and happiness, in spite of my father' s honourable promises to him. |
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I hope that you will no longer blame me for either of these offences, when you have read the explanation which follows. |
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If I am forced to describe feelings which offend you, |
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I can only say I am sorry. |
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I had not been long in Hertfordshire before |
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I noticed that Bingley preferred your elder sister Jane to any other young woman. |
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But I had often seen him in love before, |
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and it wasn' t until the Netherfield ball |
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that I realized how serious his attachment was. |
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I was careful to observe your sister closely, |
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and as her manners and appearance were as pleasant and cheerful as ever, |
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I remained convinced that she did not feel strongly about him. |
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I was perhaps deceived by her calmness, |
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and in that case, your anger has not been unreasonable. |
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But I sincerely believed that her heart had not been touched. |
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I objected to Bingley' s possible marriage to her, |
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not only for those reasons of social inferiority that I mentioned to you last night, but also for reasons |
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which in my case I had tried to forget, but which I must state now. |
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The behaviour that evening of your mother, your three younger sisters, and occasionally even your father, |
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was so lacking in social correctness |
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that I made up my mind to save my friend from |
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what I considered would be a most unhappy marriage. |
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If you are upset by my description of your family' s faults, |
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it may comfort you to consider that you and your elder sister have avoided any share of blame, |
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and deserve nothing but honourable praise for your behaviour. |
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To continue when I was in London, |
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with the help of Bingley' s sisters, who shared my opinion, |
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I explained to him the disadvantages of marriage to your sister. |
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This alone would not have been enough to prevent the marriage, |
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if I had not also been able to convince him of your sister' s indifference to him. |
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Then it was easy to persuade him not to return to Hertfordshire. |
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I do regret one thing, however. |
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Miss Bingley and I both knew that your sister was in London, |
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but we hid the fact from Bingley |
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In this I consider I was less than honest, |
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but I have no other apology to offer. |
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Your other, more serious accusation refers to Mr Wickham. |
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Here again I may cause you pain |
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only you can tell how much. |
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In order to show you his real character |
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I must explain the whole of his connection with my family. |
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His late father worked for mine for many years, |
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helping to look after the Pemberley farms. |
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His son, George Wickham, received much kindness from my father, |
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who paid for him to go to school and to university. |
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My father hoped the young man would enter the Church. |
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If he became a priest, I was to give him the post of rector in a village near Pemberley, |
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when it became vacant. |
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But even before my father died, |
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I had discovered Wickham' s weakness of character and lack of morals. |
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After my father' s death, Wickham wrote to inform me that he did not intend to enter the Church, |
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and asked for an amount of money instead of the post of rector. |
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I knew that, with his character faults, he ought not to become a priest, and I therefore agreed at once. |
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The business was soon arranged. |
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He resigned all claim to the church post, |
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and accepted three thousand pounds instead. |
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I hoped that I would not see him or hear form him again. |
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But three years later he wrote again, this time to ask for the rector' s post, |
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informing me that his money had all gone and his situation was desperate. |
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You will hardly blame me for refusing. |
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Since then he has doubtless been violent in accusing me of injustice to all who will listen to him. |
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There is one more circumstance which I would like to forget myself, |
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but which I must now mention. |
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I rely on your keeping this confidential. |
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A year ago, I sent my sister, who is ten years younger than I am, |
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on holiday to Ramsgate in Kent, |
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in the care of a female companion. |
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Unfortunately, there was an understanding between this woman and Mr Wickham, |
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who also went to Ramsgate. |
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With her help and encouragement, he spent a great deal of time with Georgiana, |
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and flattered her so much that she believed she was in love, |
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and agreed to elope with him. |
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She was only fifteen at the time, |
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and I am glad to say that she confessed everything to me immediately, |
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when I arrived unexpectedly in Ramsgate just before their planned elopement . |
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Naturally, I dismissed the companion, |
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and wrote to Wickham, who left the place at once. |
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He was doubtless most interested in my sister' s fortune, which is thirty thousand pounds, |
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but I cannot help supposing that he was also eager to revenge himself on me. |
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I hope you will now clear me of all blame in this matter. |
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If, madam, you doubt the truthfulness of my description of these circumstances, |
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I suggest you speak to Colonel Fitzwilliam. |
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As my cousin and close friend, he knows every detail of these events, |
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and will be happy to support what I say. |
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I will only add, may God be with you. |
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Fitzwilliam Darcy |
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Elizabeth experienced a variety of emotions as she read the letter. |
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She was astonished to discover that Darcy was capable of any sort of apology. |
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It was with a strong prejudice against anything he might say that she began reading his explanation of what had happened at Netherfield, |
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and at first she was too angry with him to treat him with justice. |
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But when she went on to read his description of his relationship with Wickham, she hesitated. |
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It was so very different from Wickham' s story, |
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which she would have preferred to believe. |
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But after a few moments' thought |
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she realized that Darcy' s statement was much more likely to be true. |
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She began to remember several things about Wickham which now appeared strange to her. |
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On the first evening she had met him, |
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he had told the whole story about his lost fortune and the Darcy family to her, a total stranger. |
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Then he had boasted of having no fear of Darcy, |
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but had avoided the Netherfield ball the very next week. |
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In addition, he had waited until the Bingleys and Darcy had left Netherfield before |
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making his accusations public. |
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She reminded herself that no one in Hertfordshire knew anything about Wickham' s past, |
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so it was quite possible that he lacked morals, as Darcy said. |
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She had to admit that Darcy himself, though horribly proud, |
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had always shown himself to be a gentleman. |
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Finally, Darcy would certainly not have dared to refer her to Colonel Fitzwilliam, if he were not certain that his cousin could prove these statements. |
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She became absolutely ashamed of herself. |
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' How badly I have behaved!' she cried. " |
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' How prejudiced I have been, " |
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I who have always been so proud of my ability to judge people! |
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That pride has led me blindly into making a stupid mistake. |
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Flattered by Wickham' s interest, and offended by Darcy' s coolness, I have misjudged both of them. |
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Till this moment, I never knew myself.' |
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She reread what Darcy had to say about Jane, |
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and this time was forced to admit that Jane had displayed few outward signs of her feelings for Bingley. |
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Charlotte had even commented on it. |
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Then when Elizabeth looked again at Darcy' s comments on her family' s behaviour, |
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her sense of shame was very great, |
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and she could not deny the justice of his words. |
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Feeling more miserable than she had ever felt before, |
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she slowly returned to the Rectory, |
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where she had difficulty in maintaining a cheerful appearance. |
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Mr Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam left Rosings the next day, |
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and were sadly missed by their aunt, |
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who now had so little entertainment |
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that she invited the Collinses and their visitors several times that week. |
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As Elizabeth only had a few days left before the end of her visit, |
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she thought it fortunate that most of her time was occupied. |
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When she had a moment to herself, |
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it was a great relief to walk outside in the garden or the park, alone with her thoughts. |
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She soon knew Mr Darcy' s letter by heart. |
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Although she was still angry with him for the proud, overconfident way in which he had proposed, |
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her anger turned against herself when she considered how unjustly she had criticized and accused him. |
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She respected his character and felt pity for his disappointment, |
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but did not for a moment regret her refusal, |
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or have the slightest desire to see him ever again. |
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She was saddened when she thought of her family. |
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Her father enjoyed laughing at Kitty' s and Lydia' s foolishness so much |
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that he never attempted to control his two youngest daughters, |
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and her mother, whose own behaviour was far from correct, |
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was completely unaware that anything was wrong. |
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And poor Jane! |
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It now appeared that Bingley' s affection had been sincere, |
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and Jane' s disappointment had been indirectly caused by the behaviour of her own near relations. |
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On Saturday morning Elizabeth said goodbye to her friend Charlotte, |
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feeling sorry to leave her with such a husband. |
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But Charlotte, although regretting the departure of her visitors, |
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appeared quite content with her domestic arrangements. |
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Mr Collins took care to say to Elizabeth, before she left, |
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' I do hope, my dear Miss Elizabeth, " |
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that you will be as happy in marriage as I am. |
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My dear Charlotte and I have one mind and one way of thinking. |
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We seem to be made for each other. |
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' It is most fortunate when that is the case,'" |
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was all that Elizabeth could safely reply. |
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By midday she had arrived in London, |
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where she had arranged to stay a few days at her aunt' s house. |
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There was, however, no opportunity to discuss Mr Darcy' s letter with Jane, |
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until they both reached Longbourn again, at the end of the week. |
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It was pleasant to be at home again, |
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but Elizabeth was very conscious of her younger sisters' silliness. |
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They were full of the sad news they had just heard, |
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that the regiment was leaving Meryton in two weeks' time |
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and would be staying for the summer in Brighton, a holiday town on the south coast. |
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Lydia and her mother were trying hard to persuade Mr Bennet to take them to Brighton too, |
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for several months, |
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as the summer would be so miserable in Hertfordshire without the officers. |
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Fortunately, Elizabeth felt sure her father would not agree to this foolish idea. |
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When she and Jane were alone, |
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she told her sister about Darcy' s proposal of marriage. |
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Jane was astonished, |
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but soon her sisterly feelings made her think it quite natural, |
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and her kind heart felt pity for Darcy' s disappointment. |
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However, when she heard about George Wickham' s wickedness, as explained in Darcy' s letter, |
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she was deeply shocked. |
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After some discussion, |
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the sisters decided not to tell anyone what they knew about Wickham, |
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as he would soon be leaving Meryton in any case. |
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Elizabeth felt greatly relieved by this conversation. |
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She had got rid of two of her secrets, |
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and was certain of a willing listener in Jane, whenever she might wish to talk again of either. |
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But she dared not tell the third, |
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and explain to Jane how sincere Bingley' s feelings for her had been. |
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She could see that Jane was not happy, |
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because of her continued warm affection for Bingley. |
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However, there seemed little chance of Bingley marrying her now, |
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and Elizabeth did not want to deepen Jane' s feelings of regret for her lost happiness. |