| [00:02.510] |
Chandler, Mon, there' s only one banananut muffin left. |
| [00:05.920] |
I ordered mine first. |
| [00:07.350] |
Yeah, but I' m so much faster. |
| [00:10.820] |
Give it to me. |
| [00:12.220] |
No. |
| [00:13.690] |
Give it to me! |
| [00:15.730] |
Okay, you can have it. |
| [00:25.400] |
There you go. Enjoy your coffee. |
| [00:28.910] |
That was there when I got here. |
| [00:33.910] |
Hey, you' ll never guess who' s coming to New York. |
| [00:37.750] |
Quick, tell us before he swallows. |
| [00:40.250] |
Ryan, that guy I dated who' s in the Navy. |
| [00:46.290] |
I met him while playing guitar in the park. |
| [00:52.500] |
Is that when you wrote " Saltwater Taffy Man"? |
| [00:57.500] |
No, he' s my submarine guy. He resurfaces every couple years... |
| [01:01.470] |
... and we have an amazing three days together. |
| [01:04.340] |
Only this time, he' s coming for 2 weeks. Two whole weeks, which means " yea"! |
| [01:10.780] |
So this guy goes down for, like, two years at a time? |
| [01:17.490] |
That' ll teach you to lick my muffin. |
| [01:24.160] |
Hi. |
| [01:26.360] |
Oh, no. What happened? |
| [01:27.800] |
I just spoke to Carol. Ben' s got chickenpox. |
| [01:30.470] |
Oh, no. |
| [01:31.670] |
Yeah, so if you haven' t had it, chances are you' ll get it. |
| [01:35.210] |
I' ve had it. I' ve had it. |
| [01:37.140] |
Had it. Had it. |
| [01:38.340] |
I' ve never had it. I feel so left out. Oh, look! |
| [01:45.380] |
The One With the Chicken Pox |
| [01:55.870] |
|
| [02:35.770] |
Honey, you made the bed again. |
| [02:38.740] |
I told you, you don' t have to do that. This isn' t camp. |
| [02:42.210] |
Then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. |
| [02:47.880] |
I' m taking a shower. Today I' ll sing Jim Croce' s " Leroy Brown." |
| [03:04.560] |
Hey, Mon, I have a question. |
| [03:07.300] |
Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town... |
| [03:10.440] |
... or the fattest man? |
| [03:13.400] |
The baddest. Otherwise, the song would be " Fat, Fat Leroy Brown." |
| [03:18.340] |
What are you doing? |
| [03:21.250] |
I' m just waiting for you, sweetie. |
| [03:26.580] |
Are you remaking the bed? |
| [03:29.490] |
I' m sorry. The way you did it, it was just fine. |
| [03:32.920] |
Then you' re redoing it because...? |
| [03:35.530] |
You' ll think I' m crazy. |
| [03:37.430] |
You' re pretty much running that risk either way. |
| [03:42.030] |
Okay. You see... |
| [03:44.540] |
... the duvet tag shouldn' t be at the top left corner... |
| [03:47.710] |
... it should be at the bottom right corner. |
| [03:51.280] |
That' s not so crazy. I' m just easing you in. |
| [03:54.550] |
All right. |
| [03:56.310] |
You see these little flower blossoms? |
| [03:58.650] |
They should be facing up not down... |
| [04:00.890] |
... because the head of the bed is where the sun would be. |
| [04:08.390] |
You don' t love me anymore, do you? |
| [04:12.560] |
Actually, if it' s possible, I love you more. |
| [04:16.330] |
Really? |
| [04:19.240] |
Wow. Well, then, come on! |
| [04:21.540] |
I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point. |
| [04:29.150] |
If you need something to hold you over... |
| [04:31.380] |
... I can get you a job here as an entrylevel processor. |
| [04:34.490] |
Don' t you need experience? |
| [04:36.550] |
It' s not hard to learn. |
| [04:38.160] |
As for people realizing you don' t know what you' re doing, you' re an actor. |
| [04:42.090] |
Act like a processor, people will think you' re a processor. |
| [04:47.000] |
Here' s this morning' s projections. |
| [04:49.530] |
Thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbiani. |
| [04:52.570] |
Joey is a fellow processor. |
| [04:55.870] |
No kidding? |
| [05:00.880] |
I process. People want the processing, I' m the one they call. |
| [05:06.120] |
Where do you work? Well, I' m in between things. |
| [05:09.620] |
You know, one day you' re processing, the next day... |
| [05:13.190] |
... you' re not so much processing anymore. |
| [05:16.130] |
I told Joey about the opening in Fleischman' s group. |
| [05:18.800] |
Fleischman' s group. |
| [05:20.630] |
Whatever you do, don' t touch his sandwiches. |
| [05:26.940] |
Are all you processors dorks? |
| [05:35.210] |
This lipstick looks just great on you. |
| [05:38.580] |
You look fabulous. You really do. |
| [05:40.790] |
Yeah, are you sure? Really? |
| [05:45.490] |
See, you look beautiful. For God sakes, dim the lights. |
| [05:50.930] |
I' m hideous! |
| [05:52.630] |
It' s gonna be okay. |
| [05:54.270] |
Ryan' s been underwater. |
| [05:56.000] |
He' s just gonna be glad you don' t have barnacles on your butt. |
| [06:12.180] |
Come in. |
| [06:14.590] |
Hey, baby, I' m back |
| [06:16.320] |
Hey, Ryan. What' s up? |
| [06:21.090] |
What' s going on? |
| [06:22.330] |
No, no. You have to stay back. |
| [06:25.330] |
I have the pox! |
| [06:29.500] |
Chicken or small? |
| [06:40.880] |
Please tell me you have, because oh, my God, I forgot how cute you are. |
| [06:46.350] |
I' m sorry, I never had them. |
| [06:50.860] |
If I had one wish, I' d go back to when I was 7... |
| [06:54.530] |
... when Jimmy Hauser had chickenpox, and rub that kid all over my face. |
| [06:59.630] |
Yeah, or you could wish that I didn' t have them now. |
| [07:03.530] |
Can I see your face? |
| [07:05.000] |
No. You don' t wanna see a face covered with pox. |
| [07:08.040] |
It could be lox, I wouldn' t care. |
| [07:11.710] |
And you hate fish. |
| [07:15.380] |
So sweet. All right. |
| [07:17.350] |
Okay, all right. You can see. |
| [07:20.490] |
This is me. |
| [07:27.260] |
Sorry! |
| [07:29.230] |
I am scary! |
| [07:30.700] |
The lightening was an unfortunate coincidence. |
| [07:35.370] |
You look lovely! Lovely! |
| [07:37.540] |
I hate this. |
| [07:39.270] |
I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us. |
| [07:42.540] |
And everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this. |
| [07:53.280] |
... thinking about this moment. |
| [07:56.050] |
I am not gonna let a bunch... |
| [07:58.760] |
... of itchy spots stand between us. |
| [08:08.400] |
Okay. This is the most romantic disease I' ve ever had. |
| [08:18.640] |
How' s the first day? Good. It' s like you said. |
| [08:21.550] |
It' s putting numbers from one column into another. |
| [08:24.720] |
There you go. |
| [08:34.660] |
Turns out our kids go to the same school. |
| [08:40.330] |
Yeah. Small world, huh? |
| [08:43.470] |
Weird world. |
| [08:45.870] |
Your kids? |
| [08:47.170] |
I figure my character has kids. |
| [08:55.410] |
When you' re acting, you need to think about that stuff. |
| [08:58.620] |
My character, Joseph the processing guy... |
| [09:02.120] |
... has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. |
| [09:06.920] |
Ashley copies everything Brittany does. |
| [09:14.830] |
Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes. |
| [09:19.540] |
You know, Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid. |
| [09:24.210] |
You know what? |
| [09:26.340] |
Just did. |
| [09:29.010] |
That' s some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there. |
| [09:43.430] |
IKnow what makes the itching worse? |
| [09:45.830] |
That you don' t stop talking about it? |
| [09:49.570] |
Fine. Let' s just play, okay? |
| [09:52.570] |
Good, okay. |
| [09:53.870] |
Here we go, double sixes. |
| [09:56.410] |
Here we go.... |
| [09:59.740] |
Here we go.... |
| [10:04.780] |
What are you doing? Are you scratching? |
| [10:07.120] |
No. This is what I do for luck, okay? |
| [10:11.020] |
You' re scratching. |
| [10:12.690] |
Give me the dice. |
| [10:14.090] |
Give me the dice. No! Here. There! |
| [10:16.860] |
Look, double sixes! |
| [10:19.900] |
We can' t scratch. We' ll scar. |
| [10:22.530] |
I can' t stop thinking about it. It' s just so hard. |
| [10:26.470] |
I wanna grab these houses and rub them all over my body. |
| [10:30.040] |
No! Give it! |
| [10:31.810] |
Come on! |
| [10:33.310] |
You know you want it. You know you want it too. |
| [10:36.250] |
Let' s just be bad. It' ll feel so good. |
| [10:41.720] |
Oh, God, help me. |
| [10:45.460] |
Oh, yeah. Okay, good. Now do me. |
| [10:47.630] |
Do my back. Oh, come on. Harder! |
| [10:50.660] |
There you go. |
| [10:51.800] |
Don' t move. Why? |
| [10:52.930] |
Don' t move. What are you...? |
| [10:59.100] |
Stop that. Stop that right now. |
| [11:01.910] |
I might' ve expected this of Phoebe. But, Ryan, you' re a military man. |
| [11:10.620] |
You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Bring the kids. |
| [11:14.590] |
We' ll make a day of it. |
| [11:16.250] |
That sounds lovely. We' ll have to set it up. |
| [11:19.160] |
I better get back. Hope the baby feels better. |
| [11:22.090] |
Thanks. |
| [11:24.000] |
Byebye, Jeannie. Byebye, Joseph. |
| [11:26.760] |
What a phony. |
| [11:31.300] |
You' ll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. |
| [11:36.440] |
Hey, Mr. Douglas. Sir. |
| [11:38.380] |
Bing, I got your memo. We' re not gonna see the report until next Friday? |
| [11:45.850] |
I have a family. I' m gonna be here. |
| [11:48.850] |
Yeah, Bing. What' s that about? |
| [11:56.000] |
It' s about cutting them a little slack for morale. |
| [11:59.330] |
Look, I can get some rough numbers by Wednesday. |
| [12:02.370] |
Rough numbers? |
| [12:05.500] |
This company wasn' t built on rough numbers. Right, Mr. Douglas? |
| [12:10.140] |
Have the final numbers on my desk by Tuesday. |
| [12:13.180] |
If you say so, sir. |
| [12:16.080] |
Joseph' s good, isn' t he? |
| [12:20.250] |
I' m going to kill you. |
| [12:23.020] |
Hey, I just figured Joseph' s the kind of guy who likes to mix it up. |
| [12:27.660] |
You know, get in there, ruffle some feathers. |
| [12:32.100] |
Why? |
| [12:35.270] |
Look, I' m sorry, but that' s what Joseph does. |
| [12:39.040] |
Okay? If you try to pull something... |
| [12:41.510] |
... he' ll call you on it. |
| [12:43.670] |
" What are you trying to pull?" he' ll say. |
| [12:51.580] |
Duct tape. |
| [12:56.390] |
This is for the scratchy twins. I taped oven mitts to their hands. |
| [13:01.430] |
You' re strict. |
| [13:03.090] |
Well, it' s for their own good. |
| [13:05.200] |
You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. |
| [13:10.030] |
See, in a tape emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your time. |
| [13:15.770] |
Exactly! |
| [13:18.080] |
God, I love that I can be totally neurotic around you now. |
| [13:22.810] |
Tell me the truth. |
| [13:24.080] |
Don' t you like having everything on your desk perpendicular? |
| [13:27.490] |
If it' s not a right angle, it is a wrong angle. |
| [13:31.590] |
Very good. Thank you. |
| [13:32.920] |
Tomorrow, I' m gonna do your clocks. |
| [13:36.560] |
You' re gonna do what to my clocks? |
| [13:38.730] |
Set them to my time. |
| [13:42.670] |
I' m confused. |
| [13:47.100] |
No. See, in my bedroom I set my clock six minutes fast. |
| [13:51.680] |
Wanna know why? |
| [13:52.810] |
Because it' s in a slightly different time zone than the kitchen? |
| [13:57.520] |
Forget it. |
| [13:58.750] |
No, come on, tell me. |
| [14:00.280] |
You don' t understand. Come on. |
| [14:02.290] |
You don' t have any obsessive things. |
| [14:04.520] |
No, that' s not true. |
| [14:06.590] |
Oh, yeah? Tell me one of yours. |
| [14:15.670] |
One of my things is I always separate my sweat socks... |
| [14:20.470] |
... from my dress socks. |
| [14:25.810] |
What if they get mixed up? |
| [14:27.550] |
Boy, I would just.... |
| [14:30.550] |
I would freak out. |
| [14:34.020] |
You would not. |
| [14:35.720] |
I can' t believe this. I hate this. You' re too normal. |
| [14:39.520] |
I can' t believe you don' t have a " thing." |
| [14:41.830] |
My boyfriend doesn' t have a " thing." |
| [14:44.630] |
See, if anyone overheard that, I didn' t come off well. |
| [14:57.070] |
Mr. Douglas is looking for you. Why is Mr. Douglas looking for me? |
| [15:02.580] |
He suspects you dropped the ball on the Lender project. |
| [15:07.020] |
Why? Why does he suspect that? |
| [15:10.690] |
At first, he thought it was Joseph... |
| [15:13.220] |
... but after he asked Joseph about it, turns out it was you. |
| [15:18.830] |
Anyway, I thought you should know. All right. That' s it. |
| [15:22.500] |
Look, Joey... |
| [15:24.000] |
... I realize this is the role of a lifetime for you... |
| [15:27.070] |
... and if I could just fire Joseph, I would. But that' s not possible. |
| [15:31.440] |
So I have to let you both go. |
| [15:35.250] |
What? Everybody loves Joseph. |
| [15:37.510] |
I don' t. I hate Joseph. |
| [15:40.890] |
I think he' s a brownnosing suckup. |
| [15:45.520] |
You can' t fire Joseph. He' s not in your department. |
| [15:53.900] |
All right, okay. So I can' t fire Joseph... |
| [15:57.770] |
... but I can sleep with his wife. |
| [16:02.940] |
Not Karen! |
| [16:04.110] |
Yeah, I' m thinking about having an affair with her. |
| [16:07.610] |
You know what? |
| [16:09.650] |
I just did. |
| [16:14.080] |
What the hell are you doing? |
| [16:16.050] |
Oh, it' s not me. |
| [16:17.550] |
It' s my character! |
| [16:19.820] |
Chandie. |
| [16:22.160] |
The rogue processor who seduces his coworkers' wives... |
| [16:25.660] |
... and then laughs about it. |
| [16:27.900] |
In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer! |
| [16:31.570] |
Really? No, freak show, she' s fictional! |
| [16:35.640] |
Take it easy. |
| [16:37.240] |
If it means that much to you, I' ll go find something else. |
| [16:42.650] |
Thank you. |
| [16:45.820] |
It' s just that I' m gonna miss Joseph. |
| [16:50.000] |
I liked him. His wife. |
| [16:52.490] |
She was hot. |
| [16:58.760] |
Please take these off. I swear I won' t scratch. |
| [17:01.670] |
No, sorry, hon. Monica' s orders. |
| [17:05.800] |
Well, that wasn' t easy. |
| [17:09.270] |
Okay, dinner' s on. |
| [17:11.840] |
There' s a peach cobbler warming in the oven. |
| [17:14.310] |
So the plate' s gonna be hot, but that shouldn' t be a problem for you. |
| [17:20.180] |
All right, you kids. Bye, now. |
| [17:22.290] |
Bye. Oh, look, look. |
| [17:24.320] |
A lowbudget puppet show. |
| [17:28.330] |
A shame you can' t see what finger I' m holding up. |
| [17:35.830] |
Wine? Please. |
| [17:47.850] |
Spilled some. I got it. |
| [18:01.930] |
You look beautiful tonight. |
| [18:04.500] |
What? |
| [18:07.430] |
Sorry. |
| [18:11.570] |
You look beautiful. |
| [18:29.750] |
You know what? That' s it. That' s it. |
| [18:40.130] |
Oh, yes. |
| [18:43.430] |
Good. |
| [18:50.040] |
You guys, did you? |
| [19:01.250] |
Monica... |
| [19:02.320] |
... wake up. |
| [19:04.720] |
What' s up? |
| [19:06.160] |
I thought of a thing. |
| [19:11.860] |
Yeah? |
| [19:14.470] |
I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed. |
| [19:20.640] |
No. You have to sleep on this side of the bed... |
| [19:23.910] |
... because I have to sleep on this side of the bed. |
| [19:28.750] |
Or so I would have you believe. |
| [19:34.620] |
So you have a side of the bed. Everybody has a side of the bed. |
| [19:38.690] |
Hey, come on. You haven' t heard my reason yet. |
| [19:42.000] |
All right, go on. |
| [19:45.100] |
I have to sleep on the west side... |
| [19:47.600] |
... because I grew up in California... |
| [19:50.930] |
... and otherwise... |
| [19:53.040] |
... the ocean would be on the wrong side. |
| [20:01.150] |
Oh, my God. |
| [20:02.680] |
You' re a freak! |
| [20:05.620] |
How about that? |
| [20:11.520] |
Where' re you shipping off to? |
| [20:13.390] |
I really can' t say. |
| [20:14.790] |
Do you have nuclear weapons onboard? |
| [20:17.730] |
I can' t say. |
| [20:19.160] |
Do you get to look through a periscope thingy? |
| [20:22.170] |
I' m sorry, but I can' t say. |
| [20:24.230] |
Wow, it' s neat learning about submarines. |
| [20:27.910] |
I better not miss my flight. I' ll walk you out. |
| [20:39.050] |
So do you think we could get you one of those uniform things? |
| [20:44.820] |
You like that, do you? |
| [20:46.690] |
Oh, yeah. |
| [20:48.160] |
I' ll make some calls. |
| [20:52.030] |
Can you believe that' s how we spent our two weeks? |
| [20:54.700] |
We didn' t do the romantic things I' d planned... |
| [20:56.730] |
... Iike having a picnic in Central Park and coffee at Central Perk. |
| [21:01.570] |
Oh, I just got that! |
| [21:12.420] |
Taxi! |
| [21:19.860] |
Bye, you. |
| [21:34.370] |
I' m sorry, we' re |
| [21:39.310] |
Hey, sailor. |
| [21:40.710] |
Is this what you had in mind? |
| [21:43.910] |
I' ll say. |
| [21:50.820] |
I' m shipping out tomorrow. |
| [21:53.360] |
Well, then... |
| [21:56.930] |
... we better make this night count. |
| [22:01.270] |
Wait, I forgot to turn off the cappuccino machine. |
| [22:12.840] |
Anchors aweigh. |
| [22:16.780] |
Oh, wait, wait! My purse, my purse! |
| [22:25.260] |
I forgot to turn off the bathroom light. |
| [22:28.060] |
Why don' t I just meet you upstairs? |
| [22:35.130] |
Honey! |