| [01:03.-2] |
Tongue? |
| [03:29.-4] |
Good. |
| [05:31.-1] |
All right. |
| [06:27.-3] |
Abso... |
| [07:10.-2] |
He' s gonna stay with Julie. |
| [08:23.-1] |
Rachel first. |
| [09:12.-3] |
Okay, let' s do Julie. |
| [10:39.-4] |
I just got back... |
| [11:47.-1] |
Let me get my coat. Okay. No, hey! |
| [13:22.-4] |
A lonely gray couch. |
| [13:54.-1] |
I do not need to see it! |
| [15:02.-4] |
It' s " She' s not Rachel"! |
| [16:20.-3] |
Hey! Open up! Please? |
| [16:43.-4] |
Number three: the way you play with your hair when you' re nervous. |
| [17:03.-2] |
Oh, yeah. |
| [19:15.-2] |
Anyhow, here' s your check. |
| [19:31.-1] |
So it doesn' t burn when you pee, does it? |
| [00:04.82] |
Ross kissed me. |
| [00:07.32] |
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! |
| [00:09.82] |
It was unbelievable! |
| [00:11.39] |
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! |
| [00:14.69] |
Let' s hear everything. |
| [00:16.43] |
Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. |
| [00:19.36] |
Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues? |
| [00:23.10] |
It ended very well. |
| [00:26.20] |
Do not start without me! Do not start without me! |
| [00:29.34] |
Okay. All right. Let' s hear about the kiss. |
| [00:32.18] |
Was it a soft brush against your lips... |
| [00:34.78] |
... or was it a " I gotta have you now" kind of thing? |
| [00:38.88] |
Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then.... |
| [00:43.22] |
Oh, God. And then we just sort of sunk into it. |
| [00:46.79] |
So was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back? |
| [00:50.63] |
No, actually, first they started out on my waist... |
| [00:54.37] |
... and then they slid up and were in my hair. |
| [01:00.27] |
And... |
| [01:01.44] |
... then I kissed her. |
| [01:04.08] |
Yeah. Cool. |
| [01:53.16] |
All right, check out this bad boy! |
| [01:55.53] |
Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500megabyte hard drive... 12MGRAM 500MG |
| [01:59.10] |
... builtin spreadsheet capabilities... |
| [02:01.10] |
... and a modem that transmits at over 28, 000 BPS. |
| [02:05.27] |
What will you use it for? |
| [02:07.84] |
Games and stuff. |
| [02:11.51] |
There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me. |
| [02:14.41] |
Oh, wait, here' s one. |
| [02:16.92] |
Would you be willing to cook naked? There' s an ad for a naked chef? |
| [02:21.29] |
No, but if you' ll cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. |
| [02:26.26] |
And then. |
| [02:31.43] |
So how' d you make out last night? |
| [02:37.44] |
That is funny. That is painfully funny. |
| [02:40.14] |
No, wait, wait. |
| [02:41.81] |
Yeah, that' s just painful. |
| [02:44.31] |
Wait a minute. I thought last night was great. |
| [02:47.65] |
Yeah, it was. But I get home... |
| [02:49.75] |
... and I see Julie' s saline solution on my night table... |
| [02:53.25] |
... and I think, " My God! What am I doing?" |
| [02:55.79] |
Here I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman... |
| [02:58.89] |
... who I care about and who cares about me... |
| [03:01.83] |
... and I' m just throwing all that away? |
| [03:04.50] |
You got all that from saline solution? |
| [03:08.00] |
Wait. We' re talking about Rachel. You and Rachel. |
| [03:11.50] |
I' ve been dreaming about me and Rachel for 10 years. |
| [03:14.67] |
But now I' m with Julie. |
| [03:16.64] |
So it' s like, me and Julie, me and Rachel. |
| [03:19.74] |
Me and Julie, me and Rach |
| [03:22.48] |
Rachel! Rachel. |
| [03:24.85] |
Hey, you. How are you? |
| [03:27.29] |
Good. How are you? |
| [03:30.36] |
Hi, honey. Hi, Julie. Hi, Julie? |
| [03:33.76] |
Julie! |
| [03:36.59] |
How are you? |
| [03:37.66] |
Good. |
| [03:39.33] |
So everybody' s here. |
| [03:41.87] |
Everybody' s good. |
| [03:46.67] |
Were you gonna play something? |
| [03:49.14] |
Well, actually Play it! |
| [03:53.28] |
All right. |
| [03:55.15] |
Julie, I didn' t know you wore lenses. What? |
| [04:00.22] |
Okay. Hi. |
| [04:02.00] |
Hello. Hi. Okay. |
| [04:06.22] |
This is a song about a love triangle... |
| [04:09.53] |
... between three people I made up. |
| [04:15.40] |
It' s called " Two of Them Kissed Last Night." |
| [04:21.64] |
There was a girl We' ll call her Betty |
| [04:25.54] |
And a guy Let' s call him Neil |
| [04:29.55] |
Now I can' t stress This point too strongly |
| [04:33.59] |
This story isn' t real |
| [04:39.00] |
Now our Neil must decide Who will be the girl that he casts aside |
| [04:44.00] |
Will Betty be the one Who he loves truly |
| [04:46.40] |
Or will it be the one Who we' ll call Loolie |
| [04:53.37] |
He must decide He must decide |
| [04:55.91] |
Even though I made him up He must decide |
| [05:03.01] |
Well, this is a nice resume. |
| [05:06.05] |
Nice, nice, nice. |
| [05:08.52] |
Muy impressivo. |
| [05:11.52] |
Mr. Rastatter, what does this job entail? The ad wasn' t clear. |
| [05:16.76] |
Macholate. |
| [05:18.93] |
I' m sorry? Macholate. |
| [05:20.47] |
It' s a synthetic chocolate substitute. |
| [05:25.94] |
Go ahead, try a piece. |
| [05:27.74] |
We think Macholate is even better than chocolate. |
| [05:41.29] |
I love how it crumbles. |
| [05:43.82] |
You see, chocolate doesn' t do that. No, ma' am. |
| [05:47.83] |
We should be getting our FDA approval any day now. |
| [05:52.40] |
Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. |
| [05:55.10] |
The way we see it, chocolate dominates... |
| [05:57.80] |
... your major foodpreparation holidays. Easter, Christmas, what have you. |
| [06:02.84] |
But given the right marketing... |
| [06:05.14] |
... we can make Thanksgiving the Macholate holiday. |
| [06:09.18] |
Wow. |
| [06:11.12] |
Aren' t you gonna swallow that? |
| [06:13.69] |
Just waiting for it to stop bubbling. |
| [06:16.32] |
Isn' t that great? |
| [06:20.29] |
Well, anyhow... |
| [06:21.83] |
... we' re looking for chefs who can create Thanksgiving recipes. |
| [06:25.53] |
You interested? |
| [06:29.27] |
... lutely! |
| [06:32.27] |
I love creating recipes, I love Thanksgiving, and now... |
| [06:36.01] |
... I love Macholate. |
| [06:37.44] |
Really? |
| [06:38.71] |
Especially that aftertaste. I tell you... |
| [06:41.61] |
... that' ll last you till Christmas. |
| [06:48.22] |
How about Macholate mousse? |
| [06:50.19] |
It' s not... |
| [06:51.62] |
... very Thanksgivingy. |
| [06:53.66] |
How about Pilgrim Macholate mousse? |
| [06:57.20] |
What makes it Pilgrim? |
| [06:58.73] |
We' ll put buckles on it. |
| [07:04.07] |
Did Ross call? |
| [07:05.54] |
No, I' m sorry. |
| [07:07.64] |
Why didn' t he call? |
| [07:11.81] |
He' s gonna stay with her and she' ll be: |
| [07:14.18] |
" Hi, I' m Julie. Ross picked me. " |
| [07:16.68] |
We' ll get married and have lots of kids and dig up stuff together!" " |
| [07:22.42] |
No offense, but that sounds nothing like her. |
| [07:28.03] |
What am I gonna do? This is like a complete nightmare! |
| [07:32.26] |
I know. This must be so hard. " Oh, no! Two women love me! |
| [07:37.74] |
They' re both gorgeous, my wallet' s too small for my 50s... |
| [07:41.21] |
... and my diamond shoes are too tight!" |
| [07:45.11] |
Here' s a thought Don' t ever touch the computer. |
| [07:50.11] |
Ross, listen. I got two words for you: |
| [07:53.18] |
Threesome. |
| [07:58.29] |
Let' s get logical about this. We' ll make a list. |
| [08:01.26] |
" Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons." " |
| [08:07.90] |
We' ll put their names in different fonts... |
| [08:10.87] |
... and I can use different colors for each column. |
| [08:13.74] |
Can' t we use a pen? |
| [08:15.24] |
No, Amish boy. |
| [08:19.04] |
Let' s start with the cons because they' re more fun. |
| [08:24.82] |
I don' t know. |
| [08:26.48] |
I mean.... |
| [08:27.92] |
All right, I guess you can say she' s a little spoiled sometimes. |
| [08:32.89] |
You could say that. |
| [08:36.46] |
I guess, sometimes she' s a little ditzy, you know? |
| [08:40.80] |
And I' ve seen her be a little too into her looks. |
| [08:44.40] |
And Julie and I have a lot in common... |
| [08:46.74] |
... because we' re both paleontologists, right? |
| [08:49.84] |
But Rachel' s just a waitress. |
| [08:51.91] |
Waitress. |
| [08:53.85] |
Got it. You guys want to play Doom? |
| [08:58.58] |
Or we could keep doing this. |
| [09:02.42] |
What else? |
| [09:04.26] |
I don' t know. |
| [09:07.63] |
Oh! Her ankles are a little chubby. |
| [09:13.60] |
What' s wrong with her? |
| [09:18.54] |
She' s not Rachel. |
| [09:23.94] |
This is pumpkin pie with a Macholate crust. |
| [09:27.04] |
This is Macholate cranberry cake, and these are Macholatechip cookies. |
| [09:31.05] |
Just like the lndians served. |
| [09:36.69] |
Oh, my God! |
| [09:37.89] |
" Oh, my God" good? |
| [09:39.06] |
Oh, my God! I can' t believe you let me put this in my mouth. |
| [09:43.76] |
Sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like! |
| [09:53.47] |
I tell you, it won' t print. |
| [09:56.47] |
I pressed that button, like, 100 times. |
| [09:59.38] |
For a hotline, you' re not so hot. |
| [10:03.75] |
What is that in the background? |
| [10:05.75] |
Are you watching Star Trek? |
| [10:14.56] |
So did you break Julie' s heart? |
| [10:18.40] |
It was horrible. She cried, I cried. She threw things, they hit me. |
| [10:25.77] |
I did the right thing. |
| [10:27.24] |
So Spock actually hugs his father? |
| [10:31.84] |
Hey, do you guys have |
| [10:37.85] |
Where you going? |
| [10:42.52] |
... from Julie' s. |
| [10:46.46] |
No, no. |
| [10:47.79] |
It' s not what you think. |
| [10:49.83] |
It' s the other thing. |
| [10:58.44] |
Well, what' s the other thing? What do I think? |
| [11:03.84] |
Well.... |
| [11:05.31] |
He broke up with Julie! |
| [11:08.15] |
Well, go hug her, for God' s sakes! |
| [11:12.68] |
Really? |
| [11:13.85] |
Really. |
| [11:15.89] |
It' s always been you, Rach. |
| [11:18.02] |
Oh, God. |
| [11:31.37] |
Oh, this is good. |
| [11:33.17] |
This is really good. I know. I know. |
| [11:35.51] |
It' s almost.... |
| [11:43.65] |
What do you say we take a walk? Just us. Not them. |
| [11:50.42] |
I' ll get your coat. |
| [11:59.23] |
He' s going to get my coat. He' s going to get my coat, Joey! |
| [12:02.90] |
Joey, I can' t believe this! This is unbelievable! |
| [12:07.24] |
What' s that? What? Nothing! |
| [12:11.84] |
I saw my name. What is it? No, no, see? See? |
| [12:15.41] |
It' s printing! |
| [12:17.72] |
It' s printing! |
| [12:20.58] |
Let me see! |
| [12:22.05] |
Hey, someone order a coat? |
| [12:23.89] |
Chandler wrote something about me and won' t let me see. |
| [12:27.43] |
He won' t? He won' t! |
| [12:31.26] |
Because isn' t that... |
| [12:33.10] |
... the short story you were writing? |
| [12:36.27] |
Yes, it is a short story... |
| [12:38.74] |
... that I was writing. |
| [12:40.20] |
And I' m in it? Let me read it. |
| [12:42.31] |
No! |
| [12:45.64] |
Come on! Hey, why don' t you read it to her? |
| [12:59.56] |
All right. |
| [13:10.60] |
" It was summer. |
| [13:14.47] |
And it was hot. |
| [13:16.91] |
Rachel was there. |
| [13:26.32] |
' Oh, look!' cried Ned. |
| [13:29.49] |
And the kingdom was his forever. The end!" |
| [13:35.59] |
That' s all you wrote? You' re the worst writer in the world! |
| [13:40.13] |
This isn' t funny anymore. |
| [13:42.00] |
There' s something about me on that paper, and I want to see it. |
| [13:46.27] |
No, you don' t. |
| [13:49.84] |
All right, fine. If you guys want to be children, that' s fine. |
| [14:02.29] |
What is this? |
| [14:03.52] |
That is.... |
| [14:06.46] |
What is this? |
| [14:07.53] |
Thank you. Good luck. |
| [14:12.53] |
Okay. Just remember how crazy I am about you, okay? |
| [14:16.30] |
" Kind of ditzy"? " |
| [14:18.37] |
" Too into her looks"? " |
| [14:21.07] |
" Spoiled"? |
| [14:22.34] |
A little spoiled. He was supposed to type " little," the idiot! |
| [14:27.38] |
" Just a waitress"? " |
| [14:30.51] |
Now that was.... |
| [14:32.68] |
I mean, as opposed to.... |
| [14:36.32] |
Okay, is this over yet? Rach? |
| [14:39.42] |
I do not have chubby ankles! |
| [14:43.03] |
No! I |
| [14:44.43] |
Okay, look at the other side. Look at Julie' s column. |
| [14:48.43] |
" She' s not Rachem"? " |
| [14:51.37] |
What the hell' s a Rachem? |
| [14:53.07] |
Is that a stupid paleontology word... |
| [14:55.34] |
... I wouldn' t know, because I' m just a waitress? |
| [14:58.24] |
Rach, come on! |
| [15:04.05] |
She' s not.... |
| [15:13.86] |
My diary! Brilliant! |
| [15:15.43] |
If I' d said it was my diary, she wouldn' t have made me read it. |
| [15:19.46] |
That' s true. You' d be a great person to have around after an emergency. |
| [15:25.57] |
I cannot believe Ross even made this list. |
| [15:28.14] |
I know. What a dinkus! |
| [15:31.81] |
Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler' s idea. |
| [15:35.31] |
What? |
| [15:36.81] |
Oh, good. I was hoping that would come up. |
| [15:40.55] |
This was your idea? |
| [15:42.15] |
Let' s get some perspective here. These things happen for a reason. |
| [15:46.79] |
Yeah. You! |
| [15:49.89] |
Pheebs, back me up. You believe in that karma crap, don' t you? |
| [15:54.83] |
By the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle. |
| [16:16.02] |
Rach! |
| [16:22.66] |
When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means," Go away." |
| [16:26.80] |
It doesn' t mean, " Climb up the fire escape." |
| [16:29.27] |
I just want to read you your " Pro List." |
| [16:32.30] |
Not interested. |
| [16:35.44] |
" Number one: the way you cry at game shows. |
| [16:39.18] |
Number two: how much you love your friends. |
| [16:47.18] |
Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. |
| [16:51.29] |
Number five: how great you are with Ben. |
| [16:54.63] |
Number six: the way you smell." |
| [16:59.53] |
What are you doing? |
| [17:01.13] |
You want to open the window? |
| [17:05.57] |
What are you doing out there? I' m.... |
| [17:08.17] |
You must be freezing. You know what you need? |
| [17:10.87] |
How about a nice, steaming cup of hot Macholate? |
| [17:18.18] |
Come on, open up. |
| [17:20.65] |
Rach, come on. You gotta give me another chance. |
| [17:24.00] |
No. |
| [17:25.89] |
No? That' s what I said. |
| [17:28.19] |
Maybe we should go. |
| [17:29.53] |
You don' t have to go. We' re done. |
| [17:31.83] |
I know how you must |
| [17:33.56] |
No! You don' t, Ross. |
| [17:35.90] |
Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. |
| [17:40.04] |
How would you feel if the person you trusted most in the world... |
| [17:44.44] |
... not only thinks them too... |
| [17:46.34] |
... but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you. |
| [17:50.51] |
No, but see, I want to be with you in spite of all those things. |
| [17:55.85] |
Well, that' s mighty big of you. |
| [17:58.76] |
I said, don' t go! |
| [18:03.43] |
You know what? |
| [18:04.90] |
If it were the other way around, there is nothing you could put on a list... |
| [18:09.93] |
... that would make me not want to be with you. |
| [18:13.37] |
Well, then I guess that' s the difference between us. |
| [18:16.77] |
See, I' d never make a list. |
| [18:34.93] |
I never know how long to wait in this situation before you can talk. |
| [18:41.60] |
Maybe a little longer. |
| [18:48.57] |
In these recipes, the quantities may seem unusual. |
| [18:51.91] |
Like these coconut Macholate holiday nut bars? |
| [18:55.11] |
I' ve indicated four cups of coconut and four cups of nuts... |
| [18:58.42] |
... and only one tablespoon of Macholate. |
| [19:02.82] |
Doesn' t matter. |
| [19:05.36] |
Our FDA approval didn' t come through. |
| [19:08.09] |
Something about laboratory rats. |
| [19:12.13] |
Gosh, I' m sorry. |
| [19:13.36] |
Yeah. |
| [19:18.10] |
Thank you for all the trouble you went through. |
| [19:20.94] |
Listen, you didn' t eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you? |
| [19:25.18] |
Well, I ate some. |
| [19:26.88] |
Oh, some is fine. Some is not a lot. |
| [19:51.87] |
Is that him again? |
| [19:53.50] |
Tell him I' d come to the phone, but my ankles are weighing me down. |
| [19:59.81] |
I don' t think this is the best time. |
| [20:02.18] |
Look, can you do something for me? |
| [20:05.32] |
Sure. What? |
| [20:10.65] |
All right. |
| [20:15.23] |
Music? |
| [20:17.03] |
Sure. |
| [20:25.17] |
The next one' s dedicated to Rachel from Ross. |
| [20:28.37] |
Rachel, he wants you to know he' s sorry for what he did... |
| [20:31.44] |
... and he hopes you can forgive him. |
| [20:34.61] |
See the stones set in your eyes |
| [20:39.22] |
See the thorn twist in your side |
| [20:43.75] |
I' ll wait for you |
| [20:52.53] |
Sleight of hand and twist of fate |
| [20:56.53] |
On a bed of nails she makes me wait |
| [21:01.47] |
And I' ll wait without you |
| [21:06.11] |
We' ve just gotten a call from Rachel and she told us what Ross did. |
| [21:11.22] |
It' s pretty appalling. And, Ross, if you' re listening... |
| [21:14.42] |
... I don' t want to play your song anymore. |
| [21:22.83] |
Why don' t we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? |
| [21:25.93] |
Avery, Michelle' s sorry she hit you with her car... |
| [21:28.57] |
... and she hopes you two will work it out. |
| [21:31.64] |
There' s a room where |
| [21:34.44] |
I can go |
| [21:38.08] |
And tell my secrets to |
| [21:43.81] |
In my room |
| [21:50.32] |
In my room |
| [22:04.94] |
Thanks for coming in again. |
| [22:07.14] |
Not at all. I have no morals, and I need the cash. |
| [22:10.44] |
It' s like I' m looking in a mirror. |
| [22:13.48] |
Anyway, they' re called Fishtachios. |
| [22:17.68] |
They taste exactly like pistachios... |
| [22:20.52] |
... but they' re made of reconstituted fish bits. |
| [22:24.02] |
Here, try one. |
| [22:26.66] |
All right. You' re not allergic to anything? |
| [22:29.69] |
Cat hair. |
| [22:30.73] |
Oh, sorry. |