kao shi

Song 考试
Artist 马三立
Album 相声大师 马三立

Lyrics

[00:00.50] 学生必须要考试
[00:03.46] 甭管大中小学
[00:05.51] 学生期末考试期中考试暑假考试寒假考试
[00:10.26] 干嘛老考试呢？
[00:12.23] 反复让他学习让他加强记忆力
[00:15.70] 念过的书再让他复习一阵儿
[00:18.17] 为什么要留作业呢？
[00:19.22] 就是让他记得清楚
[00:20.83] 必须要考！
[00:22.70] 那么一年级小孩刚上学
[00:25.55] 小孩刚打托儿所出来
[00:27.85] 够岁数了报考小学一年级
[00:31.70] 也得考
[00:32.83] 什么呢？
[00:34.36] 那作文作了了么？
[00:35.82] 那造句，也不会
[00:37.40] 打算盘，也不行
[00:38.28] 考的什么呢？
[00:39.49] 诶，也得考
[00:40.67] 上一年级了
[00:41.88] 小孩都得考
[00:43.20] 考什么呢？
[00:44.00] 智力测验
[00:45.00] 看看他记忆力怎么样
[00:46.28] 脑筋怎么样
[00:47.16] 怕他呆傻病
[00:48.55] 有呆傻病的，迂，傻
[00:51.72] 这学校就不收了
[00:53.12] 一年级一开学了
[00:54.87] 五十多学生仨傻子
[00:56.54] 你说怎么办呢
[00:59.17] 这老师受得了么？
[01:01.47] 怎么得奖，怎么提级啊？
[01:03.45] 所以要考
[01:04.77] 傻，笨，这孩子就不要了
[01:06.96] 考也不考别的
[01:08.29] 就问问
[01:10.30] 天安门在哪啊？
[01:11.63] 在北京
[01:12.89] 国旗什么色儿？
[01:15.40] 红...红的
[01:16.80] 这就行了
[01:17.18] 再随便问他
[01:18.19] 你是哪儿住
[01:18.97] 地方
[01:19.58] 哪国人
[01:20.92] 中国人
[01:21.72] 反正是指不定问什么
[01:23.23] 这小孩送去
[01:25.21] 也得家长送去
[01:26.54] 平常这小孩多淘气，多撂
[01:28.74] 哪都不怕，哪儿都不含糊
[01:30.14] 只要上学去，老实
[01:31.54] 没有单去的
[01:32.64] 没有说这六七岁小孩
[01:34.82] 明儿报名上学
[01:35.90] 甭管啦，自己去吧
[01:37.24] 这孩子，不敢，怎么也害怕
[01:40.89] 没见过学校啊
[01:43.15] 不知道怎么回事儿
[01:44.10] 必须得妈妈陪着
[01:45.45] 妈妈带着去
[01:46.59] 道儿上还得嘱咐
[01:47.84] “别害怕啊，老师问什么说什么啊
[01:50.49] 给老师先鞠躬啊，别说叫小虎，”
[01:55.70] “叫嘛？”
[01:56.59] “李文林”
[01:59.02] “咱有学名字啊，李文林，别说叫小虎啊，”
[02:02.20] 就挨个等着吧
[02:03.75] 好嘛一个一个儿的
[02:06.19] 等着叫呢，都是六七岁的
[02:07.87] “谁叫李文林？”
[02:09.26] “快去吧”妈妈推他
[02:11.15] “过去，过去啊，快过去，给老师先鞠躬，”
[02:13.97] 这孩子蔫蔫的过去了
[02:16.71] 不敢抬头，不敢看老师
[02:18.89] 不敢跟老师对眼，低下头
[02:21.73] 先鞠个躬
[02:22.72] “叫什么名字啊”
[02:25.21] “李文林”
[02:29.80] “几岁？”
[02:30.50] “七岁”
[02:32.84] “去年几岁啊？”
[02:34.34] “去年六岁”
[02:37.21] “上三年级时候几岁？”
[02:40.40] “九岁”
[02:42.59] “行啊，你爸爸会计？”
[02:46.37] “不是，卖鱼的”
[02:49.24] “喔做买卖，你妈妈是学校老师？”
[02:53.74] “不是，也是卖鱼的”
[02:57.13] “一百斤鱼卖九十几斤还剩多少？”
[02:59.47] “剩十斤”
[03:01.45] “听明白了吗？
[03:03.14] 一百斤鱼卖九十九斤，还剩多少？”
[03:07.25] “十斤”
[03:08.99] “剩得了那么多吗？”
[03:11.30] “剩得了
[03:12.16] 要我爸爸看摊儿还能剩得多”

Pinyin

[00:00.50] xué shēng bì xū yào kǎo shì
[00:03.46] béng guǎn dà zhōng xiǎo xué
[00:05.51] xué shēng qī mò kǎo shì qī zhōng kǎo shì shǔ jià kǎo shì hán jià kǎo shì
[00:10.26] gàn ma lǎo kǎo shì ne?
[00:12.23] fǎn fù ràng tā xué xí ràng tā jiā qiáng jì yì lì
[00:15.70] niàn guò de shū zài ràng tā fù xí yī zhèn ér
[00:18.17] wèi shí me yào liú zuò yè ne?
[00:19.22] jiù shì ràng tā jì de qīng chǔ
[00:20.83] bì xū yào kǎo!
[00:22.70] nà me yī nián jí xiǎo hái gāng shàng xué
[00:25.55] xiǎo hái gāng dǎ tuō ér suǒ chū lái
[00:27.85] gòu suì shù le bào kǎo xiǎo xué yī nián jí
[00:31.70] yě de kǎo
[00:32.83] shén me ne?
[00:34.36] nà zuò wén zuò liǎo liǎo me?
[00:35.82] nà zào jù, yě bú huì
[00:37.40] dǎ suàn pán, yě bù xíng
[00:38.28] kǎo de shén me ne?
[00:39.49] éi, yě de kǎo
[00:40.67] shàng yī nián jí le
[00:41.88] xiǎo hái dōu dé kǎo
[00:43.20] kǎo shén me ne?
[00:44.00] zhì lì cè yàn
[00:45.00] kàn kàn tā jì yì lì zěn me yàng
[00:46.28] nǎo jīn zěn me yàng
[00:47.16] pà tā dāi shǎ bìng
[00:48.55] yǒu dāi shǎ bìng de, yū, shǎ
[00:51.72] zhè xué xiào jiù bù shōu le
[00:53.12] yī nián jí yī kāi xué le
[00:54.87] wǔ shí duō xué shēng sā shǎ zi
[00:56.54] nǐ shuō zěn me bàn ne
[00:59.17] zhè lǎo shī shòu de liǎo me?
[01:01.47] zěn me dé jiǎng, zěn me tí jí a?
[01:03.45] suǒ yǐ yào kǎo
[01:04.77] shǎ, bèn, zhè hái zi jiù bú yào le
[01:06.96] kǎo yě bù kǎo bié de
[01:08.29] jiù wèn wèn
[01:10.30] tiān ān mén zài nǎ a?
[01:11.63] zài běi jīng
[01:12.89] guó qí shén me sè ér?
[01:15.40] hóng... hóng de
[01:16.80] zhè jiù xíng le
[01:17.18] zài suí biàn wèn tā
[01:18.19] nǐ shì nǎ ér zhù
[01:18.97] dì fāng
[01:19.58] nǎ guó rén
[01:20.92] zhōng guó rén
[01:21.72] fǎn zhèng shì zhǐ bù dìng wèn shén me
[01:23.23] zhè xiǎo hái sòng qù
[01:25.21] yě de jiā zhǎng sòng qù
[01:26.54] píng cháng zhè xiǎo hái duō táo qì, duō liào
[01:28.74] nǎ dōu bù pà, nǎ ér dōu bù hán hu
[01:30.14] zhǐ yào shàng xué qù, lǎo shí
[01:31.54] méi yǒu dān qù de
[01:32.64] méi yǒu shuō zhè liù qī suì xiǎo hái
[01:34.82] míng ér bào míng shàng xué
[01:35.90] béng guǎn la, zì jǐ qù ba
[01:37.24] zhè hái zi, bù gǎn, zěn me yě hài pà
[01:40.89] méi jiàn guò xué xiào a
[01:43.15] bù zhī dào zěn me huí shì ér
[01:44.10] bì xū de mā mā péi zhe
[01:45.45] mā mā dài zhe qù
[01:46.59] dào ér shàng hái dé zhǔ fù
[01:47.84] " bié hài pà a, lǎo shī wèn shén me shuō shí mǒ a
[01:50.49] gěi lǎo shī xiān jū gōng a, bié shuō jiào xiǎo hǔ,"
[01:55.70] " jiào ma?"
[01:56.59] " lǐ wén lín"
[01:59.02] " zán yǒu xué míng zì a, lǐ wén lín, bié shuō jiào xiǎo hǔ a,"
[02:02.20] jiù āi gè děng zhe ba
[02:03.75] hǎo ma yí gè yí gè ér de
[02:06.19] děng zhe jiào ne, dōu shì liù qī suì de
[02:07.87] " shuí jiào lǐ wén lín?"
[02:09.26] " kuài qù ba" mā mā tuī tā
[02:11.15] " guò qù, guò qù a, kuài guò qù, gěi lǎo shī xiān jū gōng,"
[02:13.97] zhè hái zi niān niān de guò qù le
[02:16.71] bù gǎn tái tóu, bù gǎn kàn lǎo shī
[02:18.89] bù gǎn gēn lǎo shī duì yǎn, dī xià tou
[02:21.73] xiān jū gè gōng
[02:22.72] " jiào shén me míng zì a"
[02:25.21] " lǐ wén lín"
[02:29.80] " jǐ suì?"
[02:30.50] " qī suì"
[02:32.84] " qù nián jǐ suì a?"
[02:34.34] " qù nián liù suì"
[02:37.21] " shàng sān nián jí shí hòu jǐ suì?"
[02:40.40] " jiǔ suì"
[02:42.59] " xíng a, nǐ bà bà kuài jì?"
[02:46.37] " bú shì, mài yú de"
[02:49.24] " ō zuò mǎi mài, nǐ mā mā shì xué xiào lǎo shī?"
[02:53.74] " bú shì, yě shì mài yú de"
[02:57.13] " yī bǎi jīn yú mài jiǔ shí jǐ jīn hái shèng duō shǎo?"
[02:59.47] " shèng shí jīn"
[03:01.45] " tīng míng bái le ma?
[03:03.14] yī bǎi jīn yú mài jiǔ shí jiǔ jīn, hái shèng duō shǎo?"
[03:07.25] " shí jīn"
[03:08.99] " shèng dé le nà me duō ma?"
[03:11.30] " shèng dé le
[03:12.16] yào wǒ bà bà kàn tān r hái néng shèng dé duō"