| Song | Nutcracker |
| Artist | Straight No Chaser |
| Album | Under the Influence: Holiday Edition |
| Hooray it's Christmas time | |
| But there's one lousy tradition | |
| There's a certain show that you will see | |
| That is all and many would agree | |
| It is time to find another show to substitute for the Nutcracker | |
| I'm watching the game but something's wrong | |
| Staring is my wife her face looks long | |
| I know that look, it must be me | |
| It's not our anniversary | |
| I shrug, no clue | |
| What did I do? | |
| She stands in disbelief | |
| What? | |
| This holiday scene brings no laughter | |
| Forced going to see the Nutcracker | |
| I try to block it from my mind | |
| Think fast, what reason can I find | |
| Got work to do, I'll fake the flu | |
| No chance, I'm done, I'm screwed | |
| I've seen the Nutcracker 20 times | |
| Sure it is fun if you are four | |
| But don't call me a scrooge 'cause it's a bore | |
| The story's dated and that masking thing freaks me out | |
| Well, guess I'm a guy, what can I say? | |
| I'd rather watch football than ballet | |
| I tried my hardest not to groan | |
| And pulled the score up on my phone | |
| As I complained, it's not the same, we're rushing out the door | |
| All holiday shoppers on the road | |
| My holiday spirit might explode | |
| Of course there is no place to park | |
| We're late, the theatres in the dark | |
| In no small feat, we find the seat, the shows about to start | |
| Here's that song from Tetris | |
| And I know it's the part when I fight not to fall asleep | |
| March the wooden soldiers, bunch of mice | |
| Start the fight, land of sweets, man this stuff's trippy | |
| By the way this story makes no sense | |
| Still don't know what it means after all these years | |
| So confusing, feel like snoozing | |
| Eyes are heavy, as I start to dream | |
| Bolt wide awake, must've fallen asleep | |
| Guess I didn't snore or make a peep | |
| 'Cause my wife had no clue I had been out cold | |
| It's the finale coming up | |
| 'Cause there is no beer left in my cup | |
| To make it through I'll need another drink | |
| Snuck out to the lobby, oh look I found a TV | |
| I forgot the game was happening | |
| It's down to the wire, time will soon expire | |
| Down by one this kick would win it | |
| Hut hut! The ball snagged – oh no! | |
| The kick's bad, right, right! | |
| No! We lost | |
| No! How could this night get any worse? | |
| Now I'm feeling all depressed | |
| But I still have to act impressed | |
| A pirouette, oh wow that's great | |
| A six year old could do that too | |
| So my team lose at the bar | |
| Now dancing dudes in leotards | |
| Last Nutcracker hopefully | |
| But my wife's thinking differently | |
| She leans in closely, whispers softly | |
| Can't wait for you to take me next year |
| Hooray it' s Christmas time | |
| But there' s one lousy tradition | |
| There' s a certain show that you will see | |
| That is all and many would agree | |
| It is time to find another show to substitute for the Nutcracker | |
| I' m watching the game but something' s wrong | |
| Staring is my wife her face looks long | |
| I know that look, it must be me | |
| It' s not our anniversary | |
| I shrug, no clue | |
| What did I do? | |
| She stands in disbelief | |
| What? | |
| This holiday scene brings no laughter | |
| Forced going to see the Nutcracker | |
| I try to block it from my mind | |
| Think fast, what reason can I find | |
| Got work to do, I' ll fake the flu | |
| No chance, I' m done, I' m screwed | |
| I' ve seen the Nutcracker 20 times | |
| Sure it is fun if you are four | |
| But don' t call me a scrooge ' cause it' s a bore | |
| The story' s dated and that masking thing freaks me out | |
| Well, guess I' m a guy, what can I say? | |
| I' d rather watch football than ballet | |
| I tried my hardest not to groan | |
| And pulled the score up on my phone | |
| As I complained, it' s not the same, we' re rushing out the door | |
| All holiday shoppers on the road | |
| My holiday spirit might explode | |
| Of course there is no place to park | |
| We' re late, the theatres in the dark | |
| In no small feat, we find the seat, the shows about to start | |
| Here' s that song from Tetris | |
| And I know it' s the part when I fight not to fall asleep | |
| March the wooden soldiers, bunch of mice | |
| Start the fight, land of sweets, man this stuff' s trippy | |
| By the way this story makes no sense | |
| Still don' t know what it means after all these years | |
| So confusing, feel like snoozing | |
| Eyes are heavy, as I start to dream | |
| Bolt wide awake, must' ve fallen asleep | |
| Guess I didn' t snore or make a peep | |
| ' Cause my wife had no clue I had been out cold | |
| It' s the finale coming up | |
| ' Cause there is no beer left in my cup | |
| To make it through I' ll need another drink | |
| Snuck out to the lobby, oh look I found a TV | |
| I forgot the game was happening | |
| It' s down to the wire, time will soon expire | |
| Down by one this kick would win it | |
| Hut hut! The ball snagged oh no! | |
| The kick' s bad, right, right! | |
| No! We lost | |
| No! How could this night get any worse? | |
| Now I' m feeling all depressed | |
| But I still have to act impressed | |
| A pirouette, oh wow that' s great | |
| A six year old could do that too | |
| So my team lose at the bar | |
| Now dancing dudes in leotards | |
| Last Nutcracker hopefully | |
| But my wife' s thinking differently | |
| She leans in closely, whispers softly | |
| Can' t wait for you to take me next year |