AARON Should we continue playing Jewish Geography? 'Cause I can give you like ten more names CASEY We can! I am good at this game Even if I'm not a Jew JEWISH CHORUS Oy vey! Oy vey! AARON I'm sorry, what did you just say? CASEY I said, I'm not a Jew JEWISH CHORUS Oy vey! Oy vey! JEWISH CHORUS This isn't the girl for you This isn't the girl for you Dai dai dai dai dai dai Dai dai Dai dai dai dai dai dai Dai This isn't the girl for you GRANDMA IDA Aaron, bubalah!! AARON Grandma Ida, is that you? GRANDMA IDA That's right! AARON What are you doing here? You're dead I was busy praying At my temple in the sky When I got an urgent message That came straight from adonai! He said, "Ida, it's your grandson He is acting out of line 'Cause he's dating Casey Clark Instead of dating Sarah Stein!" I begged, "Yahweh, send me to him! I have wisdom to impart! Plus my grandson Aaron loves me, And he'd never break my heart I can make the pischer understand The error of his ways Even I once schtupped a schvartza It was just a passing phase!" JEWISH CHORUS Eh, the schvartza was a phase! GRANDMA IDA So listen to me, boychik You're a mensch who's been endowed With brains and looks and talent - I could plotz, I'm just so proud! But though I cut you slack When you did not return my calls, If you wed this little tsatskeleh I'll break your matzah *****! JEWISH CHORUS This isn't the girl for you! - Oy oy oy! This isn't the girl for you! - a goy goy goy! GRANDMA IDA She considers jesus boss And thinks you nailed him to the cross! GRANDMA IDA & JEWISH CHORUS This isn't the girl for you! Not for you, not for you - hey! Not for you - hey! She's not for you! CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER Aaron? AARON Whoa! And who are you? CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER I'm Casey's father!Her very disapproving, very Christian father! And Aaron CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER You are ruining my daughter's life Never thought my baby'd be a hebrew's wife Why would people called "The chosen ones" Choose to wear strange hats And circumcise their sons? CHURCH CHOIR & GRANDMA IDA Circumcise their sons! CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER You don't know the holy trinity Or the joy felt when you trim a christmas tree And since you cannot sing "The first noel" Jesus christ won't save you From the gates of hell CHURCH CHOIR & GRANDMA IDA You'll go straight to hell! Hallelujah! CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER Every angel sings for the easter bunny And the eggs he brings CHURCH CHOIR & GRANDMA IDA Hallelujah! CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER Christians pass the test We are not semitic Therefore we are blessed EVERYONE This isn't the girl for you CHURCH CHOIR Ahhh! EVERYONE This isn't the girl for you CHURCH CHOIR Ahhh! CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER How can I stay cool and calm When you don't praise the virgin mom? EVERYONE This isn't the girl for you! AARON'S FUTURE SON Yo, Dad, whatsup? AARON Uhh, I'm sorry - "Dad"? AARON'S FUTURE SON What, you don't recognize me? I'm yours and Casey's future son And I'm, like, beyond messed up So - thanks for that You got me so confused I don't know which way to choose Do I celebrate christmas or chanukan? Either way, I lose 'Cause I don't know what to believe in With the mixed signals I'm receivin' Now, I don't fit into a box I'm strung out with doubt and I can't detox Should I live life for the moment? Or should I kneel and repent? Do I believe the messiah's comin' Or came and went? I'm stuck and It's ****in' depressin' From all this perpetual guessin' Don't mean to be preachy But like nietzsche the nihilist I'm thinkin' that God don't exist Do I cry at schindler's list Or weep at the passion of the Christ?! Both! Should I shop retail When there is no sale Or kvetch that It's all overpriced?! I'm gonna haunt you like a poltergeist! My whole identity you're sacrieiced! EVERYONE Why didn't you use a ******?! GRANDMA IDA Aaron EVERYONE This isn't the girl for you! AARON'S FUTURE SON Not not for you! EVERYONE This isn't the girl for you! AARON'S FUTURE SON So true! So true! Six thousand years of history Are restin' on your head GRANDMA IDA If you married her You'd kill me were I not already dead! CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER I won't have my grandkids raised on bagels, Lox and cream cheese spread GRANDMA IDA & CASEY'S Christian father Now let's review AARON'S FUTURE SON She's not a jew! EVERYONE So this isn't the girl for you! GRANDMA IDA A shayna maydl but she doesn't spin the dreidel! EVERYONE So this isn't the girl for you! Hey!