Colin Zeal knows the value of mass appeal
 He's a pedestrian walker, he's a civil talker
 He's an affable man with a plausible plan
 Keeps his eye on the news, keeps his future in hand
 
 And then he...
 
 Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
 Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
 He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
 He's so pleased with himself, ah ha
 
 While sitting in traffic, Colin thinks in automatic
 He's an immaculate dresser, he's your common aggressor
 He's a modern retard with a love of bombast
 Keeps his eye on the news, doesn't dwells on the past
 
 And then he...
 
 Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
 Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
 He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
 He's so pleased with himself, ah ha
 He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
 He's so pleased with himself, ah ha
 
 And then he...
 
 Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
 Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
 He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
 He's so pleased with himself, ah ha
 He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
 He's so pleased with himself, ah ha
 He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
 He's so pleased with himself, ah ha 
 He's pleased with himself, he's so pleased with himself
 He's so pleased with himself, ah ha
 
 
 He's a modern retard, he's terminal lard
 He's an affable man, with a carrotene tan
 Because Colin Zeal's ill
 Colin Zeal's ill
 Colin Zeal's ill)
 
 'Cos Colin Zeal knows