Who, when you win Will always give your back a pat
What, in all in heaven, Can have prompted her to go?
After such a triumph at the ball?
What could have depressed her? What could have possessed her?
l cannot understand The wretch at all
Women are irrational That's all there is to that
Their heads are full of cotton Hay and rags
They're nothing but exasperating lrritating, vacillating
Calculating, agitating, maddening And infuriating hags
(P:Of course not.
Pickering,
why can't a woman be more like a man?
(P:l beg your pardon?
Yes, why can't a woman Be more like a man?
Men are so honest So thoroughly square
Eternally noble, historically fair
Well, why can't a woman Be like that?
Why does everyone Do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn To use her head?
Why do they do everything Their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up Well, like their father instead?
Why can't a woman Take after a man?
Men are so pleasant So easy to please
Whenever you're with them You're always at ease
Would you be slighted lf I didn't speak for hours?
Would you be livid lf l had a drink or two?
(P: Nonsense.
Would you be wounded lf I never sent you flowers?
(P:Never.
Well, why can't a woman Be like you?
One man in a million May shout a bit100
Now and then There's one with slight defects
One, perhaps, whose truthfulness You doubt a bit
But by and large We are a marvelous ***
Why can't a woman Take after a man?
Because men are so friendly Good-natured and kind
A better companion You never will find
lf l were hours late for dinner Would you bellow?
(P:Of course not.
lf I forgot your silly birthday Would you fuss?
(P:Nonsense.
Would you complain lf l took out another fellow?
(P:Never.
Well, why can't a woman Be like us?
Why can't a woman Be more like a man?
Men are so decent Such regular chaps
Ready to help you Through any mishaps
Ready to buck you up Whenever you are glum
Why can't a woman be a chum?
Why is thinking Something women never do?
Why is logic never even tried?
Straightening up their hair Is all they ever do
Why don't they straighten up The mess that's inside?
Why can't a woman Behave like a man?
lf l was a woman Who'd been to a ball
Been hailed as a princess By one and by all
Would l start weeping Like a bathtub overflowing?
Or carry on As if my home were in a tree?
Would l run off And never tell me where l'm going?
Why can't a woman be like me?