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Personal Column - Jake Thackray |
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Right behind the headlines of the papers |
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There's a space entitled Personal |
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And since I'm young and sensitive |
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It's always there I turn to first of all |
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For in between the vibro-massage sauna baths |
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The rubber goods the corsetry |
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Someone sends a message |
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That is classified as advertising Agony |
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Agony will always find a way |
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You read there every day |
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True-life love stories taken short |
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Agony at seven-and-a-kick a time |
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A stifled sob a line |
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A list of breaking hearts and surgical supports |
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"Molly will you please come home |
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I miss you Will you please forgive me |
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I love you very much |
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And I am sorry for what I did Love Sidney " |
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"Artistic photographs plain paper covers |
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Fifty-nine-and-sixpence postage free " |
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"Unsightly hair on arms and legs |
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And faces is removed quite painlessly " |
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Who knows if wayward Molly will return |
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Does Sidney really yearn |
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And if he does does Molly care |
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What quarrel set them at each other's throats |
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Did Sidney send for postcards through the post |
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Or did Molly grow superfluous hair everywhere |
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"Widow 46 would like sophisticated gentleman to contact her |
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Similar interests and with a view to friendliness |
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Motor car preferred " |
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"Mrs Ivy Armitage thanks all her friends for kindnesses |
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When times were hard " |
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And "The Honorable Dicky Cholmondley |
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Is not sending anybody any Christmas cards " |
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"Dynamic methods Strengthen and Refine |
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The Power of your Mind" |
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In case your memories are none too good; |
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And if you cannot manage on your own |
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Take out a personal loan |
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There's no security it's understood |
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"Seven days' free trial for an anti-nuclear shelter |
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No obligations at all " |
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And there's news of debutantes coming out with |
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All the customary Belgrave balls |
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Ten shillings reward: Box No 33 |
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Has gone and lost her budgerigar |
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"Happy Birthday darling Sheila |
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From your Mummy and your Daddy |
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Wherever you are " |
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Right behind the headlines of the papers |
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There's a space entitled Personal |
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And for those who get the agony |
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That's the place to turn to first of all |