I saw it advertised one day
 Bear Mountain picnic was comin’ my way
 “Come along ’n’ take a trip
 We’ll bring you up there on a ship
 Bring the wife and kids
 Bring the whole family”
 Yippee!
 
 Well, I run right down ’n’ bought a ticket
 To this Bear Mountain Picnic
 But little did I realize
 I was in for a picnic surprise
 Had nothin’ to do with mountains
 I didn’t even come close to a bear
 
 Took the wife ’n’ kids down to the pier
 Six thousand people there
 Everybody had a ticket for the trip
 “Oh well,” I said, “it’s a pretty big ship
 Besides, anyway, the more the merrier”
 
 Well, we all got on ’n’ what d’ya think
 That big old boat started t’ sink
 More people kept a-pilin’ on
 That old ship was a-slowly goin’ down
 Funny way t’ start a picnic
 
 Well, I soon lost track of m’ kids ’n’ wife
 So many people there I never saw in m’ life
 That old ship sinkin’ down in the water
 Six thousand people tryin’ t’ kill each other
 Dogs a-barkin’, cats a-meowin’
 Women screamin’, fists a-flyin’, babies cryin’
 Cops a-comin’, me a-runnin’
 Maybe we just better call off the picnic
 
 I got shoved down ’n’ pushed around
 All I could hear there was a screamin’ sound
 Don’t remember one thing more
 Just remember wakin’ up on a little shore
 Head busted, stomach cracked
 Feet splintered, I was bald, naked . . .
 Quite lucky to be alive though
 
 Feelin’ like I climbed outa m’ casket
 I grabbed back hold of m’ picnic basket
 Took the wife ’n’ kids ’n’ started home
 Wishin’ I’d never got up that morn
 
 Now, I don’t care just what you do
 If you wanta have a picnic, that’s up t’ you
 But don’t tell me about it, I don’t wanta hear it
 ’Cause, see, I just lost all m’ picnic spirit
 Stay in m’ kitchen, have m’ own picnic . . .
 In the bathroom
 
 Now, it don’t seem to me quite so funny
 What some people are gonna do f’r money
 There’s a bran’ new gimmick every day
 Just t’ take somebody’s money away
 I think we oughta take some o’ these people
 And put ’em on a boat, send ’em up to Bear Mountain . . .
 For a picnic