[00:00.000] 作词 : Steve Martin
[00:00.094] 作曲 : Steve Martin
[00:00.189]But I'll be honest with you.
[00:02.582]You probably read it in Screw Up Your Life Mag--
[00:05.236]I mean People's Magazine--anyway,
[00:08.950]I used to smoke m*******a
[00:19.047]but I tell you something.
[00:20.109]I would only smoke it in the late evening.
[00:23.566]Oh, occasionally the early evening,
[00:25.157]but usually the late evening or the mid-evening.
[00:28.614]So I just had the early evening, mid-evening
[00:33.924]and occasionally early afternoon or the mid-afternoon,
[00:38.436]or perhaps the late mid-afternoon.
[00:42.694]Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning,
[00:46.412]but never at dusk, never at dusk. I would never do that.
[00:51.453]Okay, hey Grandpa bought a rubber.
[01:06.771]I feel sorry for women and I'll tell you why.
[01:09.699]Because so many men think they're into this weird sex
[01:13.684]and I'm sorry that there's something wrong about that,
[01:17.139]and I wouldn't have said that.
[01:18.467]But six months ago I met a girl, she was taking singing lessons
[01:21.915]and her coach, 84-year-old guy,
[01:24.570]you think it'd be the last guy in the world to be weird,
[01:27.762]but listen to this.
[01:33.336]He kept wanting her to sing from her diaphragm.
[01:51.328]I mean, that would take years to learn, wouldn't it?
[01:59.560]Now this doesn't happen very often.
[02:02.751]But about three weeks ago, I met a girl,
[02:04.081]she was real nice, and she invited me to her apartment.
[02:07.263]So I went over there and she had the best p***y I have ever seen.
[02:14.430]Oh now come on.
[02:17.887]I'm talking about her cat! Now that makes me sick right there!
[02:27.650]You can't say anything anymore that people don't take it dirty
[02:30.308]and I'm sorry that disgusts me.
[02:34.561]That cat was the best **** I ever heard.