Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man
The kind of man you'd never disrespect
He stood 8 foot tall, wore glasses
And he had a third nipple on the back of his neck
He ate his own weight in coal
And excreted diamonds every day
He could throw you down a flight of stairs
But you still would love him anyway
Yeah, you know you'd love him anyway

Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France
With two flat tires and a missin' chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry
I'm tellin' you the man was insane
He could rip out your beatin' heart
And show it to you right before you died
Every day he'd make the host of Match Game
Give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, a two-hour piggyback ride
Giddyup, Gene!

Ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser beam eyes
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
He had his very own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee
Oh yeah
Oh yeah, that was somethin' to see, I tell ya
Charles Nelson Reilly sold his toenail clippings
As a potent aphrodisiac
He ran a four minute mile blindfolded
With an engine block strapped to his back
He could eat more frozen waffles
Than any other man I know
Once he fell off the Chrysler building
And he barely even stubbed his toe
Had a tiny little scratch on his toe
Didn't even hurt

Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion
But he never ever told a soul
I've seen the man unhinge his jaw
And swallow a Volkswagen whole
He'd bash your face in with a shovel
If you didn't treat him like a star
'Cause you can spit in the wind or tug on Superman's cape
But Lord knows you just don't mess around with CNR

No no no
Talkin' bout CNR
Ohh