| Song | The Gift |
| Artist | The Velvet Underground |
| Album | White Light / White Heat |
| [00:02.060] | Waldo Jeffers had reached his limit. |
| [00:04.560] | It was now Mid-August |
| [00:06.230] | Which meant he had been separated from Marsha for more than two months. |
| [00:10.360] | Two months, and all he had to show was three dog-eared letters |
| [00:13.700] | And two very expensive long-distance phone calls. |
| [00:16.940] | True, when school had ended and she'd returned to Wisconsin, |
| [00:20.040] | And he to Locust, Pennsylvania, |
| [00:22.340] | She had sworn to maintain a certain fidelity. |
| [00:25.380] | She would date occasionally, but merely as amusement. |
| [00:29.160] | She would remain faithful |
| [00:31.620] | |
| [00:34.400] | He had trouble sleeping at night |
| [00:36.660] | And when he did, he had horrible dreams. |
| [00:39.810] | He lay awake at night, |
| [00:41.570] | Tossing and turning underneath his pleated quilt protector, |
| [00:45.260] | Tears welling in his eyes as he pictured Marsha, |
| [00:48.670] | Her sworn vows overcome by liquor and the smooth soothing of some neanderthal, |
| [00:54.350] | Finally submitting to the final caresses of sexual oblivion. |
| [00:59.040] | It was more than the human mind could bear |
| [01:02.120] | Visions of Marsha's faithlessness haunted him.Marsha |
| [01:05.240] | Daytime fantasies of sexual abandon permeated his thoughts. |
| [01:09.280] | And the thing was, they wouldn't understand how she really was. |
| [01:13.810] | He, Waldo, alone understood this. |
| [01:16.640] | He had intuitively grasped every nook and cranny of her psyche. |
| [01:20.590] | He had made her smile. |
| [01:22.530] | She needed him, and he wasn't there. (Awww...) |
| [01:25.930] | The idea came to him on the Thursday |
| [01:27.630] | Before the Mummers' Parade was scheduled to appear. |
| [01:30.520] | He'd just finished mowing and edging the Edelsons lawn for a dollar fifty |
| [01:33.860] | And had checked the mailbox to see if there was at least a word from Marsha. |
| [01:37.940] | There was nothing but a circular |
| [01:39.500] | From the Amalgamated Aluminum Company Of America |
| [01:41.440] | Inquiring into his awing needs. |
| [01:44.030] | At least they cared enough to write |
| [01:46.370] | It was a New York company. |
| [01:48.560] | You could go anywhere in the mails. |
| [01:51.010] | Then it struck him. |
| [01:52.850] | He didn't have enough money to go to Wisconsin in the accepted fashion, |
| [01:55.840] | True, but why not mail himself? |
| [01:58.890] | It was absurdly simple. |
| [02:00.660] | He would ship himself parcel post, special delivery. |
| [02:04.160] | The next day Waldo went to the supermarket |
| [02:06.330] | To purchase the necessary equipment. |
| [02:08.730] | He bought masking tape, a staple gun |
| [02:11.010] | And a medium sized cardboard box just right for a person of his build. |
| [02:15.250] | He judged that with a minimum of jostling he could ride quite comfortably. |
| [02:19.140] | A few airholes, some water, perhaps some midnight snacks, |
| [02:22.770] | And it would probably be as good as going tourist! |
| [02:26.170] | By Friday afternoon, Waldo was set. |
| [02:28.770] | He was thoroughly packed and the Post Office had agreed |
| [02:30.790] | To pick him up at three o'clock. |
| [02:32.880] | He'd marked the package "Fragile", |
| [02:34.560] | And as he sat curled up inside, |
| [02:36.300] | Resting on the foam rubber cushioning he'd thoughtfully included, |
| [02:39.450] | He tried to picture the look of awe and happiness on Marshas face |
| [02:42.450] | As she opened her door, saw the package, tipped the deliverer, |
| [02:46.080] | And then opened it to see her Waldo finally there in person. |
| [02:50.070] | She would kiss him, and then maybe they could see a movie. |
| [02:54.020] | If he'd only thought of this before. |
| [02:56.670] | Suddenly rough hands gripped his package and he felt himself borne up. |
| [03:01.160] | He landed with a thud in a truck and was off |
| [03:04.640] | Marsha Bronson had just finished setting her hair. |
| [03:07.630] | It had been a very rough weekend. |
| [03:10.360] | She had to remember not to drink like that. |
| [03:13.360] | Bill had been nice about it though. |
| [03:15.350] | After it was over he'd said he still respected her and, after all, |
| [03:18.740] | It was certainly the way of nature, |
| [03:20.860] | And even though, no, he didn't love her, |
| [03:23.250] | He did feel an affection for her. |
| [03:26.050] | And after all, they were grown adults. |
| [03:28.840] | Oh, what Bill could teach Waldo! |
| [03:31.520] | But that seemed many years ago |
| [03:34.460] | Sheila Klein, her very, very best friend, |
| [03:37.360] | Walked in through the porch screen door and into the kitchen. |
| [03:41.440] | "Oh gawd, it's absolutely maudlin outside."“ |
| [03:44.520] | "Ach, I know what you mean, I feel all icky!"“ |
| [03:48.760] | Marsha tightened the belt on her cotton robe with the silk outer edge. |
| [03:52.410] | Sheila ran her finger over some salt grains on the kitchen table, |
| [03:56.050] | Licked her finger and made a face |
| [03:58.650] | "I'm supposed to be taking these salt pills,but," “ |
| [04:00.630] | She wrinkled her nose, "they make me feel like throwing up." |
| [04:04.920] | Marsha started to pat herself under the chin, Marsha |
| [04:07.460] | An exercise she'd seen on television |
| [04:10.100] | "God, don't even talk about that."“ |
| [04:12.650] | She got up from the table and went to the sink |
| [04:14.340] | Where she picked up a bottle of pink and blue vitamins. |
| [04:17.240] | "Want one? Supposed to be better than Stick," |
| [04:19.430] | And then attempted to touch her knees. |
| [04:21.870] | "I don't think I'll ever touch a daiquiri again."“ |
| [04:25.060] | She gave up and sat down, |
| [04:26.650] | This time nearer the small table that supported the telephone. |
| [04:30.190] | "Maybe Bill'll call," she said to Sheila's glance. “ |
| [04:33.740] | Sheila nibbled on a cuticle， |
| [04:36.080] | "After last night, I thought maybe you'd be through with him."“ |
| [04:39.620] | "I know what you mean. My God, he was like an octopus. “ |
| [04:42.350] | Hands all over the place." |
| [04:44.460] | She gestured, raising her arms upwards in defense. |
| [04:47.210] | "The thing is, after a while, you get tired of fighting with him, you know, “ |
| [04:50.500] | And after all I didn't really do anything Friday and Saturday |
| [04:53.540] | So I kind of owed it to him. You know what I mean." |
| [04:56.300] | She started to scratch. Sheila was giggling with her hand over her mouth |
| [05:01.010] | "I'll tell you, I felt the same way, and even after a while," “ |
| [05:04.440] | Here she bent forward in a whisper, |
| [05:06.290] | "I wanted to!" Now she was laughing very loudly“ |
| [05:10.520] | It was at this point that Mr. Jameson of the Clarence Darrow Post Office |
| [05:14.120] | Rang the doorbell of the large stucco colored frame house. |
| [05:17.750] | When Marsha Bronson opened the door, he helped her carry the package in. |
| [05:21.190] | He had his yellow and his green slips of paper signed |
| [05:24.090] | And left with a fifteen cent tip |
| [05:25.680] | That Marsha had gotten out of her mother's small beige pocketbook in the den |
| [05:30.010] | "What do you think it is?" Sheila asked.“ |
| [05:32.600] | Marsha stood with her arms folded behind her back. |
| [05:35.390] | She stared at the brown cardboard carton |
| [05:37.490] | That sat in the middle of the living room |
| [05:39.430] | "I dunno."“ |
| [05:41.270] | Inside the package, Waldo quivered with excitement |
| [05:44.540] | As he listened to the muffled voices. |
| [05:46.780] | Sheila ran her fingernail over the masking tape that ran down the center of the carton. |
| [05:51.380] | "Why don't you look at the return address and see who it's from?" “ |
| [05:55.110] | Waldo felt his heart beating. |
| [05:57.160] | He could feel the vibrating footsteps. |
| [05:59.070] | It would be soon |
| [06:01.810] | Marsha walked around the carton and read the ink-scratched label. |
| [06:05.450] | "Ah, god it's from Waldo!"“ |
| [06:08.140] | "That schmuck!" said Sheila. “ |
| [06:10.690] | Waldo trembled with expectation. |
| [06:13.590] | "Well, you might as well open it," said Sheila. “ |
| [06:16.080] | Both of them tried to lift the staple flap |
| [06:19.280] | "Ah sst," said Marsha, groaning, "he must have nailed it shut." |
| [06:23.850] | They tugged on the flap again. |
| [06:26.100] | "My God, you need a power drill to get this thing open!" “ |
| [06:29.840] | They pulled again. "You can't get a grip." |
| [06:34.760] | They both stood still, breathing heavily |
| [06:38.150] | "Why don't you get a scissor," said Sheila. “ |
| [06:41.030] | Marsha ran into the kitchen, |
| [06:42.820] | But all she could find was a little sewing scissor. |
| [06:45.960] | Then she remembered that her father |
| [06:47.410] | kept a collection of tools in the basement. |
| [06:49.700] | She ran downstairs, and when she came back up, |
| [06:52.100] | She had a large sheet metal cutter in her hand. |
| [06:55.090] | "This is the best I could find." She was very out of breath. “ |
| [06:58.330] | "Here, you do it. I-I'm gonna die." |
| [07:01.320] | She sank into a large fluffy couch and exhaled noisily. |
| [07:06.100] | Sheila tried to make a slit between the masking tape |
| [07:08.790] | And the end of the cardboard flap, |
| [07:10.630] | But the blade was too big and there wasn't enough room |
| [07:13.820] | "God damn this thing!" she said feeling very exasperated. “ |
| [07:17.710] | Then smiling, "I got an idea." |
| [07:20.700] | "What?" said Marsha“ |
| [07:22.040] | "Just watch," said Sheila, touching her finger to her head“ |
| [07:25.330] | Inside the package, Waldo was so transfixed with excitement |
| [07:29.120] | That he could barely breathe. |
| [07:31.410] | His skin felt prickly from the heat, |
| [07:33.710] | And he could feel his heart beating in his throat. |
| [07:36.490] | It would be soon. |
| [07:38.930] | Sheila stood quite upright |
| [07:41.100] | And walked around to the other side of the package. |
| [07:43.940] | Then she sank down to her knees, grasped the cutter by both handles, |
| [07:48.290] | Took a deep breath, |
| [07:49.630] | And plunged the long blade through the middle of the package, |
| [07:52.520] | Through the masking tape, through the cardboard, |
| [07:54.910] | Through the cushioning |
| [07:55.610] | And (thud) right through the center of Waldo Jeffers head, （ |
| [07:59.840] | Which split slightly and caused little rhythmic arcs of red |
| [08:03.080] | To pulsate gently in the morning sun |
| [00:02.060] | Waldo Jeffers had reached his limit. |
| [00:04.560] | It was now MidAugust |
| [00:06.230] | Which meant he had been separated from Marsha for more than two months. |
| [00:10.360] | Two months, and all he had to show was three dogeared letters |
| [00:13.700] | And two very expensive longdistance phone calls. |
| [00:16.940] | True, when school had ended and she' d returned to Wisconsin, |
| [00:20.040] | And he to Locust, Pennsylvania, |
| [00:22.340] | She had sworn to maintain a certain fidelity. |
| [00:25.380] | She would date occasionally, but merely as amusement. |
| [00:29.160] | She would remain faithful |
| [00:31.620] | |
| [00:34.400] | He had trouble sleeping at night |
| [00:36.660] | And when he did, he had horrible dreams. |
| [00:39.810] | He lay awake at night, |
| [00:41.570] | Tossing and turning underneath his pleated quilt protector, |
| [00:45.260] | Tears welling in his eyes as he pictured Marsha, |
| [00:48.670] | Her sworn vows overcome by liquor and the smooth soothing of some neanderthal, |
| [00:54.350] | Finally submitting to the final caresses of sexual oblivion. |
| [00:59.040] | It was more than the human mind could bear |
| [01:02.120] | Visions of Marsha' s faithlessness haunted him. Marsha |
| [01:05.240] | Daytime fantasies of sexual abandon permeated his thoughts. |
| [01:09.280] | And the thing was, they wouldn' t understand how she really was. |
| [01:13.810] | He, Waldo, alone understood this. |
| [01:16.640] | He had intuitively grasped every nook and cranny of her psyche. |
| [01:20.590] | He had made her smile. |
| [01:22.530] | She needed him, and he wasn' t there. Awww... |
| [01:25.930] | The idea came to him on the Thursday |
| [01:27.630] | Before the Mummers' Parade was scheduled to appear. |
| [01:30.520] | He' d just finished mowing and edging the Edelsons lawn for a dollar fifty |
| [01:33.860] | And had checked the mailbox to see if there was at least a word from Marsha. |
| [01:37.940] | There was nothing but a circular |
| [01:39.500] | From the Amalgamated Aluminum Company Of America |
| [01:41.440] | Inquiring into his awing needs. |
| [01:44.030] | At least they cared enough to write |
| [01:46.370] | It was a New York company. |
| [01:48.560] | You could go anywhere in the mails. |
| [01:51.010] | Then it struck him. |
| [01:52.850] | He didn' t have enough money to go to Wisconsin in the accepted fashion, |
| [01:55.840] | True, but why not mail himself? |
| [01:58.890] | It was absurdly simple. |
| [02:00.660] | He would ship himself parcel post, special delivery. |
| [02:04.160] | The next day Waldo went to the supermarket |
| [02:06.330] | To purchase the necessary equipment. |
| [02:08.730] | He bought masking tape, a staple gun |
| [02:11.010] | And a medium sized cardboard box just right for a person of his build. |
| [02:15.250] | He judged that with a minimum of jostling he could ride quite comfortably. |
| [02:19.140] | A few airholes, some water, perhaps some midnight snacks, |
| [02:22.770] | And it would probably be as good as going tourist! |
| [02:26.170] | By Friday afternoon, Waldo was set. |
| [02:28.770] | He was thoroughly packed and the Post Office had agreed |
| [02:30.790] | To pick him up at three o' clock. |
| [02:32.880] | He' d marked the package " Fragile", |
| [02:34.560] | And as he sat curled up inside, |
| [02:36.300] | Resting on the foam rubber cushioning he' d thoughtfully included, |
| [02:39.450] | He tried to picture the look of awe and happiness on Marshas face |
| [02:42.450] | As she opened her door, saw the package, tipped the deliverer, |
| [02:46.080] | And then opened it to see her Waldo finally there in person. |
| [02:50.070] | She would kiss him, and then maybe they could see a movie. |
| [02:54.020] | If he' d only thought of this before. |
| [02:56.670] | Suddenly rough hands gripped his package and he felt himself borne up. |
| [03:01.160] | He landed with a thud in a truck and was off |
| [03:04.640] | Marsha Bronson had just finished setting her hair. |
| [03:07.630] | It had been a very rough weekend. |
| [03:10.360] | She had to remember not to drink like that. |
| [03:13.360] | Bill had been nice about it though. |
| [03:15.350] | After it was over he' d said he still respected her and, after all, |
| [03:18.740] | It was certainly the way of nature, |
| [03:20.860] | And even though, no, he didn' t love her, |
| [03:23.250] | He did feel an affection for her. |
| [03:26.050] | And after all, they were grown adults. |
| [03:28.840] | Oh, what Bill could teach Waldo! |
| [03:31.520] | But that seemed many years ago |
| [03:34.460] | Sheila Klein, her very, very best friend, |
| [03:37.360] | Walked in through the porch screen door and into the kitchen. |
| [03:41.440] | " Oh gawd, it' s absolutely maudlin outside."" |
| [03:44.520] | " Ach, I know what you mean, I feel all icky!"" |
| [03:48.760] | Marsha tightened the belt on her cotton robe with the silk outer edge. |
| [03:52.410] | Sheila ran her finger over some salt grains on the kitchen table, |
| [03:56.050] | Licked her finger and made a face |
| [03:58.650] | " I' m supposed to be taking these salt pills, but," " |
| [04:00.630] | She wrinkled her nose, " they make me feel like throwing up." |
| [04:04.920] | Marsha started to pat herself under the chin, Marsha |
| [04:07.460] | An exercise she' d seen on television |
| [04:10.100] | " God, don' t even talk about that."" |
| [04:12.650] | She got up from the table and went to the sink |
| [04:14.340] | Where she picked up a bottle of pink and blue vitamins. |
| [04:17.240] | " Want one? Supposed to be better than Stick," |
| [04:19.430] | And then attempted to touch her knees. |
| [04:21.870] | " I don' t think I' ll ever touch a daiquiri again."" |
| [04:25.060] | She gave up and sat down, |
| [04:26.650] | This time nearer the small table that supported the telephone. |
| [04:30.190] | " Maybe Bill' ll call," she said to Sheila' s glance. " |
| [04:33.740] | Sheila nibbled on a cuticle, |
| [04:36.080] | " After last night, I thought maybe you' d be through with him."" |
| [04:39.620] | " I know what you mean. My God, he was like an octopus. " |
| [04:42.350] | Hands all over the place." |
| [04:44.460] | She gestured, raising her arms upwards in defense. |
| [04:47.210] | " The thing is, after a while, you get tired of fighting with him, you know, " |
| [04:50.500] | And after all I didn' t really do anything Friday and Saturday |
| [04:53.540] | So I kind of owed it to him. You know what I mean." |
| [04:56.300] | She started to scratch. Sheila was giggling with her hand over her mouth |
| [05:01.010] | " I' ll tell you, I felt the same way, and even after a while," " |
| [05:04.440] | Here she bent forward in a whisper, |
| [05:06.290] | " I wanted to!" Now she was laughing very loudly" |
| [05:10.520] | It was at this point that Mr. Jameson of the Clarence Darrow Post Office |
| [05:14.120] | Rang the doorbell of the large stucco colored frame house. |
| [05:17.750] | When Marsha Bronson opened the door, he helped her carry the package in. |
| [05:21.190] | He had his yellow and his green slips of paper signed |
| [05:24.090] | And left with a fifteen cent tip |
| [05:25.680] | That Marsha had gotten out of her mother' s small beige pocketbook in the den |
| [05:30.010] | " What do you think it is?" Sheila asked." |
| [05:32.600] | Marsha stood with her arms folded behind her back. |
| [05:35.390] | She stared at the brown cardboard carton |
| [05:37.490] | That sat in the middle of the living room |
| [05:39.430] | " I dunno."" |
| [05:41.270] | Inside the package, Waldo quivered with excitement |
| [05:44.540] | As he listened to the muffled voices. |
| [05:46.780] | Sheila ran her fingernail over the masking tape that ran down the center of the carton. |
| [05:51.380] | " Why don' t you look at the return address and see who it' s from?" " |
| [05:55.110] | Waldo felt his heart beating. |
| [05:57.160] | He could feel the vibrating footsteps. |
| [05:59.070] | It would be soon |
| [06:01.810] | Marsha walked around the carton and read the inkscratched label. |
| [06:05.450] | " Ah, god it' s from Waldo!"" |
| [06:08.140] | " That schmuck!" said Sheila. " |
| [06:10.690] | Waldo trembled with expectation. |
| [06:13.590] | " Well, you might as well open it," said Sheila. " |
| [06:16.080] | Both of them tried to lift the staple flap |
| [06:19.280] | " Ah sst," said Marsha, groaning, " he must have nailed it shut." |
| [06:23.850] | They tugged on the flap again. |
| [06:26.100] | " My God, you need a power drill to get this thing open!" " |
| [06:29.840] | They pulled again. " You can' t get a grip." |
| [06:34.760] | They both stood still, breathing heavily |
| [06:38.150] | " Why don' t you get a scissor," said Sheila. " |
| [06:41.030] | Marsha ran into the kitchen, |
| [06:42.820] | But all she could find was a little sewing scissor. |
| [06:45.960] | Then she remembered that her father |
| [06:47.410] | kept a collection of tools in the basement. |
| [06:49.700] | She ran downstairs, and when she came back up, |
| [06:52.100] | She had a large sheet metal cutter in her hand. |
| [06:55.090] | " This is the best I could find." She was very out of breath. " |
| [06:58.330] | " Here, you do it. II' m gonna die." |
| [07:01.320] | She sank into a large fluffy couch and exhaled noisily. |
| [07:06.100] | Sheila tried to make a slit between the masking tape |
| [07:08.790] | And the end of the cardboard flap, |
| [07:10.630] | But the blade was too big and there wasn' t enough room |
| [07:13.820] | " God damn this thing!" she said feeling very exasperated. " |
| [07:17.710] | Then smiling, " I got an idea." |
| [07:20.700] | " What?" said Marsha" |
| [07:22.040] | " Just watch," said Sheila, touching her finger to her head" |
| [07:25.330] | Inside the package, Waldo was so transfixed with excitement |
| [07:29.120] | That he could barely breathe. |
| [07:31.410] | His skin felt prickly from the heat, |
| [07:33.710] | And he could feel his heart beating in his throat. |
| [07:36.490] | It would be soon. |
| [07:38.930] | Sheila stood quite upright |
| [07:41.100] | And walked around to the other side of the package. |
| [07:43.940] | Then she sank down to her knees, grasped the cutter by both handles, |
| [07:48.290] | Took a deep breath, |
| [07:49.630] | And plunged the long blade through the middle of the package, |
| [07:52.520] | Through the masking tape, through the cardboard, |
| [07:54.910] | Through the cushioning |
| [07:55.610] | And thud right through the center of Waldo Jeffers head, |
| [07:59.840] | Which split slightly and caused little rhythmic arcs of red |
| [08:03.080] | To pulsate gently in the morning sun |