“Ah, dearly beloved,
We’re gathered up in here today to join in holy monogamy
This here feller and this ol’ gal that he brought with him.”

The weddin’ chapel couldn’t get more packed
The love birds were dressed in white and black
The preacher turned to the groom and asked
Him to slip the ring on her left hand
He turned to his best man and said

Hold my beer
This won’t take long
And I want it back
And I don’t want it gone
I trust ya, buddy, here
Hold my beer

“I now pronounce you, ‘Ya’ll’.”

They cut the cake and they poured champagne
They macarana’d and formed a train
But it crashed right into the groom’s old flame
As she came crashin’ in
The new bride just kinda grinned and said

Hold my beer
This won’t take long
And I want it back
And I don’t want it gone
I trust ya, honey, here
Hold my beer

When the catfight broke up
The band broke into some Haggard and Hank and some Cash
When somebody’s cousin that nobody knew
Yelled, “What’s with this hillbilly crap?”
You could’ve heard a pin drop
And then

Hold my beer
This won’t take long
And I want it back
And I don’t want it gone
Somebody,
Hold my beer
This won’t take long
And I want it back
And I don’t want it gone
I trust ya, buddy, here
Hold my beer

“Yeah, no, no just hold it.
No, I wasn’t givin’ it for you to drink.
No. It’s gone now.
Never ask the preacher to hold your beer.”