When I woke up this morning, things were lookin' bad
Seem like total silence was the only friend I had
Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down and won
And it was twelve o'clock before I realized
That I was havin', no fun

Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone
No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun

Last time I checked my bankroll, it was gettin' thin
Sometimes it seems like the bottom
Is the only place I've been
Chased a rainbow down a one-way street, dead end
And all my friends turned out to be insurance salesmen

Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone
No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun

Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls
Tryin' to get away from all the ears inside my walls
I dreamed the police heard
Everything I thought, what then?
Well I went to court and the judge's name was Hoffman

Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone
No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun
Well done, hot dog bun, my sister's a nun