| Song | Whiteness Thy Name Is Meltonian |
| Artist | Half Man Half Biscuit |
| Album | This Leaden Pall |
| Wait for me in sunny orchards, back of beyond | |
| I’m hoping for directions from the Slough of Despond | |
| Sonia Lannaman sleeps with the fishes tonight | |
| And we’ll make love to Duck Stab and it’ll be alright | |
| “I need this life just like I need luminous strides” | |
| Said Harry the Dog to the copper | |
| I’m the evil fairground worker in a town near you | |
| Let me on your moped, I can see it’s built for two | |
| I let Dwight Stones attempt a Fosbury over my head | |
| I want to live ’til I die | |
| Like a distinguished lady whipping a top off an egg | |
| I’ll throw your tyre round a lamp-post as a tribute to youth | |
| My my Meltonian, what would I do without you? | |
| The cemetery’s full of indispensable cobblers | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la, | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la, | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la, | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la, | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la, | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la |
| Wait for me in sunny orchards, back of beyond | |
| I' m hoping for directions from the Slough of Despond | |
| Sonia Lannaman sleeps with the fishes tonight | |
| And we' ll make love to Duck Stab and it' ll be alright | |
| " I need this life just like I need luminous strides" | |
| Said Harry the Dog to the copper | |
| I' m the evil fairground worker in a town near you | |
| Let me on your moped, I can see it' s built for two | |
| I let Dwight Stones attempt a Fosbury over my head | |
| I want to live ' til I die | |
| Like a distinguished lady whipping a top off an egg | |
| I' ll throw your tyre round a lamppost as a tribute to youth | |
| My my Meltonian, what would I do without you? | |
| The cemetery' s full of indispensable cobblers | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la, | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la, | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la, | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la, | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la, | |
| Ba ba ba, ba da ba ba da da da, la la la la la |