NEVER MAKE 
A PRETTY W
OMAN YOUR 
WIFENEVER 
MAKE A PRE
TTY WOMAN 
YOUR WIFE, 
WHY?YOU CA
N'T TRUST 
THAT FUNNY 
LOOK IN HE
R EYENEVER 
MAKE A PRE
TTY WOMAN 
YOUR WIFEH
OW CAN A A
NGEL BREAK 
MY HEART?L
IFE'S HARD! 
I'M JUST T
RYING TO P
LAY MY PAR
TBUT SHE K
EEPS PUSHI
NG ME, PUS
HING ME, P
USHING ME, 
PUSHING ME
YO YO YO! 
OK, LET'S 
GOAFTER A 
LEKKER ZEF 
SHOW THERE 
BY TINGS N 
TIMES... N
ICETHIS HO
T CHICK ST
EPS TO ME 
AND SAYS, "I DIG YOUR RHYMES!"
I SAID, "THANKS", 
YOU KNOW A
ND PLAYED 
IT SHMOOVE... 
SMOOTHSHE 
SAID, "NINJA, CAN'T YOU SIGN YOUR NAME ON MY BOOB?"
I SAID, "NO PROBLEM, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" "SOPHIE"
K, OKEY DO
KEY! WAARS
IE FOKKEN 
KOKI?... W
HERE'S THE 
FUCKIN MAR
KER PEN?I 
WROTE 'NIN
JA WAS HER
E', IT LOO
KED FUCKIN 
ILLPLUS I 
WROTE MY N
UMBER AND 
I DREW A D
UK FOKKEN 
PIEL... A 
NICE BIG P
ENISI SAID, "DON'T BE AFRAID!", 
SOPHIE SAI
D, "I'M NOT AFRAID"
THEN SOPHI
E CAME DOW
N TO CAPE 
TOWN FOR A 
HOLIDAYI T
OOK HER TO 
THE WATERF
RONT, FOKK
EN LEKKER 
LAANEY... 
VERY FUCKI
N FANCYI G
OT A CHIP 
ROLL, SHE 
ORDERED CA
LAMARIYO W
E HAD A NI
CE TIME PL
US ALOT OF 
WHITE WINE
SOON IT WA
S NIGHT TI
ME, 300 BU
CK BILLFIN
E, PAID TH
E BILL, SI
GNED, ASS 
ON MY MIND
SOPHIE SAI
D I WAS A 
LUCKY CATC
H OF A GUY300 
BUCKS IS N
OT TOO MUC
H TO SPLAS
H FOR A NA
AI... A FU
CKTOOK HER 
BACK MY PL
ACE, MUMMI
ES WATCHIN
G SOAPIESL
AMMING IN 
HER STOKIE
S, MUMMY T
HIS IS SOP
HIE... CHI
LLING IN H
ER SLIPPER
S"OH, HI SOPHIE!" 
BOOM! BOOM! 
BOOM!LET'S 
GO BACK TO 
MY ROOM, Y
O THIS SHI
T'S FUCKIN 
ONTHEN SOP
HIE SAID, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIVE WITH YOUR MOM!""THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED! SORRY THIS IS HECTIC!"
JUST GOOI 
ME WIF A B
LOW-JOB! "NO!" 
WAT?... HO
OK ME UPOH 
I UNDERSTA
ND! LET'S 
GO MAYBE N
AAI IN THE 
BACK SEAT ... 
FUCK"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM?" 
I THINK YO
U FUCKIN S
EXY!"JUST TAKE ME TO MY HOTEL!" 
BITCH, CAL
L A TAXI!N
OU SIT EK 
SOOS N JAG
SE DOOS SO
NDER N ERE
KSIE!... N
OW HERE I 
SIT LIKE A 
HORNY IDIO
T WITH NO 
ERECTIONHO
W CAN A AN
GEL BREAK 
MY HEART?L
IFE'S HARD! 
I'M JUST T
RYING TO P
LAY MY PAR
TBUT SHE K
EEPS PUSHI
NG ME, PUS
HING ME, P
USHING ME, 
PUSHING ME!
PUSHING AN
D PUSHING 
AND PUSHIN
G! PUSHING 
AND FUCKIN 
PUSHING!A 
WOMAN IS M
ORE DANGER
OUS THAN A 
LOADED PIS
TOLTHEY PR
OMISE YOU 
HEAVEN, GI
VE YOU HEL
L!MY LITTL
E BABY IS 
DRIVING ME 
CRAZY!SHE 
MAKES ME A 
KILLER (X8)
NEVER MAKE 
A PRETTY W
OMAN YOUR 
WIFE (X2) 
WHY?YOU CA
N'T TRUST 
THAT FUNNY 
LOOK IN HE
R EYENEVER 
MAKE A PRE
TTY WOMAN 
YOUR WIFEI
F YOU FEEL
ING HORNY 
PUT YOUR H
ANDS UPNIN
JA 'BOUT T
O KICK A L
ITTLE STOR
Y 'BOUT MI
RANDAI WAS 
OUT DOPPIN
G BY THE P
URPLE TURT
LE HANGING 
WIF SOME H
OMIES... D
RINKINGSKO
PPED ONE T
OO MANY DO
PS, DAMN I 
NEED TO GO 
PEE!... KI
CKED BACK 
ONE TOO MA
NY DRINKSI'
M ON MY TO 
TAKE A PIS
S AND I SE
E THIS $CO
PIE... SOM
EONE YOU H
AVE YOUR E
YE ONSHE L
OOKED JUST 
LIKE A COL
OURED ANGE
LINA JOLIE
THE CHERRY 
LOOKED VER
Y HAPPY TO 
SEE ME, "MISTER!""AREN'T YOU THE RAPPER FROM THE TV?" 
IS JA... T
HAT'S CORR
ECTI COULD
N'T HELP S
TARING AT 
THOSE NICE 
TITSCHILLI
NG JUST BE
LOW THEM B
IG FAT BLO
W JOB LIPS
PLUS A G-S
TRING ALL 
UP IN THAT 
SALTY CRAC
KI SAID, "SHIT! I NEED TO PISS BUT I'LL BE BACK!"
THAT NIGHT 
WAS A FUCK
IN JOL, TH
INK IT WAS 
A THURSDAY... 
PARTYDJ BU
MPED SOME 50, 
GO SHORTY 
IT'S YOUR 
BIRTHDAYMI
RANDA ASKE
D ME IN WH
EN I DROPP
ED HER BAC
K AT HER P
LACEON THE 
VERANDA NI
NJA FUCKED 
MIRANDA ON 
THE FIRST 
DATEAND EV
ERYTHING W
AS HUNKY F
UCKIN DORY
THEN COMES 
THE TWIST 
TO THIS FU
NKY LITTLE 
STORYAT MY 
NEXT LIVE 
SHOWGUESS 
WHO'S IN T
HE FRONT R
OW STARING 
AT ME LIKE 
A PSYCHOMI
RANDA'S BI
G GREEN HA
WK EYESGLU
ED TO THE 
NINJA LIKE 
A RED BEAM 
ALL NIGHTA
FTER THE S
HOW NINJA 
GETS RUSHE
D BY A BUN
CH OF POPP
IES... FAN 
GIRLSI TEL
L MIRANDA, 
HERE'S SOM
E MONEY GO 
BUY YOURSE
LF A DOPPI
E... A DRI
NKSO I'M T
HERE SIGNI
NG AUTOGRA
PHS, SMOKI
NG A DOOBI
E"CAN I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH?" 
SURE SHOW 
ME YOUR BO
OBIESALL O
F A SUDDEN 
MIRANDA BU
STS IN, MA
KING A SPE
CTACLE!GRA
BS ME BY T
HE NUTS AN
D STARTS B
REAKING MY 
TESTICLESJ
ASSIS! I N
EARLY KLAP
PED HER CO
S... JESUS! 
I NEARLY H
IT HER BEC
AUSE.THOSE 
HEAVY FUCK
IN CLAWS D
IGGING INT
O MY BALLS 
WAS VERY F
UCKIN SORE!
EWESKIELIK 
N HELE KLO
MP FOKKEN 
KOPPE DRAA
I... ALL-O
F-A-SUDDEN 
A WHOLE BU
NCH OF FUC
KIN HEADS 
TURNMIRAND
A SAYS, "TSY! VAT JY MY VIR N FOKKEN NAAI?"... 
HEY! ARE Y
OU TAKING 
ME FOR A F
UCKIN FOOL?
HOOKJESUS 
CHRIST!WHY 
DO CHICKS 
ALWAYS HAV
E TO BE SO 
FUCKIN COM
PLICATED?L
IKE THIS O
NE CHICK, 
LAZAAN, WA
S FUCKIN I
NTO ME!PLU
S SHE WAS 
A VIRGIN!S
O THIS ONE 
TIME ME AN
D LAZAAN W
AS SMOKING 
A ZOL... W
EEDTHERE B
Y DJ HI-TE
K'S CRIBWH
EN SHE SAY
S TO ME, "CAN'T WE BE ALONE?"
SO I TOOK 
HER TO HI-
TEK'S ROOM
ABOUT TO C
LOSE THE D
OOR, AND D
ROP THE BO
MBI SAID, "I GOT THE BONG", 
SHE SAID, "I GOT THE HERB!"
I TOLD DJ 
HI-TEK, "DO NOT DISTURB!"
THEN BADA-
BADA-BING! 
BADA-BADA-
BOMB!I PUT 
THE FLAME 
ON THE MOT
HERFUCKIN 
BONG!LIKE (BUBBLE BUBBLE!) 
NOW THE HE
AT IS ON!L
AZAAN TOLD 
ME SHE WAN
TED ME TO 
BE THE ONE
I STARTED 
SLOW AND S
EXY, YO I'
MA GETTING 
SOMEPUNANI-
NANI! PUNA
NI-NUM-NUM!
LIKE BADA-
BADA-BAM! 
BADA-BADA-
BOOM!WHEN 
HI-TEK WAL
KED IN THE 
MOTHERFUCK
IN ROOM!LI
KE... ...F
UCKIN BLIN
D!... HOW 
EMBARRASSI
NG!THERE I 
WAS GIVING 
IT TO HER 
FROM BEHIN
DI SAID, "WHAT'S THE MATTER BRO?""DJ HI-TEK YOU WANNA HAVE A GO?"
LAZAAN STA
RTS HAVING 
THIS MOERS
E FUCKIN F
REAK OUT!... 
MASSIVETHE
RE I AM ST
ANDING LIK
E A DOOS W
ITH MY DIC
K OUT!... 
A FUCKIN I
DIOTSHE'S 
KICKING ME! 
SLAPPING! 
TEETH FLAR
ING! SWEAR
ING!I THOU
GHT BARNY 
SAID: 'SHA
RING IS CA
RING!'HOOK