Seven o'clock in the evening
Watchin’ somethin' stupid on 
TVI'm zoned out on the sofa
When my wife comes in the room and sees me
And she says, “
Is this 'Behind the 
Music'With 
Lynyrd Skynyrd?"And I say, "
I don't know, say, it's gettin' late
What cha wanna do for dinner?”
She says, "I kinda had a big lunchSo I'm not super hungry"
I said, "Well you know, babyI'm not starvin' either but I could eat"
She said, "So what do you have in mind?"
I said, "I don't know, what about you?"
She says, "I don't care, if you're hungry let's eat"
I said, "That's what we're gonna do!""But first you gotta tell meWhat it is you're hungry for!"
And she says, "Let me thinkWhat's left in our refrigerator?"
I said, "Well, there's tuna, I know"
She said, "That went bad a week ago!"
I said, "Is the chili okay?"
She said, "You finished that yesterday!"
I hopped up and 
I said, "I don't knowDo you want to get something delivered?"
She's like, "Why would I want to eat liver?I don't even like liver!"
I'm like, "No, I said 'delivered' "
She's like, "I heard you say liver!"
I'm like, "I should know what I said"
She's like, "Whatever, I just don't want any liver!"
Well, I was gonna say something
But my cell phone started to ring
Now who could be callin' me?
Well I checked my caller 
IDIt was just cousin 
Larry callin'
For the third time today
My wife said, "Let it go to voicemail"
I said, "Okay""Where were we? Oh, dinner, rightSo what do you wanna do?"
She said, "Why don't you whip up somethin’ in the kitchen?""Yeah?" 
I said, "Why don't you?"
And then she says"Baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?"
I says no, she says yes, 
I says no, she says yes
I says no, she says yes, oh, here's your keys"I step a little bit closerSay, "
Okay, where ya wanna go?"She says, "
How about 
The Ivy?"I said, "
Yeah, well 
I don't know"“I don't feel like, gettin’ all dressed upAnd eatin' expensive food”She's says, "
Olive Garden?"I say, "
Nah, I'm not in the mood“
And Burrito 
King would make me gassy
There's no doubt"She says, "
Just forget about it"I said, "
No, I swear 
I'm gonna take you out!"Then I get an ideaI say, "
I know what we'll do!"She says, "
What?" I say, "
Guess"She says, "
What?" I say, "
We're goin' to the drive-thru!"So we head out the front doorOpen the garage doorThen I open the car doorsAnd we get in those car doorsPut my key in the ignitionAnd then I turn it sidewaysThen we fasten our seat beltsAs we pull out the drivewayThen we drive to the drive-thruHeading off to the drive-thruWe're approaching the drive-thruGetting close to the drive-thruAlmost there at the drive-thruNow we're here at the drive thruHere in line at the drive-thruDid I mention the drive-thru?Well, here we are in the drive-thru lineMe and herCars in front of us, cars in back of usAll just waiting to orderThere's some idiot in a VolvoWith his brights on behind meI lean out the window and scream"
Hey, what cha tryin’ to do, blind me?"My wife says, "
Maybe we should park
We could just go eat inside"I said, "
I'm wearin' bunny slippers
So I ain't leavin' this ride"Now a woman on a speaker boxIs sayin', "
Can I take your order, please?"I said, "
Yes indeed, you certainly can
We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese"Then my wife says"
Baby, hold on, 
I've changed my mind!
I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich
Instead this time"I said, "
You always get a cheeseburger!"She says, "
That's not what 
I'm hungry for"I put my head in my hands and scream"
I don't know who you are anymore!"The voice on the speaker says"
I don't have all day!"I said, "
Then take our order
And we'll be on our way!"I wanna get a chicken sandwichAnd I want a cheeseburger too"
She's like, "You want onions on that?"
I'm like, "Yeah, I already said that I do”“Plus we need curly friesAnd don't you dare forget itAnd two medium root beersNo, just one, we'll split it"
Then I said, "I'm guessin' thatYou're probably not too brightSo read me back my orderLet's make sure you got it right"
She says, "One, you want a chicken sandwichTwo, you want a cheeseburgerThree, curly fries and a large root beer""Stop, don't go no further!""I never ordered a large root beerI said medium, not large!"
Then she says, "We're havin' a specialI super-sized you at no charge""Oh"
And that's all 
I could say was "oh"
And she says, "Now there’s somethin' elseThat I really think you should know”“You can have unlimited refillsFor just a quarter more"
I say, "Great, except we're in the drive-thruSo what would I want that for?"
Then she says, "Wait a minuteYour voice sounds so familiar, hey, is this Paul?And my wife is all like, "
No, that ain't 
PaulNow tell me, who's this 
Paul?”She says, "Oh, he's just some guyWho goes to school with meI sat behind him last yearAnd I copied off of him in Geometry”I said, "
I know a guy named 
PaulHe used to be my plumber
He was prematurely bald
And he moved to 
Pittsburgh last summer”“
He also had bladder problems
And a really bad infection on his toe"And she says, "
Mister, please, you can stop right there
That's way more than 
I needed to know!"And then we both were quietAnd things got real intenseAnd then she says, "
Next window please,
That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents"So we inched ahead in lineMovin' painfully slowI got a little boredSo I turned on the radioClick, turned it offBecause my wife was getting a headacheSo we both just sat there quietlyFor her sakeThen I looked at herAnd she looked back at meAnd I said, "
UmI think you have somethin' in your teeth"She turned away from meAnd then turned back and said, "
Did I get it?"I said, "
Yeah, well, 
I mean, most of it
But hey, ya know, don't sweat it"Then she said, "
How about now?"I said, "
Yeah, almost
There's still a little bit there but don't worry
It's probably just a piece of toast"Now we're at the pay windowOr whatever you call itPut my hand in my pocketI can't believe there's no wallet!And the lady at the window's like"
Well well well, that'll be five eighty-two"I turn around to my wife and say"
How much have you got on you?"She just rolls her eyes and says"
I'll pay for this 
I guess"So she reaches into her purseAnd busts out the American ExpressI hand it to the ladyAnd she says, "
Oh dearIt's gotta be cash only
We don't take credit cards here"I took back the card and said"
Gee, really? 
Well that sucks!"And that's when I found outMy wife was only carryin' three bucksI said, "
I thought you were
Going to hit the 
ATM today"She says, "
I never got around to it
So where's your wallet anyway?”
And I said, "NevermindJust help me to find some change"
Now the lady at the window
Is looking at me kinda strange
And she says, "Mister, pleaseWe gotta move this line along"
I said, "Now hold your stinkin' horses ladyWe won't be long"
So I looked around inside the glove box
And checked the mat beneath my feet
I found a nickel in an ashtray
And a couple pennies and a dime in the space between the seats
Before long 
I had a little pile
Of coins of every sort
The lady counts it up and says"You're still about a dollar short"
And now my woman's got this weird look
Frozen on her face
She screams, "You knowI wasn't even really hungry in the first place"
And so I turned around
To the cashier again
I shrugged and said, "OkayForget the chicken sandwich then"
So I pick up my change
Pick up my receipt
And I drive to the pickup window
Man, I just can't wait to eat
And now we see this acne ridden
Kid about sixteen
Wearin' a dorky nametag that says"Hello, my name is Eugene"
And he hands me a paper bag
I look him in the eyes
And I say to him "Hey, EugeneCould I get some ketchup for my fries?"
Well he looks at me
And I look at him
And he looks at me
And I look at him
And he looks at me
And I look at him
And he says, "I'm sorryWhat did you want again?"
I say, "Ketchup!"
And he says, "Oh yeah, that's rightI just spaced out there for a secondI'm really kind of burnt tonight"
And then he hands me the ketchup
And then we're finally drivin' away
And the food is drivin' me mad
With its intoxicating bouquet
I'm starvin' to death
By the time we pull up at the traffic light
I say, "Baby, gimme that burgerI just gotta have a bite!"
So she reaches in the bag
And pulls out the burger
And she hands me the burger
And I pick up the burger
And then I unwrap the paper
I bite into those buns
And I just can't believe it
They forgot the onions!