(Singers:)
Here is the tale of a babysitting job, 
the baby is something of a snob,
(Stewie:)
Oh, go f**k yourselves
(Singers:)
So listen very closely, and you'll find
that what they say is not the same as what's on their minds
(Haylie:)
Aren't you a cute little boy
(Haylie's Thoughts:)
look at that melon shaped head
(Stewie:)
Having you here is a joy
(Stewie's Thoughts:)
and in an hour you'll be dead
(Haylie:)
Sit on my knee
(Haylie's Thoughts:)
please don't go poo
(Stewie:)
Nice place to be
(Stewie's Thoughts:)
This one's for you
(Both:)
Babysitting is a bum deal
(Haylie:)
Why don't we watch Will & Grace
(Thought:)
Jesus, do I need a smoke
(Stewie:)
Jack puts a smile on my face
(Thought:)
oh, what a surprise, a gay joke
(Haylie:)
I like your house
(Thought:)
the ceiling has cracks
(Stewie:)
I like your blouse
(Thought:)
Miss TJ Maxx
(Both:)
Babysitting is a bum deal
(Singers:)
So they sat as time went by
(Haylie:)
slowly as time could go
(Singers:)
the baby blarred, and softly cursed
(Stewie:)
cause her lips, and her skirt, and her shoes, 
and her hair made her look like a hoe
(Haylie:)
Time for your bottle my sweet
(Thought:)
This little brat smells like piss
(Stewie:)
alway's a succulent treat
(Thought:)
while I suck that, you suck this
(Haylie:)
Aren't you a sight
(Thought:)
look at him drool
(Stewie:)
you're a delight
(Thought:)
Damn you, you fool
(Both:)
Babysitting is a bum deal
(Singers:)
The diaper change was quite a job
(Haylie:)
the grossest I've ever seen
(Singers:)
The baby smiled and took a breath
(Stewie:)
and I grunted and pooped out a poop,
that looked something like Matthew Modine
(Haylie:)
someday you might meet a girl
(Thought:)
yeah, she's gonna be your right hand
(Stewie:)
Maybe it's you my sweet pearl
(Thought:)
darling, i'd rather f**k sand
(Haylie:)
Have a good night
(Thought:)
you little creep
(Stewie:)
Have a good night
(Thought:)
Die in your sleep
(Both:)
Babysitting is a bum deal
Babysitting is a bum deal