[00:09.479]I got a little history song for ya
[00:13.002]Ya ready?
[00:14.938]You’re gonna love this one
[00:17.814]This is a story you need to hear
[00:19.954]You can hear it while you’re drinking your fifteenth beer
[00:22.709]It’s a woeful tale of intrigue and romance
[00:28.662]It’s a story of how the Wild West grew
[00:31.431]And I swear every word is partly true
[00:34.355]This one’s about me and the hole that was in my pants
[00:40.450]Everybody laughed when I walked to and fro’
[00:42.852]Just why they were laughing I never did know
[00:45.867]’Til one day I passed a mirror just by chance
[00:51.210]I seen my reflection in the looking glass
[00:54.394]And to my great surprise just below my ass
[00:57.186]Was a big ole ripped out gaping hole in my pants
[01:02.850]Now if I had had a pair to spare
[01:05.915]I’m sure I might’ve found something different to wear
[01:08.759]But I happened to have just returned from a trip to France
[01:14.282]And I packed pretty light so there was nothing more
[01:17.232]I could do that day then try to ignore
[01:20.476]The fact that I had a big ole hole in my pants
[01:25.922]For a while things seemed to be going fine
[01:28.695]’Til some joker made cracks and folks got in line
[01:31.811]And the joker was joined by a pack of sycophants
[01:37.405]They hooted and hollered and pointed and poked
[01:40.053]And it wasn’t too long ’til I was sick of their jokes
[01:43.308]Their jokes on account of the hole in my pants
[01:48.962]Well I was pretty steamed and I put up my dukes
[01:51.522]I was ready to take on all of them kooks
[01:54.567]When out the corner my eye this girl gave me a glance
[02:00.352]To say she looked good barely hits the truth
[02:02.817]Coulda made a Lincoln lover out of John Wilkes Booth
[02:05.870]And best of all she had a hole in her pants
[02:11.165]You wanna hear more?
[02:14.511]Well then show me your drawers
[02:20.363]Not you!
[02:27.266]Well this girl and me got together you see
[02:30.226]And everyone around could tell that we were tighter than Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance
[02:38.714]Folks she was my queen and I was her king
[02:41.670]And far from it being a negative thing
[02:44.573]It was mighty useful to have holes in our pants
[02:50.029]You know what I mean?
[02:52.281]Yeah I thought you did
[02:58.750]Well first then one, then two, then four, then eight
[03:02.132]Then everyone had holes in their pants it was great
[03:04.996]Shoulda seen it man, the whole town started to dance
[03:10.394]Now you probably figured out if you concentrated
[03:13.578]That that’s how the wild west got populated
[03:16.535]And it all began with a hole in my pants
[03:21.762]I’m just about finished and I mean right now sir
[03:24.933]With a song about the big hole in my big trousers
[03:27.891]Pants and holes and I feel like I’m in a trance
[03:33.391]And the moral of the story, the moral of the song
[03:36.644]Is maybe we’d all just get along
[03:39.502]A whooooole lot better if we all had holes in our pants