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作词 : Stookey |
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I'd like to call somebody to the stage that you know as a folk singer |
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But that you haven't met in his other role |
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Paul is a comedian with a unique point of view and commentary |
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And in this capacity, ladies and gentlemen |
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Please welcome with me to the stage, my good friend |
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My compatriot, Paul Stookey |
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<pop>That was the sound of a golf ball |
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Or if you're a ping-pong enthusiast, that was a sound of a ping-pong ball |
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Except generally you'll hear <ping> <Pong> |
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<pop> <ping><pong><pop> <ping><pong><pop> |
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That's the sound of a match between a golfer and a ping-pong enthusiast |
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I played golf today, 18 holes I played golf, wooo |
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I did pretty good too, I think you would have been very proud of me |
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<pop>Four. <pop>Five. <pop>Six <pop>Seven |
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I don't like sports very much |
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There's a vast number of sports that I'm not invlved in. |
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There's water skiing |
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In order to water ski, really you should swim, right? |
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You're not gonna stay up there all the time, now |
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And I don't like to swim, really |
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You know what swimming is to me? |
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Staying alive when I'm in the water. |
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Barely |
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I'll do anything to stay afloat |
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Even swallow Co2 cartriges |
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But I didn't come out here to talk about sports |
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I really, I came out here, Peter talks about status |
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And I cannot think of one material object that has more status in this country |
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Than the automobile |
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And it starts at a very early age now, right? |
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I mean, now at 14, kids want the car, right? |
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They get cheaters permits so they can drive |
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You get a learners permit at 15, a cheaters permit at 14 |
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And it's, I guess it's really necessary because |
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You lose a lot of face calling up a girl and asking her |
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If you can peddle right over and pick her up, right? |
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They don't really go for that any more |
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And if you look back on all the times you had the automobile |
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Aside from a few interesting saturday evenings |
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You got to admit that one of the nicest times of all |
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Was a sunday afternoon, if you could get the car |
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You come down the stairs, ker-clunk ker-clunk ker-clunk ker-clunk |
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mom, dad, gonna take the car, ha haaa |
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Beautiful day for a drive, I think I'll go out |
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Ha haaa haaa ha huuu |
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And then, and then they level you with that giant killer, right? |
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HAVE YOU DONE YOUR HOMEWORK? |
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If you were fast, you'd say, mom, dad, have I done my homework? |
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<lightning sound>Run out the door |
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You pick up 3 other great pretenders, 3 oclock in the afternoon |
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The time is now 10 oclock in the evening |
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The same 4 guys are in the same car <engine sound> |
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Well, whata you wanna do? <engine sound> |
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I don't know, whada you wanna do? <engine sound> |
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Hey, we've been driving for 7 hours <engine sound> |
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Hey, I got an idea, he he <engine sound> |
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Yeah, what's that? <engine sound> |
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Lets go to a drive-in resturant and look at the girls, hehehe <engine sound> |
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Oh, ok <engine sound> |
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Well, here they are, but they're all from our high school <engine sound> |
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Wait a minute, there's a car load over there |
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There's a place right next to them, lets go get it <engine sound> |
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<horn x2> |
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<tire screech> |
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<horn> |
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<engine sound> |
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<tire screech> |
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Don't look at 'em <laughter> |
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Here's the conversation in the girls car you never heard |
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Here they come |
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There they are |
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Don't look at 'em |
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Remember the time when drive-ins first opened |
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And the girls used to come out to take your order? |
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Now you're lucky you know, if you get a girl in slacks who delivers it |
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I understand they're even putting in conveyor belts in some drive-in resturants |
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There was a time when the little girls came running out in short little skirts |
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Remember them? <whistling> |
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You pull in <engine, tire screech> |
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And the little girl would come running up <panting> |
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May I take your order sir? |
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Yes, but I don't believe it's on the menu, ha ha |
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They don't, they don't let you flirt any more now |
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They give you a little green box with a white button on it |
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A little speaker grill, right |
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<unintelligable noise> |
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What? |
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<unintelligable noise> |
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Oh, ok, um, We'd like one cheeseburger deluxe special extra |
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The one you have out here with the little white cup |
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With that whatever that's in there, we'll take it, whatever it is |
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And uh, we'd like two hamburgers medium rare with everything on 'em |
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And one hamburger, no, one hamburger, meat, no hamburgers |
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One frank, and three chiliburgers, ok? |
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Alright, and we'd like two chocolate shakes, regular thick, for spoons you know THICK |
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And we'd like two strawberry shakes thin |
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Water them down, or milk them down a little, ok |
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'Cause we got somebody here with chapped lips and they'd like it thin |
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Can, you understand what I mean? |
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Are you there? |
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<unintelligable noise> |
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Well, could you tell us what we have please? |
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<unintelligable noise for a long time> |
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And four six-packs |
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We'll take it |
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And after you get your food order in, you got at least 40 minutes to wait |
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Even if it's just a cup of coffee you got 40 minutes to wait |
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And you cannot get out of your car, right |
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Remember there was a time when drive-ins first opened |
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You used to pull in and get out, exchange hellos, greetings <kiss> |
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Evidentally some people were getting out and exchanging |
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Something a little heavier than hellos and greetings |
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They have policemen there to keep you in your car |
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You can be 47 years old and drop your credit cards on the ground |
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Officer, that's my wallet |
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I don't care who you are kid<pop> back in the car |
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If you do get out, you gotta be very careful |
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Because the new resturants have radar now <radar scanning sound> |
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So you have to crawl on your belly between the cars <panting> |
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You get over to the side of the car <panting> |
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Psssst <pop, pop, pop> |
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Psssst <pop> down here! |
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I can't come up, they'll spot me |
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<pop, pop, pop> Put down your window |
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<sound of window going down> |
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Power windows, huh? |
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Whoo, this is a pretty fancy car |
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Hey, you're a pretty fancy broad |
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<sound of window going up> |
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<pop. pop, pop> |
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<sound of window going down> |
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<tire screech> |
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If you did manage to get out of the drive-in resturant without being maimed |
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There was a sporting event taking place at the traffic light |
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Remember, with all of two characters |
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Mr. Businessman who drove a 4-door family sedan with black-wall tires |
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Automatic transmission |
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Seated next to him in a 1941 gray primer coated Ford |
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With it's rear end 2 inches off the ground |
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Tomato cans for mufflers |
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With his back to the drivers window, his left arm draped over the steering wheel |
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His right hand gripped onto the gearshift lever |
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A sneer on lips sat THE KID |
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<engine revving sound> |
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Well, Mr. Businessman has just had his bands tightened, and |
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Those of you who are not quite sure what I mean |
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By having your bands tightened |
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The bands are the rings in an automatic transmission |
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Which actually affect the gear change |
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Uh huh, I'll give you an example |
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This is an automobile with tight bands |
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<car sound with gear shifts> |
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This is an automobile with loose bands |
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<car sound with gear shifts, different sound> |
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Well, Mr. Businessman has just had his bands tightened |
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And he thinks that he will show THE KID a thing or two |
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Meanwhile, THE KID <engine revving> |
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Has inched these 2 fingers up over his left arm |
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This is the universal signlanguage among teenagers for dragging |
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You probably recall Winston Churchill during the war years |
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Which everyone assumed meant V for victory |
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Actually if you'll also recall Winston Churchill smokes a cigar, right? |
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He used to hold it in here, right? |
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And occationally he would turn to his friends on the stage and say |
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Want a drag? |
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See, and the kids picked it up |
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The light changes |
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The light changes to amber and Mr. Businessman decides to get very daring |
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He pulls the automatic transmission down into low <clunk> |
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He puts one foot on the brake <screech> |
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Still holding the foot on the brake, in order to get that extra fast start |
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He pulls the automatic transmission down into low <clunk> |
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And pushes down on the accelerator five inches |
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The car is internally hemorraging |
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He knows, he knows, he knows he's gonna have to have another band job |
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He's not gonna let THE KID show him up |
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The light changes to green, Mr. Businessman is off |
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<tire screech> |
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<engine running fast> |
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<gear shift> |
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<gear shift with loose bands> |
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Looks at the speedometer, 80, 90, 95, 96, 97, 98 miles an hour |
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Looks out the window and The Kids not even there |
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You know what's there? |
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<siren sound> |
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He looks in the rear view mirror and The Kids still back at the corner |
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He never races anybody |
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He just sits there and scares the hell out of them |