| [00:21.91] |
Seven O＇Clock in the evening |
| [00:23.45] |
Watchin somethin＇ stupid on TV |
| [00:25.09] |
I＇m zoned out on the sofa |
| [00:27.38] |
When my wife comes in the room and sees me |
| [00:30.26] |
|
| [00:30.47] |
She says ＂Is this ＇Behind the Music＇ |
| [00:33.55] |
With Lynard Skynard?＂ |
| [00:34.90] |
And I say ＂I don＇t know. |
| [00:36.49] |
Say, it＇s gettin＇ late...watcha wanna do for dinner? |
| [00:40.06] |
|
| [00:40.52] |
She says ＂I kinda had a big lunch. |
| [00:41.62] |
So I＇m not super hungry.＂ |
| [00:44.56] |
I said ＂Well you know, baby, I＇m not starvin＇ either |
| [00:46.73] |
But I could eat.＂ |
| [00:47.72] |
|
| [00:48.08] |
She said ＂So whadya have in mind?＂ |
| [00:49.85] |
I said ＂I don＇t know what about you?＂ |
| [00:52.19] |
She said ＂I don＇t care, if you＇re hungry, let＇s eat.＂ |
| [00:54.89] |
I said ＂That＇s what we＇re gonna do!＂ |
| [00:56.36] |
|
| [00:56.75] |
＂But first you gotta tell me |
| [00:58.41] |
What it is you＇re hungry for!＂ |
| [01:00.57] |
And she says ＂Let me think... |
| [01:02.89] |
...What＇s left in our refridgerator?＂ |
| [01:04.93] |
|
| [01:05.80] |
I said ＂Well, there＇s tuna, I know.＂ |
| [01:07.66] |
She said ＂That went bad a week ago!＂ |
| [01:09.94] |
I said ＂Is the chili OK?＂ |
| [01:12.04] |
She said ＂You finished that yesterday!＂ |
| [01:14.26] |
|
| [01:14.77] |
I hopped up and I said |
| [01:16.42] |
＂I don＇t know, do you want to get something delivered?＂ |
| [01:18.73] |
She＇s like ＂Why would I want to eat liver? |
| [01:21.64] |
I don＇t even like liver!＂ |
| [01:23.53] |
|
| [01:23.86] |
I＇m like ＂No, I said ＇delivered＇.＂ |
| [01:26.23] |
She＇s like ＂I heard you say liver!＂ |
| [01:27.91] |
I＇m like ＂I should know what I said...＂ |
| [01:29.89] |
She＇s like ＂Whatever, I just don＇t want any liver!＂ |
| [01:32.09] |
|
| [01:32.53] |
Well I was gonna say something |
| [01:34.39] |
But my cell phone started to ring |
| [01:36.61] |
Now who could be callin＇ me? |
| [01:38.60] |
Well I checked my caller ID |
| [01:40.73] |
|
| [01:41.15] |
It was just cousin Larry |
| [01:42.94] |
Callin＇ for the third time today... |
| [01:44.83] |
My wife said ＂Let it go to voicemail.＂ |
| [01:47.92] |
I said, ＂OK.＂ |
| [01:49.46] |
|
| [01:50.21] |
＂Where were we? Oh, Dinner, Right |
| [01:52.27] |
So what d＇ya want to do?＂ |
| [01:53.96] |
She said ＂Why don＇t you whip up somethin in the kitchen?＂ |
| [01:56.44] |
＂Yeah,＂ I said, ＂Why don＇t you?＂ |
| [01:58.54] |
|
| [01:59.03] |
And then she said ＂Baby, can＇t we just go out to dinner, please?＂ |
| [02:02.87] |
I says ＂No＂ |
| [02:03.71] |
She says ＂Yes＂ |
| [02:04.13] |
I says ＂No＂ |
| [02:04.60] |
She says ＂Yes＂ |
| [02:05.12] |
I says ＂No＂ |
| [02:05.62] |
She says ＂Yes... |
| [02:06.35] |
...Oh, here＇s your keys＂ |
| [02:08.00] |
|
| [02:08.21] |
I step a little bit closer |
| [02:09.95] |
Say ＂OK, where ya want to go?＂ |
| [02:11.86] |
She says ＂How about The Ivy?＂ |
| [02:14.15] |
I said ＂Yeah, well I don＇t know...＂ |
| [02:16.25] |
|
| [02:16.70] |
I don＇t feel like gettin all dressed up |
| [02:19.19] |
And eatin＇ expensive food |
| [02:20.96] |
She＇s says ＂Olive Garden?＂ |
| [02:23.05] |
I say ＂Nah, I＇m not in the mood... |
| [02:25.13] |
|
| [02:25.52] |
...And Burrito King would make me gassy |
| [02:28.22] |
There＇s no doubt＂ |
| [02:29.57] |
She says ＂Just forget about it＂ |
| [02:31.81] |
I said ＂No, I swear I＇m gonna take you out!＂ |
| [02:33.95] |
|
| [02:34.55] |
Then I get an idea |
| [02:36.65] |
I says ＂I know what we＇ll do!＂ |
| [02:38.75] |
She says ＂What?＂ |
| [02:39.50] |
I say ＂Guess＂ |
| [02:39.74] |
She says ＂What?＂ |
| [02:40.22] |
I say ＂We＇re goin＇ to the drive-thru!＂ |
| [02:42.98] |
|
| [02:43.49] |
So we head out the front door |
| [02:45.11] |
Open the garage door |
| [02:47.55] |
Then I open the car doors |
| [02:49.97] |
And we get in those car doors |
| [02:51.86] |
|
| [02:52.31] |
Put my key in the ignition |
| [02:53.99] |
And then I turn it sideways |
| [02:56.21] |
Then we fasten our seat belts |
| [02:58.40] |
As we pull out the driveway |
| [03:00.81] |
|
| [03:01.17] |
Then we drive to the drive-thru |
| [03:02.91] |
Heading off to the drive-thru |
| [03:05.13] |
We＇re approaching the drive-thru |
| [03:07.32] |
Getting close to the drive-thru! |
| [03:09.42] |
|
| [03:09.81] |
Almost there at the drive-thru |
| [03:11.70] |
Now we＇re here at the drive thru |
| [03:13.83] |
Here in line at the drive-thru |
| [03:16.08] |
Did I mention the drive-thru? |
| [03:18.39] |
|
| [03:27.67] |
Well here we are |
| [03:29.19] |
In the drive-thru line, me and her. |
| [03:31.71] |
Cars in front of us, cars in back of us. |
| [03:34.68] |
All just waiting to order |
| [03:36.04] |
|
| [03:36.45] |
There＇s some idiot in a Volvo |
| [03:38.19] |
With his brights on behind me |
| [03:40.39] |
I lean out the window and scream |
| [03:42.45] |
＂Hey, Whatcha tryin to do, blind me?＂ |
| [03:45.16] |
|
| [03:45.54] |
My wife says ＂Maybe we should park... |
| [03:47.56] |
...We could just go eat inside.＂ |
| [03:49.66] |
I said ＂I＇m wearin＇ bunny slippers |
| [03:51.91] |
So I ain＇t leavin＇ this ride...＂ |
| [03:54.13] |
|
| [03:54.39] |
Now a woman on a speaker box |
| [03:56.52] |
Is sayin＇ ＂Can I take your order, please?＂ |
| [03:58.59] |
I said ＂Yes indeed, you certainly can |
| [04:00.51] |
We＇d like two hamburgers with onions and cheese.＂ |
| [04:02.82] |
|
| [04:03.10] |
Then my wife says |
| [04:04.62] |
＂Baby, hold on, I＇ve changed my mind! |
| [04:07.26] |
I think I＇m gonna have a chicken sandwich |
| [04:10.17] |
Instead, this time＂ |
| [04:11.47] |
|
| [04:12.09] |
I said ＂You always get a cheeseburger!＂ |
| [04:13.80] |
She says ＂That＇s not what I＇m hungry for.＂ |
| [04:16.11] |
I put my head in my hands and screamed, |
| [04:18.33] |
＂I don＇t know who you are anymore!＂ |
| [04:20.65] |
|
| [04:21.12] |
The voice on the speaker says |
| [04:22.84] |
＂I don＇t have all day!＂ |
| [04:25.12] |
I said ＂Then, take our order, |
| [04:26.94] |
And we＇ll be on our way! |
| [04:29.56] |
|
| [04:29.95] |
I wanna get a chicken sandwich |
| [04:31.99] |
And I want a cheeseburger, too |
| [04:34.09] |
She＇s like ＂You want onions on that?＂ |
| [04:36.22] |
I＇m like ＂Yeah, I already said that I do... |
| [04:38.29] |
|
| [04:38.65] |
...Plus we need curly fries |
| [04:40.62] |
And don＇t you dare forget it! |
| [04:43.14] |
And two medium root beers |
| [04:45.49] |
No, just one, we＇ll split it.＂ |
| [04:47.65] |
|
| [04:48.00] |
Then I said ＂I＇m guessin＇ that |
| [04:49.69] |
You＇re probably not too bright... |
| [04:52.03] |
So read me back my order |
| [04:54.16] |
Let＇s make sure you got it right.＂ |
| [04:56.02] |
|
| [04:56.25] |
She says ＂One, you want a chicken sandwich. |
| [04:58.51] |
Two, you want a cheeseburger |
| [05:00.54] |
Three, curly fries, and a large root beer＂ |
| [05:03.72] |
＂Stop, don＇t go no further!＂ |
| [05:05.20] |
|
| [05:05.49] |
＂I never ordered a large rootbeer |
| [05:07.36] |
I said medium, not large!＂ |
| [05:09.16] |
Then she says ＂We＇re havin＇ a special, |
| [05:11.83] |
I supersized you at no charge.＂ |
| [05:13.87] |
|
| [05:14.17] |
＂Oh.＂ And that＇s all |
| [05:16.91] |
I could say, was ＂Oh.＂ |
| [05:18.11] |
And she says ＂Now there is somethin＇ else |
| [05:20.24] |
That I really think you should know. |
| [05:22.43] |
|
| [05:22.94] |
You can have unlimited refills |
| [05:24.86] |
For just a quarter more...＂ |
| [05:26.78] |
I say ＂Great, except we＇re in the drive thru... |
| [05:29.36] |
So what would I want that for?＂ |
| [05:31.19] |
|
| [05:31.61] |
Then she says ＂Wait a minute |
| [05:33.62] |
Your voice sounds so familiar...hey, is this Paul? |
| [05:36.77] |
And my wife is all like ＂No, that ain＇t Paul, |
| [05:39.41] |
Now tell me, who＇s this Paul? |
| [05:41.25] |
|
| [05:41.75] |
She says ＂Oh, he＇s just some guy |
| [05:43.58] |
Who goes to school with me. |
| [05:45.68] |
I sat behind him last year |
| [05:47.81] |
And I copied off him in Geometry. |
| [05:50.93] |
I said ＂I know a guy named Paul. |
| [05:52.59] |
He used to be my plumber |
| [05:54.72] |
He was prematurely bald |
| [05:56.94] |
And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer. |
| [05:59.07] |
|
| [05:59.22] |
He also had bladder problems |
| [06:01.35] |
And a really bad infection on his toe.＂ |
| [06:03.24] |
And she said ＂Mister, please, you can stop right there, |
| [06:06.01] |
That＇s way more than I needed to know!＂ |
| [06:07.86] |
|
| [06:08.14] |
And then we both were quiet |
| [06:10.24] |
And things got real intense |
| [06:12.46] |
Then she says ＂Next window please, |
| [06:14.47] |
That＇ll be five dollars and eighty two cents.＂ |
| [06:16.81] |
|
| [06:17.01] |
So we inched ahead in line |
| [06:19.00] |
Movin＇ painfully slow |
| [06:20.98] |
I got a little bored |
| [06:23.11] |
So I turned on the radio... |
| [06:24.91] |
|
| [06:25.34] |
|
| [06:37.91] |
|
| [06:41.79] |
Turned it off |
| [06:42.93] |
Because my wife was getting a headache |
| [06:45.42] |
So we both just sat there quietly |
| [06:49.39] |
For her sake. |
| [06:50.49] |
|
| [06:50.94] |
Then I looked at her |
| [06:52.15] |
And she looked back at me |
| [06:54.46] |
And I said ＂Um, |
| [06:56.46] |
I think you have somethin＇ in your teeth.＂ |
| [06:58.86] |
|
| [06:59.44] |
She turned away from me |
| [07:01.11] |
And then turned back and said ＂Did I get it?＂ |
| [07:03.63] |
I said ＂Yeah. Well, I mean, most of it... |
| [07:06.87] |
But hey, ya know, don＇t sweat it.＂ |
| [07:08.67] |
|
| [07:08.94] |
Then she said ＂How about now?＂ |
| [07:11.70] |
I said ＂Yeah, almost. |
| [07:13.00] |
There＇s still a little bit there |
| [07:15.18] |
But don＇t worry, it＇s probably just a piece of toast.＂ |
| [07:17.31] |
|
| [07:17.53] |
Now we＇re at the pay window |
| [07:19.00] |
Or whatever you call it |
| [07:21.21] |
Put my hand in my pocket |
| [07:23.20] |
I can＇t believe there＇s no wallet! |
| [07:25.42] |
|
| [07:33.19] |
And the lady at the window＇s like, |
| [07:34.38] |
＂Well, well that＇ll be five eighty two.＂ |
| [07:38.53] |
I turn around to my wife, and say |
| [07:41.40] |
＂How much have you got on you?＂ |
| [07:43.47] |
|
| [07:44.16] |
She just rolls her eyes and says |
| [07:45.87] |
＂I＇ll pay for this, I guess.＂ |
| [07:48.04] |
So she reaches into her purse |
| [07:49.98] |
And pulls out the American Express |
| [07:52.44] |
|
| [07:52.65] |
I hand it to the lady |
| [07:54.54] |
And she says ＂Oh, dear. |
| [07:56.64] |
It＇s gotta be cash only |
| [07:58.89] |
We don＇t take credit cards here.＂ |
| [08:01.17] |
|
| [08:01.45] |
I took back the card and said |
| [08:03.42] |
＂Gee, really? Well that sucks.＂ |
| [08:05.47] |
And that＇s when I found out |
| [08:07.80] |
My wife was only carryin＇ three bucks. |
| [08:10.18] |
|
| [08:10.36] |
I said ＂I thought you were |
| [08:12.46] |
Going to hit the ATM today＂ |
| [08:15.19] |
She says ＂I never got around to it |
| [08:17.43] |
So where＇s your wallet anyway? |
| [08:18.94] |
|
| [08:19.48] |
And I said ＂Nevermind, |
| [08:20.92] |
Just help me to find some change...＂ |
| [08:23.20] |
Now the lady at the window |
| [08:25.17] |
Is lookin at me kinda strange... |
| [08:27.46] |
|
| [08:28.17] |
And she says ＂Mister, please, |
| [08:30.04] |
We gotta move this line along＂ |
| [08:32.32] |
I said ＂Now hold your stinkin＇ horses lady, |
| [08:35.53] |
We won＇t be long.＂ |
| [08:36.85] |
|
| [08:37.12] |
We looked around inside the glove-box |
| [08:39.07] |
And check the mat beneath my feet |
| [08:41.53] |
I found a nickel in the ashtray |
| [08:43.24] |
And a couple pennies and a dime in the space betweent he seats |
| [08:45.52] |
|
| [08:45.82] |
Before long I had a little pile |
| [08:47.80] |
Of coins of every sort |
| [08:50.17] |
The lady counts it up and says |
| [08:52.30] |
＂You＇re still about a dollar short＂ |
| [08:54.28] |
|
| [08:54.70] |
And now my woman＇s got this weird look |
| [08:56.92] |
Frozen on her face |
| [08:58.54] |
She screams, ＂you know |
| [09:00.34] |
I wasn＇t even really hungry in the first place＂ |
| [09:03.25] |
|
| [09:03.61] |
And so I turned around |
| [09:05.35] |
To the cashier again |
| [09:07.63] |
I shrugged and said ＂OK |
| [09:09.79] |
Forget the chicken sandwich then＂ |
| [09:12.05] |
|
| [09:12.38] |
So I pick up my change |
| [09:14.41] |
Pick up my reciept |
| [09:16.40] |
And I drive to the pickup window |
| [09:18.52] |
Man, I just can＇t wait to eat |
| [09:20.68] |
|
| [09:21.20] |
And now we see this acne ridden |
| [09:23.20] |
Kid about sixteen |
| [09:25.12] |
Wearin＇ a dorky nametag that says |
| [09:27.80] |
＂Hello, my name is Eugene.＂ |
| [09:29.72] |
|
| [09:30.07] |
And he hands me a paper bag |
| [09:32.23] |
I look him in the eyes |
| [09:34.36] |
And I say to him ＂Hey, Eugene, |
| [09:36.92] |
Can I get some ketchup for my fries?＂ |
| [09:38.77] |
|
| [09:38.95] |
Well he looks at me |
| [09:40.90] |
And I look at him |
| [09:43.34] |
And he looks at me |
| [09:45.25] |
And I look at him |
| [09:47.86] |
|
| [09:48.22] |
And he looks at me |
| [09:50.35] |
And I look at him |
| [09:52.43] |
And he says ＂I＇m sorry |
| [09:54.13] |
What did you want again?＂ |
| [09:56.45] |
|
| [09:56.77] |
I say ＂Ketchup!＂ |
| [09:58.43] |
And he says ＂Oh yeah, that＇s right... |
| [10:01.13] |
...I just spaced out there for a second |
| [10:03.26] |
I＇m really kind of burnt tonight.＂ |
| [10:05.27] |
|
| [10:05.66] |
And then he hands me the ketchup |
| [10:07.85] |
And now we＇re finally drivin＇ away |
| [10:10.32] |
And the food is drivin＇ me mad |
| [10:12.73] |
With its intoxicating bouquet |
| [10:14.98] |
|
| [10:15.70] |
I＇m starvin＇ to death |
| [10:17.20] |
By the time we pull up at the traffic light |
| [10:19.21] |
I say ＂Baby, gimme that burger, |
| [10:22.07] |
I just gotta have a bite!＂ |
| [10:23.99] |
|
| [10:24.34] |
So she reaches in the bag |
| [10:26.20] |
And pulls out the burger |
| [10:28.49] |
And she hands me the burger |
| [10:30.35] |
And I pick up the burger |
| [10:32.33] |
|
| [10:32.63] |
And then I unwrap the paper |
| [10:35.30] |
I bite into those buns |
| [10:37.77] |
And I just can＇t believe it |
| [10:39.83] |
They forgot the onions! |
| [10:44.42] |
|